1 Big problem in relationship

What is the cost of happiness? If you would otherwise be very happy with the girl, then a £35k gamble for a chance at lifelong happiness seems worthwhile to me. I'd say to her 'I am willing to make a big gamble on you, but you need to show me you're sincere and sign a prenup'. It might not hold up in court, but at least if she signs it she's showing how important you are to her.
 
*sigh*
Just to repeat myself from a previous post...

Getting married does not immediately confer ownership of 50% of your assets to your spouse.

2) Duration of the Marriage - Short Marriages

If a divorce petition is filed in a short, childless marriage (normally less than 5 years duration) it is unlikely that a 50/50 division of assets will be ordered particularly if one spouse brought substantially more assets to the marriage. Normally assets acquired prior to the marriage will be retained, or returned to the spouse who originally had them, and assets accumulated during the marriage will be divided on a 50/50 basis when the parties divorce.
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Source: http://www.bsdivorcesolicitors.co.uk/capital.php

You get a few years to figure it out. Losing £35k after a 5 year marriage.... it's not that big a deal. Get over it OP.
 
Colbaker said:
I agree with this, The problem is YOURS, not her's, If you want to be with her then you will have to make sacrifices as everyone does in relationships, I believe the selfishness of people these days is why many marriages break up.

Do you believe you will be with her for the rest of your lives? if the answer is Yes then do it, Just because it didn't work out before does not mean it won't now, If you can prove you put the 70k in then IF you ever get divorced and IF she then decides she is due half your assets, you would have a good argument against a 50/50 split on the property, although the longer she lives with you, married or not, the more a court will give her for putting into the house.

Are you cutting your nose of despite your face?
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To spite your face......

in b4 :p

But yes pretty much this. Your problem, and you need to deal with it. She will be entitled to half of the house anyway after a period of time, so I think if you feel the way you do, you should have never have bought together full stop.

If you love this woman, man up and get married. To hell with what if. If you lived your life like that you would never leave your bed.

Otherwise, stay apart and be single.

She has clearly hoped you would change your mind, and has been disingenuous. If you can't find it in you to overcome your fears, then the best action is to stay apart. After all, she has not been entirely honest with you.
 
You might already be shafted? Who's name is the house in? Has she been paying your rent/contributions to the mortgage while you've both been living there?
 
soundood said:
prenuptials are not recognized in English law as any kind of binding agreement, and are often ignored during any financial separation/divorce.
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This, be careful.

She carried on the relationship only because she thought if she could make you love her enough then you'll marry her, more fool her.

She did what a atypical woman does, thinks she can change a man. Get rid to be frank, she has been dishonest about the relationship for a very long time.
 
Also if you've completely trainwrecked this relationship then try to date people from the same background, income level as you... obviously you don't to control who you end up falling for and might well end up with some other person who'd dependent on you but you can at least attempt to meet more people who also have careers, are independent and won't be relying on you to provide for them.
 
Resident said:
TBH I'd say stay apart. You clearly don't love/trust her and are more bothered about your money than being happy together.

You're using the fact that you paid more into the house to gain power in the relationship.
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I partly agree with this. For me, love is more important than money and I would say the way you come across from the first post is uncertainty (maybe because you got hurt the first time) and you need to get over your first marriage. Love doesn't require marriage of course but lots of ladies like to feel secure and marriage is a way of that.

As for money, I earn over twice the amount of my wife and yet it all goes into a joint account where she can have as much, or as little as she wants. I have been married 20 years mind and been through some big ups and downs but we both worked on it. Your young lady seems to love you and wants to be with you. Watch Jeremy Kyle to show you how life 'could be' :D
 
Don't get married to her, It will not end well as you will start to recent her and she will end up with half.
 
drunkenmaster said:
T
Secondly my personal opinion is marriage is a stupid idea. I personally don't want to get married and on that note would prefer to be with someone who doesn't equate happiness with having a big day in church, but that's me.
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What has 'a big day in church* got to do with happiness and marriage? It's nice to celebrate the big day but that's not what marriage is about.

There are studies that show that children raised in a stable environment where both parents are married leads to more well rounded children who will then form stable marriages themselves.

Of course a lot of marriages fail because one party commits an unrecoverable act but nowadays a lot fail because people aren't willing to put the effort in. It isn't all a bed of roses (that applies to relationships in general)

* Me and the Mrs got married at a steam railway centre because that happens to be a shared interest. Great day but that's not the basis of our marriage.

Burnsy2023 said:
This thread makes me sad. I think it comes down to the fact that relationships are built on trust. You for historical reasons find it hard to trust her when it comes to finances and that is causing stress in your relationship.

Fix the root problem, the trust, or call it a day.
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Exactly. My wife had a hideous previous marriage that had nothing to do with how she behaved but she married me because she trusts me and wants to be with me.

Now I have what I wanted in life, a wife, child, daughter in law and grandson. So whilst not for everybody marriage and trust has worked out for me so far!
 
You have trust issues, relationship wont ever work until they are sorted out. If you trust her then you can happily marry her without fear.

Really, this is your problem. Don't take out your prior relationship issues with your current GF. Looks like you are not ready for a serious relationship yet.

yes, marriage is a fairly pointless archaic social norm and isn't needed for the most part, but here is the thing, even if you don't get married legally you should still act accordingly in a mature relationship and share all your property fairly.In a mature healthy relationship you don't care about property and money, you both bring in assets and debts, contributions and costs and add value together - and that value is not going to be in monetary things but in love, fun, friendship, child rearing, life.

I paid more into our house, but then my wife earns more and is paying more of the monthly mortgage, but even that doesn't matter. She might quit her job and be a stay at home mum, i don't know and I don't care. That is just money and is absolutely insignificant compared to what a loving relationship can bring.

All that is really needed is for you to gain trust. If you cant do that then say your goodbyes!
 
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Burnsy2023 said:
This thread makes me sad. I think it comes down to the fact that relationships are built on trust. You for historical reasons find it hard to trust her when it comes to finances and that is causing stress in your relationship.

Fix the root problem, the trust, or call it a day.
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Thing is, most women are gold diggers though.
 
marriage is the biggest bunch of crap , no one sticks to their vows these days....

ask her why getting married makes a difference as it's just a piece of paper and means nothing as shown by the divorce rate

This, she's not your ex and has been with you for a long time now, even though you continually shut down her dream of getting married.
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she knew what she was getting into and then still tried to change the op using her ruthless and cunning to get her own way just like she used to with her dad.

that 35k is already wrapped around her finger as far as she is concerned.

I browsed mumsnet yesterday after someone mentioned it in GD and loads of them were of the opinion

early days in a relationship = you can cheat.
not serious = you can cheat.
not married = you can cheat.

it makes me wonder what the world is coming to.
 
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Marriage means nothing unless you had contracts drawn up when you bought the house.

She will be entitled to a proportion whether you are married or not.

I had a mate who got married and his Mrs was like you. She ears 4 times what he does and had been burnt. She had the house in her name only, contracts drawn up and he paid rent as a tenant. They got married and had 2 kids and now she realizes he is not going to screw her.

Do you trust her? Life is too short to tarnish everyone with the same stick
 
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