1 Big problem in relationship

CosmicClown · 11 Mar 2014 at 12:31

What the hell is it with women.

I told my EX before I got with her that I never intend to get married, she was all like 'Yeah yeah thats fine, it doesnt mean anything anyway'

A year later, she's always casually dropping the idea into conversation and when I remind her what I said she gets all ****y with me and it always ended up with me walking out.

I think how she perceived the conversation was 'Oh he doesnt wanna get married YET, but I can CHANGE him'

I asked her to give me one logical reason to get married, she couldnt give me one, like most women I've been with its just *shrugs* 'because everyone else does it' or 'It's what you do'. I'm sorry but thats not a reason, just 'cos society are a herd of lemmings throwing themselves over a cliff does not mean I'll do the same because 'Its what you do'.

To answer the OP, just walk away, she will NOT get the idea out of her head, she watched too many Disney films as a kid, find someone with their head screwed on.

arknor · 11 Mar 2014 at 12:33

the only people who want to get married are the ones who will benefit from a divorce

or the naive young girls who think it's Disney princess day

tell her you will compromise and get married at the civic centre , see how much she really wants that big day and how much she wants your loot

Tefal · 11 Mar 2014 at 12:34

cheesyboy said:
Source: http://www.bsdivorcesolicitors.co.uk/capital.php

BSdivorcesolicitors is a very bad choice of web page lol

cheesyboy · 11 Mar 2014 at 12:34

CosmicClown said:
What the hell is it with women.

I told my EX before I got with her that I never intend to get married, she was all like 'Yeah yeah thats fine, it doesnt mean anything anyway'

A year later, she's always casually dropping the idea into conversation and when I remind her what I said she gets all ****y with me and it always ended up with me walking out.

I think how she perceived the conversation was 'Oh he doesnt wanna get married YET, but I can CHANGE him'

I asked her to give me one logical reason to get married, she couldnt give me one, like most women I've been with its just *shrugs* 'because everyone else does it' or 'It's what you do'. I'm sorry but thats not a reason, just 'cos society are a herd of lemmings throwing themselves over a cliff does not mean I'll do the same because 'Its what you do'.

To answer the OP, just walk away, she will NOT get the idea out of her head, she watched too many Disney films as a kid, find someone with their head screwed on.

I can understand not being fussed about getting married (I was pretty neutral on it), but what do you have such a stick up your ass about it such that you'd prefer to get on some power trip with your partner about putting your foot down over it? How is it worth so much to you that you'd prefer to upset you loved one over it?

Some folk really have issues.

Tefal · 11 Mar 2014 at 12:35

OP have the ceremoney change her name but never sign papers. job done

arknor · 11 Mar 2014 at 12:36

cheesyboy said:
Some folk really have issues.

name 1 good reason to get married? why can't you show your total love without a make believe piece of paper?

if she is on benefits op gets screwed

marriage vs awesome holiday together.

I'd choose spending the money on something you enjoy for more than a few hours.

not that I'm suggesting all women are gold diggers ,my ex took me for nothing , asks me for no child maintenance and we are still good friends.

the family house she remains in with my child and my stepson for her to live in until the children move out and then it will get sold and the money split between the 2 children.

neither of us will have had any financial gain from the marriage apart from her getting to live rent free whilst the kids need a stable home

Tefal · 11 Mar 2014 at 12:37

cheesyboy said:
I don't see how seat belts are ever prioritised ahead of success, though.

it's planning for failure not planning for success just what you said is stupid.

so are all fail safes really and the vast majority of all plans include plans for failure. not planning for failure is stupid.

MookJong · 11 Mar 2014 at 12:39

arknor said:
the only people who want to get married are the ones who will benefit from a divorce or the naive young girls who think it's Disney princess day

Yes this explains how over thousands of years and in nearly every culture on the globe, marriage rituals and the idea of Husband and Wife have persisted.

You should try thinking a bit bigger sometimes...

4T5 · 11 Mar 2014 at 12:39

You need to be careful as even a common law wife has a claim after a certain amount of time. Best thing to do is get a new one every 6 - 8 months enjoy the honeymoon period & then ignore them until they go away.
I've managed to not get married in all my years so I'm sure others can. I do go with women for longer than the 6 - 8 month safety period but none of them ever move in or even leave a toothbrush here. Not for everybody I know but it works for me.

CosmicClown · 11 Mar 2014 at 12:44

cheesyboy said:
I can understand not being fussed about getting married (I was pretty neutral on it), but what do you have such a stick up your ass about it such that you'd prefer to get on some power trip with your partner about putting your foot down over it? How is it worth so much to you that you'd prefer to upset you loved one over it?

Some folk really have issues.

Did you read the post, I told said woman BEFORE I got with her that I have no intention of getting married, I said if thats not something you're happy about then we'll end this before it goes any further and feelings are hurt.

A year later she then starts doing my head in about it, you're damn right I'm going to be annoyed about it. She obviously didnt listen to a word I said.

If she said to me at the beginning of the relationship, I dont ever want you to put your willy up my bum and I said okay thats fine I wont, then a year later during sex I try and ram it in there, whos in the wrong? Does she not have the right to be angry at me after I said I wouldnt do that? Yeah, you're damn right she does.

Hilarious comparison, but the logic fits.

antijoke · 11 Mar 2014 at 12:45

Ignore this prenup crap for a second, the root cause here is you do not want to get married and she does, if neither of you can compromise on that then there is no point being together, it just wont work out in the long run, just like if one partner wants kids and the other doesn't.

Sadly there is no real middle ground on this either, one person will not be happy with the outcome and that will have an impact on the relationship.

cheesyboy · 11 Mar 2014 at 12:46

arknor said:
name 1 good reason to get married?

That it's really important to the person you purport to love?

If there was something that was desperately important to me, then I know my wife would support me in it even if it was something she didn't share a passion for. That's what happens in relationships.

cheesyboy · 11 Mar 2014 at 12:47

CosmicClown said:
Did you read the post, I told said woman BEFORE I got with her that I have no intention of getting married, I said if thats not something you're happy about then we'll end this before it goes any further and feelings are hurt.

A year later she then starts doing my head in about it, you're damn right I'm going to be annoyed about it. She obviously didnt listen to a word I said.

Well at least you weren't taken for a fool, eh?

Good for you, son. Good for you.

arknor · 11 Mar 2014 at 12:48

MookJong said:
Yes this explains how over thousands of years and in nearly every culture on the globe, marriage rituals and the idea of Husband and Wife have persisted.

You should try thinking a bit bigger sometimes...

not for the reasons you think off they haven't.

people used to marry their children into families where they would have something to gain from it and even peasants were marrying their kids off for a heard of cattle.

OP's profile says he is 44 how old is this woman? if shes much younger then maybe peoples opinions will change

Housey · 11 Mar 2014 at 12:49

I must be a generation out or something, but when I got married I never gave and have never given a thought to what happens to my monies if it all goes pear shaped. If it goes pear shaped it's one of those things and for over 20 years I've earned anywhere between 3 and 10 + times the money my wife has. We have a joint account and everything hits that account and goes from there. I have never once had cold sweats about that even when it's had an amount of money in it that would allow me to really push the boat out and go Bacon Double Cheeseburger XL with double fries and 'some' sides, you know, REALLY well off!

cheesyboy · 11 Mar 2014 at 12:49

Tefal said:
it's planning for failure not planning for success just what you said is stupid.

so are all fail safes really and the vast majority of all plans include plans for failure. not planning for failure is stupid.

Your pedantry is clouding your reasoning.

OP's problem is that his failure-planning is obstructing the potential success of his relationship. THAT is retarded.

A seat belt doesn't obstruct the success of taking a drive.

Jano · 11 Mar 2014 at 12:50

Some peoples views on marriage really scare me. Why is it so important? What is the big deal? I see no benefit from it whatsoever.

Devlish · 11 Mar 2014 at 12:51

CosmicClown said:
Did you read the post, I told said woman BEFORE I got with her that I have no intention of getting married, I said if thats not something you're happy about then we'll end this before it goes any further and feelings are hurt.

A year later she then starts doing my head in about it, you're damn right I'm going to be annoyed about it. She obviously didnt listen to a word I said.

If she said to me at the beginning of the relationship, I dont ever want you to put your willy up my bum and I said okay thats fine I wont, then a year later during sex I try and ram it in there, whos in the wrong? Does she not have the right to be angry at me after I said I wouldnt do that? Yeah, you're damn right she does.

Hilarious comparison, but the logic fits.

You definitely shouldnt get married.

BuffetSlayer · 11 Mar 2014 at 12:52

arknor said:
the only people who want to get married are the ones who will benefit from a divorce or the naive young girls who think it's Disney princess day

tell her you will compromise and get married at the civic centre , see how much she really wants that big day and how much she wants your loot

Such a bitter point of view.

I wanted to get married for none of those reasons, but because I love my wife and want to be with her for the rest of my life.

You talk of marriage like it only something women want?

arknor · 11 Mar 2014 at 12:53

Housey said:
I must be a generation out or something, but when I got married I never gave and have never given a thought to what happens to my monies if it all goes pear shaped. If it goes pear shaped it's one of those things and for over 20 years I've earned anywhere between 3 and 10 + times the money my wife has. We have a joint account and everything hits that account and goes from there. I have never once had cold sweats about that even when it's had an amount of money in it that would allow me to really push the boat out and go Bacon Double Cheeseburger XL with double fries and 'some' sides, you know, REALLY well off!

and if you split up would you feel comfortable marrying someone who is fairly poor?

OP is 44 apparently.
this woman still lived with her mum?!?!?!?!? I'm getting the feeling she is in her early twenties from what he's said.

if that's the case then you would still feel comfortable about her staying with you for the rest of your life? even when your old and need constant care? she would still be young and wanting to go out with her friends her own age