2004: "World of Warcraft" is introduced. It costs $20 at release and allows characters in a large non-dynamic world to wander around and grind their way up to level 40 and obsess over loot to show off how big their e-peen is to everyone.
2004: Crap, everyone in the game is level 40 inside of a week and has every imaginable uberloot item. Since everyone's e-peen is now the same size as everyone else players begin to unsubscribe in massive numbers.
2005: Level cap raised to 50. More uberloot added. Player resubscribe to extend their e-peens another ten levels and find the not-so-super-rare items that, strangely enough, everyone else also has identical copies of due to a complete lack of any sort of flexible crafting system.
2006: Level cap raised to 60 in light of falling subscriptions that every level 50 character has the same size e-peen as every other. Since they also have the same head-to-toe body encompassing "ultra rare" loot items, players begin to realize that they're all exactly alike, again. Since no one is unique anymore (not that they ever were) and no can be proven to have the One True E-Peen, people get bored with WoW again, unsubscribe, and finally notice the notes left behind by their wives that have left them.
2007: Realizing that there was still money left on the planet that Blizzard didn't own, they release "The Burning Crusade" expansion pack for $30. This raises the level cap to 70, adds more ultra-rare uberloot and flying horsies! Behold the might of our glorious e-peens as we swoop through the sky in the dazzling prism of sparking color of pegasi. Two new races are added, one that looks like Satyrs for the borderline furry crowd (read: women) and another that look like "normal" elves, except in an uber-effiminate anime style the screams for homoerotic slashfic from the get-go for the other end of the crowd (read: also women). Strangely enough, calling someone gay in game is still considered an insult. However, women now get into the addiction, thus allowing Blizzard to snare the other half of the world's population into their net. It also adds a new class, the Paladin, which combines the powers of warriors and priests into one class than can pwnz0r them both. So if you don't buy this expansion right now then you're pathetic level 70 warriors and priests will all get pwnz0red by all the level 70 paladins with bigger e-peens than yours.
2008: Blizzard, now mad with power, announce another expansion called "Wrath of the Lich King" which will cost $40 and raise the level cap to 80. It will also include even more ultra-rare uberloot that will allow those who've shown true loyalty in mindless buying every expansion the ability to pwnz0r everyone who didn't in one hit. This pack also introduced the Death Knight class, which combines the powers of the warrior, priest, and mage all in one. See pwnz0red, above. This new class will also get it's own unique mount, copied directly from the horse seen in the now defunct "D&D" cartoon series of the early 1980s. Blizzard hopes that the introduction of Death Knights will also bring in the few remaining hold-outs from the Counterstrike Crowd by offering them the chance to look & act like death metal gods in a video game.
2009: Blizzard, fearing the growth of "Age of Conan," announce another expansion called "The Harpy Harem" which raises the level cap to 90 and, far more importantly, adds sex to the game. Not just any old sex, either, but sex with every overdeveloped, underdressed, silicone and/or steroid endowed fantasy creatures ever seen in the game so far, including other players, but that never actually happens because all the female characters in the game are actually played by strange men and all the women who play the game are too busy acting out homoerotic slashfic scenes with their male Blood Elf characters to pay any attention to the actual men in the game. However, cashing in the fantasy/furry market brings in even more women players than before, although the ultimate theme of the game remains, as always, to have the exact same super-super-ultra-rare uberloot as the next guy and have a one pixel larger e-peen than anyone else.
2010: Yet another expansion, this one called "Lairs of Loot" attempt to downplay the last expansion and get WoW back onto it's original course of catering to a more-or-less implied e-peen size than actually showing it. This expansion raises the level cap to 100 and adds over sixteen thousand new must-have items, all of which can totally pwnz0r anyone who doesn't immediately buy the expansion pack in one hit. Inventory space is not increased, however, so that players are forced to purchase multiple accounts just to store all sixteen thousand of the new uberloot items. Gotta catch 'em all! The race for the biggest e-peen has now escalated into all-out war. Blizzard silences a legal case, in which the government threatens to sue Blizzard over an incident of a mother letting her two year old child die of fever because she was too busy grinding "one more level" to take said child to the hospital, by using an out-of-court settlement to provide both the judge and prosecuting attorney with two custom programmed almost-truly unique super-loot swords for their characters that could totally pwnz0r even the expansion pack buyers in one hit.
2011: Blizzard, now drunk with power, release another expansion pack is released called "You have no life." It costs $500, contains no new regions, no new items, no new creatures, graphics, sound effects or music. In fact it contains absolutely no new content at all. It does, however, raise the level cap for a single character up to 101. Riddled with bed-wetting, knee-knocking, hand-shacking fear of having a 1% smaller e-peen than anyone else, the world buys three hundred million copies in the first twenty-four hours of release. Microsoft, General Motors and Exxon are now all subsidiaries of Blizzard Entertainment.
2012: On Dec.21st a meltdown at Blizzard Nuclear Plant #7 in China causes a cascade of power outages that puts their entire power grid offline, and in doing so, causes the their sixteen acre mainframe server to go offline as well, which, being the nexus of all global telecommunications after Blizzard bought them all with it's chump-change, effectively rendered the entire planet offline.
As billions of people stare blankly at their screens, they wipe the drool off their chins, many noticing that their Blizzard Automatic Butt Wipe Machines have been out of toilet paper for months and that colonies of maggots now live in their anuses to do for them that which they could not do for themselves, and notice that beyond their windows the rusted husks of cars (a momento of a world before the oil ran out) lay scattered amongst empty streets filled with wild animals that do not care. Stepping outside, a shiny faced teen picks up a screwdriver and looks at the large bear just outside his front door, and chuckles to himself, saying "Joo is ten xp!" and lunges.
The bear totally pwnz0rs him, then whips out it's r-peen and urinates on the human's smelly, emaciated corpse, because let's be honest, it's just not worth looting.
(shamelessly ripped from wwiio barracks forum)
2004: Crap, everyone in the game is level 40 inside of a week and has every imaginable uberloot item. Since everyone's e-peen is now the same size as everyone else players begin to unsubscribe in massive numbers.
2005: Level cap raised to 50. More uberloot added. Player resubscribe to extend their e-peens another ten levels and find the not-so-super-rare items that, strangely enough, everyone else also has identical copies of due to a complete lack of any sort of flexible crafting system.
2006: Level cap raised to 60 in light of falling subscriptions that every level 50 character has the same size e-peen as every other. Since they also have the same head-to-toe body encompassing "ultra rare" loot items, players begin to realize that they're all exactly alike, again. Since no one is unique anymore (not that they ever were) and no can be proven to have the One True E-Peen, people get bored with WoW again, unsubscribe, and finally notice the notes left behind by their wives that have left them.
2007: Realizing that there was still money left on the planet that Blizzard didn't own, they release "The Burning Crusade" expansion pack for $30. This raises the level cap to 70, adds more ultra-rare uberloot and flying horsies! Behold the might of our glorious e-peens as we swoop through the sky in the dazzling prism of sparking color of pegasi. Two new races are added, one that looks like Satyrs for the borderline furry crowd (read: women) and another that look like "normal" elves, except in an uber-effiminate anime style the screams for homoerotic slashfic from the get-go for the other end of the crowd (read: also women). Strangely enough, calling someone gay in game is still considered an insult. However, women now get into the addiction, thus allowing Blizzard to snare the other half of the world's population into their net. It also adds a new class, the Paladin, which combines the powers of warriors and priests into one class than can pwnz0r them both. So if you don't buy this expansion right now then you're pathetic level 70 warriors and priests will all get pwnz0red by all the level 70 paladins with bigger e-peens than yours.
2008: Blizzard, now mad with power, announce another expansion called "Wrath of the Lich King" which will cost $40 and raise the level cap to 80. It will also include even more ultra-rare uberloot that will allow those who've shown true loyalty in mindless buying every expansion the ability to pwnz0r everyone who didn't in one hit. This pack also introduced the Death Knight class, which combines the powers of the warrior, priest, and mage all in one. See pwnz0red, above. This new class will also get it's own unique mount, copied directly from the horse seen in the now defunct "D&D" cartoon series of the early 1980s. Blizzard hopes that the introduction of Death Knights will also bring in the few remaining hold-outs from the Counterstrike Crowd by offering them the chance to look & act like death metal gods in a video game.
2009: Blizzard, fearing the growth of "Age of Conan," announce another expansion called "The Harpy Harem" which raises the level cap to 90 and, far more importantly, adds sex to the game. Not just any old sex, either, but sex with every overdeveloped, underdressed, silicone and/or steroid endowed fantasy creatures ever seen in the game so far, including other players, but that never actually happens because all the female characters in the game are actually played by strange men and all the women who play the game are too busy acting out homoerotic slashfic scenes with their male Blood Elf characters to pay any attention to the actual men in the game. However, cashing in the fantasy/furry market brings in even more women players than before, although the ultimate theme of the game remains, as always, to have the exact same super-super-ultra-rare uberloot as the next guy and have a one pixel larger e-peen than anyone else.
2010: Yet another expansion, this one called "Lairs of Loot" attempt to downplay the last expansion and get WoW back onto it's original course of catering to a more-or-less implied e-peen size than actually showing it. This expansion raises the level cap to 100 and adds over sixteen thousand new must-have items, all of which can totally pwnz0r anyone who doesn't immediately buy the expansion pack in one hit. Inventory space is not increased, however, so that players are forced to purchase multiple accounts just to store all sixteen thousand of the new uberloot items. Gotta catch 'em all! The race for the biggest e-peen has now escalated into all-out war. Blizzard silences a legal case, in which the government threatens to sue Blizzard over an incident of a mother letting her two year old child die of fever because she was too busy grinding "one more level" to take said child to the hospital, by using an out-of-court settlement to provide both the judge and prosecuting attorney with two custom programmed almost-truly unique super-loot swords for their characters that could totally pwnz0r even the expansion pack buyers in one hit.
2011: Blizzard, now drunk with power, release another expansion pack is released called "You have no life." It costs $500, contains no new regions, no new items, no new creatures, graphics, sound effects or music. In fact it contains absolutely no new content at all. It does, however, raise the level cap for a single character up to 101. Riddled with bed-wetting, knee-knocking, hand-shacking fear of having a 1% smaller e-peen than anyone else, the world buys three hundred million copies in the first twenty-four hours of release. Microsoft, General Motors and Exxon are now all subsidiaries of Blizzard Entertainment.
2012: On Dec.21st a meltdown at Blizzard Nuclear Plant #7 in China causes a cascade of power outages that puts their entire power grid offline, and in doing so, causes the their sixteen acre mainframe server to go offline as well, which, being the nexus of all global telecommunications after Blizzard bought them all with it's chump-change, effectively rendered the entire planet offline.
As billions of people stare blankly at their screens, they wipe the drool off their chins, many noticing that their Blizzard Automatic Butt Wipe Machines have been out of toilet paper for months and that colonies of maggots now live in their anuses to do for them that which they could not do for themselves, and notice that beyond their windows the rusted husks of cars (a momento of a world before the oil ran out) lay scattered amongst empty streets filled with wild animals that do not care. Stepping outside, a shiny faced teen picks up a screwdriver and looks at the large bear just outside his front door, and chuckles to himself, saying "Joo is ten xp!" and lunges.
The bear totally pwnz0rs him, then whips out it's r-peen and urinates on the human's smelly, emaciated corpse, because let's be honest, it's just not worth looting.
(shamelessly ripped from wwiio barracks forum)
