A joke for you all.

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"RELIGIOUS BOYFRIEND"

A young man goes into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Hello, could
you give me condom. I'm going to my girlfriends for dinner and I think I may
be in with a chance!" The pharmacist gives him the condom and as the young
man is going out; he returns and says, "Give me another condom because my
girlfriend's sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs in a
provocative manner when she sees me and I think I might strike it lucky
there too." The pharmacist gives him a second condom and as the boy is
leaving he turns back and says, "Go on, give me one more condom because my
girlfriend's mum is still pretty cute and when she sees me she always makes
eyes, and since she invited me for dinner, I think she is expecting me to
make a move!

During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his
left, the sister on his right and the mum facing him. When the dad
gets there, the boy lowers his head and starts praying, "Dear Lord, bless
this dinner and Thank you for all you give us." A minute later the boy is
still praying; "and Thank you Lord for your kindness." Ten minutes go by and the
boy is still praying, keeping his head down. The others look at each other
surprised and his girlfriend is even more surprised than the others. She
gets close to the boy and says in his ear, "I didn't know you were so
religious." The boy replies, "I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist!"
 
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Soldato
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I always hear that joke alongside:

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed.

The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day.

Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job. The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!". "No matter," said the man. "Observe!" And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon.

The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced that he had found a replacement for Quasimodo. But suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.

The stunned bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before. As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?".

"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, "but his face rings a bell."

BUT, WAIT! WAIT! There's more . . .

The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.

The first man to approach him said, "Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty.".

The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armlessmman's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot.

Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side. "What has happened? Who is this man?" the first monk asked breathlessly.

"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, "but....He's a dead ringer for his brother."
 
Associate
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Both jokes were good but I think I preffered the second joke even though it was a pun.

Here's a good crude one:

A man brings home a willy sucking frog and gives it to his wife.

She asks "What the **** am I supposed to do with that"

So he replies "Teach it to cook, then **** off"
 
Last edited:
Caporegime
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Might as well chuck a couple of useless facts into the mix..

Dead Ringer: Derived from the ages when people were so feared of being buried alive (mistaken death, buried, then later awaken in the coffin 6ft under) it became common practice to install a bell on the headstone, and the pull string lead into the coffin. Should the person need to get out, they can ring the bell. The saying then came from anyone who looked like the deceased, and were asked "Are you a dead ringer?" or similar.

Grave yard shift: the people who were paid to listen for said bells.
 
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