A little Evening Joke :)

Big Spender · 19 Sep 2006 at 22:09

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.

She went completely ballistic. "You impotent *******," She screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:

"I'll explain the toy . . you explain the kids."

Six6siX · 19 Sep 2006 at 22:12

Noooooooooooooooooooo

Greenlizard0 · 19 Sep 2006 at 22:12

A golden oldie

G|mp · 19 Sep 2006 at 22:12

Please fully star out your swearwords

megzy · 19 Sep 2006 at 22:13

Love that joke

Steve09 · 19 Sep 2006 at 22:16

lol @ Joke

Never heard it before

Ex-RoNiN · 19 Sep 2006 at 22:19

marcus25 said:
There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.

She went completely ballistic. "You impotent *******," She screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:

"I'll explain the toy . . you explain the kids."

Brilliant

Scuzi · 19 Sep 2006 at 22:24

After their wedding, a couple went to the bridal suite for their wedding night. They hadn't made love since meeting as they wanted to save themselves for marriage. The husband couldnt wait and made love to his new wife as soon as they got through the door. During their session, the man noticed that his wifes toes kept curling up. He thought this was a bit strange but never said anything.
They made love 10 times a day for the next two weeks and every time, the husband noticed that his wifes toes were curling up every time they did it. He decided to ask her about it.

"Honey, why is it that every time we do it, your toes curl up and down?"
"Because you're so bloody frisky, you don't give me enough time to get my tights off!"

Six6siX · 19 Sep 2006 at 23:10

Scuzi said:
After their wedding, a couple went to the bridal suite for their wedding night. They hadn't made love since meeting as they wanted to save themselves for marriage. The husband couldnt wait and made love to his new wife as soon as they got through the door. During their session, the man noticed that his wifes toes kept curling up. He thought this was a bit strange but never said anything.
They made love 10 times a day for the next two weeks and every time, the husband noticed that his wifes toes were curling up every time they did it. He decided to ask her about it.

"Honey, why is it that every time we do it, your toes curl up and down?"
"Because you're so bloody frisky, you don't give me enough time to get my tights off!"

Yesssssssssssssssssssss! Much better

spud3912 · 19 Sep 2006 at 23:13

the quality of these jokes is much better than the norm

crystaline · 19 Sep 2006 at 23:15

oops, posted this in the wrong topic before..

----

A man was waiting for his wife to give birth when the doctor informed him that his son had been born without torso, arms or legs. The son was just a head!
The father loved his son and raised him with love and compassion.

On his 18th birthday, he felt his son was old enough for a drink. Dad took him to the pub and amidst tears of joy ordered a pint of the strongest lager for his boy.
The pub patrons looked curious and the bartender shook his head as the boy took his first sip of alcohol.

Swoooosh! Plop!! A torso suddenly popped out from under his neck! After a moments silence, the bar burst into a joyous uproar.

The father, shocked at this development, begged his son to drink again and the patrons chanted "Take another drink!" The bartender continues to shake his head in dismay at the grotesque spectacle.

Swoooosh! Plip! Plop!! This time, a pair of arms popped out of the torso.

The bar went wild and the father, tearfully begged his son to drink again.

The patrons chant, "Take another drink! Take another drink!!"

The bartender went back to polishing glasses, clearly unimpressed by the amazing scenes.

The now tipsy lad reached out and grabbed another drink and guzzled the lot.

Plop! Plip!! Two legs popped out of the torso and the bar erupted into more chaos. The father fell to his knees and tearfully thanked God for this wonderful miracle.
The boy stumbled onto his wobbly new legs and staggered through the front door, into the street, whereupon a truck ran him over him and killed him instantly. The bar fell eerily silent.

The father began wailing in grief as the bartender sighed and said,

(Wait for it)

"He should've quit while he was a head!"

MrSix · 19 Sep 2006 at 23:15

I'm amazed at where the OP joke was found though...I know the website and i'm shocked that somebody on here would visit it

monkeypants · 19 Sep 2006 at 23:18

Why did the fat child cry?

He fell in some dog mess!

Why did the elephant die in the Sahara desert?

It fell out of a plane!

Why was the postman fired?

He was blind!

monkeypants · 19 Sep 2006 at 23:20

MrSix said:
I'm amazed at where the OP joke was found though...I know the website and i'm shocked that somebody on here would visit it

OcUK?

MrSix · 19 Sep 2006 at 23:22

Six6siX · 19 Sep 2006 at 23:22

monkeypants said:
snip

*cries*

VeNT · 19 Sep 2006 at 23:24

monkeypants said:
OcUK?

9 day old jokes for the win!

badgermonkey · 20 Sep 2006 at 02:34

monkeypants said:
Why did the fat child cry?

He fell in some dog mess!

Why did the elephant die in the Sahara desert?

It fell out of a plane!

Why was the postman fired?

He was blind!

You ahve to ruin every joke thread with these stupid things that STILL make me laugh?

Skunkworks · 20 Sep 2006 at 02:41

marcus25 said:
There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.

She went completely ballistic. "You impotent *******," She screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:

"I'll explain the toy . . you explain the kids."

Be careful with that joke it’s an antique.

badgermonkey · 20 Sep 2006 at 02:47

Skunkworks said:
Be careful with that joke it’s an antique.

I STILL think it's funny