Adopting a child.

RoboCod

RoboCod

RoboCod

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I just wondered, has anyone here adopted a child?

If so, was your adopted child British or foreign? How has it been experience wise? (nightmare/challenging/excellent/etc). What problems were there, both in the process of adopting and the process of bringing the child up? Finally, would you do it again?

I have no doubt it's a highly challenging affair, I just wonder about details or if there are matters or problems I've not really considered before now.

Thanks for any feedback.
 
Hi there.
My wife and I have been going through the adoption process for just over two years. Hope to be parents soon.

See if local to you adoption agencies or local social services have an open day event where you can ask questions etc. That's how we started.

Prepare for a lot of scrutiny and learning (most people have no clue about anything adoption related).
Government target is to get people approved for adoption in 6 months. Took us 1.5 years to get there.

Adoption in England is pretty much free, but adoption from abroad will cost thousands.

It's not been easy but our experience of social workers have been great, thery have been very supportive and helpful.
Now just waiting for a match with a child.
 
[FnG]magnolia said:
I was with you until 'British or foreign'. My word.
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Ha that's not really how it was meant to read. I just wondered what kind of different hurdles, if any, there were to adopting foreign to British national children.

Good to see your thought process rings through as usual though ;)
 
Yevgeny said:
Hi there.
My wife and I have been going through the adoption process for just over two years. Hope to be parents soon.

See if local to you adoption agencies or local social services have an open day event where you can ask questions etc. That's how we started.

Prepare for a lot of scrutiny and learning (most people have no clue about anything adoption related).
Government target is to get people approved for adoption in 6 months. Took us 1.5 years to get there.

Adoption in England is pretty much free, but adoption from abroad will cost thousands.

It's not been easy but our experience of social workers have been great, thery have been very supportive and helpful.
Now just waiting for a match with a child.
Click to expand...
Thanks for the information. I realise there is a lot of disinformation out there so just gauging other people's experiences would be good.
 
Just posting to say kudos to those who adopt. Two close friends of mine were adopted and came out of it as well-rounded individuals despite the crappy start in life they had.

I'm far too much of a selfish git to consider having my own kids, nevermind someone else's so thumbs up to those who are selfless enough to do it. I can't possibly imagine how much hard work that must involve. :)
 
We used to foster and did start looking into adoption. Suprisingly the two aren't compatible. The fostering agency and social workers basically said we had to take a year to 18 months off from our fostering job to adopt a child. The trouble was it was our job and only major source of income. It wasn't long after that when we stopped fostering. We didn't actually adopt in the end.

The kids were fine. It was the bloody 'professionals' that made it unbearable in the end.
 
Tealc said:
We used to foster and did start looking into adoption. Suprisingly the two aren't compatible. The fostering agency and social workers basically said we had to take a year to 18 months off from our fostering job to adopt a child. The trouble was it was our job and only major source of income. It wasn't long after that when we stopped fostering. We didn't actually adopt in the end.

The kids were fine. It was the bloody 'professionals' that made it unbearable in the end.
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How so? What kind of things did you experience with the agencies/professionals?
 
The whole process can be extremely rewarding and, at times, extremely frustrating....but definitely more rewarding :) At the end of it all, we're massively pro-adoption. It's just a fantastic experience on the whole.

You have to open yourself up to the system and sometimes give in to it. Things happen that, at the time, just seem really strange and a complete waste of time but after a while you start to get your head around things that help everything make sense. You will open up your life to a complete stranger, your social worker. I've had some friends who didn't get on with their social worker particularly well which, I think, turned their journey into a little bit of a battle. We were really lucky though and absolutely adore our social worker. She is amazing and whilst we don't really have contact now, she has a very special place in our hearts.

The whole process is about being brutally honest. They're not looking for the perfect human being. In fact, showing your weaknesses and some of your bad points is far better...they want to see the real you. Drug history? Drinking? Abuse? Illness? Anything "negative" that you can show you have overcome and how you dealt with it, even if you've not fully overcome it, can be a huge bonus. Don't try to pretend to be the perfect person.

To bring in the cliche, it's a huge rollercoaster. So many ups and downs with being passed by multiple panels of people to progress through certain stages to seeing children's profiles and wondering if they might become your child. It's a very emotional journey.

Sorry, a bit of a ramble there but might give you a few things to think about :)
 
Desmo said:
The whole process can be extremely rewarding and, at times, extremely frustrating....but definitely more rewarding :) At the end of it all, we're massively pro-adoption. It's just a fantastic experience on the whole.

You have to open yourself up to the system and sometimes give in to it. Things happen that, at the time, just seem really strange and a complete waste of time but after a while you start to get your head around things that help everything make sense. You will open up your life to a complete stranger, your social worker. I've had some friends who didn't get on with their social worker particularly well which, I think, turned their journey into a little bit of a battle. We were really lucky though and absolutely adore our social worker. She is amazing and whilst we don't really have contact now, she has a very special place in our hearts.

The whole process is about being brutally honest. They're not looking for the perfect human being. In fact, showing your weaknesses and some of your bad points is far better...they want to see the real you. Drug history? Drinking? Abuse? Illness? Anything "negative" that you can show you have overcome and how you dealt with it, even if you've not fully overcome it, can be a huge bonus. Don't try to pretend to be the perfect person.

To bring in the cliche, it's a huge rollercoaster. So many ups and downs with being passed by multiple panels of people to progress through certain stages to seeing children's profiles and wondering if they might become your child. It's a very emotional journey.

Sorry, a bit of a ramble there but might give you a few things to think about :)
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I assume you have adopted then? May I ask, how old was the child when you took them in?
 
Desmo said:
8 months old for us, she is 17 months old now :)
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Congrats :)

Friends have tried but the then he admitted having a piggy in the alley and it all went pair shaped - they have one of their own but can't have another.

Something that makes me think - we're older and they attempt to get people to 'fit' age wise according to the folks.

We have just had a double miscarriage - so this may be an option in future. Too early to discuss but once she's out of hospital this may be a option.
 
Bassmansam said:
Really?
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[FnG]magnolia said:
I was with you until 'British or foreign'. My word.
Click to expand...

Honestly don't know how you can even think he's being anything other than sincere.

We may need to look into adoption, and we read the other day that a couple is suing the establishment for not being allowed to adopt, they are both born and raised british, however both sides of their parents are indian and as a result, they aren't allowed to adopt.

My Dad was Iranian (He's dead now) my partner is Romanian, does this mean we fall into the same BS because of where someone comes from? The ops post is very relevant to me if we do end up adopting.
 
Adoption i imagine is very much done on a case by case basis and so as long as it wont be considered too much of a culture shock, it wont be as difficult to adopt. So if the child is very young, i think your chances of adoption are higher than say a child who is 8 or 9 because your wife is Romanian.

This is just me guessing though.

My girlfriends mother was adopted and has 4 other adopted borthers/sister. I have met them and they seem so so much closer than my non adopted triplet siblings.
 
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