After all these years documenting weddings, here's my advice to anyone thinking of getting married

My advice to anyone tempted to get married... Don't.

Seriously what is the point? Especially for the man. Marrriage is little more than a legal contract which results in a financial raping around 50% of the time. You may as well flip a coin. If it comes out heads then find someone you hate and give them your house, pension and all your money and let them shout at you for a few years beforehand. Then distance yourself from all your friends. At least that way you haven't paid out ££££ for the wedding.
 
There is a reason more men are refusing to marry.

Everyone knows at least a couple of guys who have been done over. If kids are involved then you're really ******. Just a money pinyata.
 
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Hades said:
My advice to anyone tempted to get married... Don't.

Seriously what is the point? Especially for the man. Marrriage is little more than a legal contract which results in a financial raping around 50% of the time. You may as well flip a coin. If it comes out heads then find someone you hate and give them your house, pension and all your money and let them shout at you for a few years beforehand. Then distance yourself from all your friends. At least that way you haven't paid out ££££ for the wedding.
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Isn't it true that these days, married or not, if kids are involved you're going to get bled dry anyhow.

And even if kids aren't involved, if you've been living togeter "as/like man and wife", the partner has a claim to loss of earnings, etc?
 
FoxEye said:
Isn't it true that these days, married or not, if kids are involved you're going to get bled dry anyhow.

And even if kids aren't involved, if you've been living togeter "as/like man and wife", the partner has a claim to loss of earnings, etc?
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Not sure about the earnings. Without kids I doubt any partner can have a claim on loss of earnings.

But yes true about kids. If you have kids then you are quite rightly responsible for their financial and emotional wellbeing, regardless of marriage. That's as it should be.
 
It's all about parental responsibility - if you are named on the brith certificate then you have parental responsibility. Either parent can then be compelled to pay maintenance to any children.

Married or not doesn't matter.

English law has no concept of 'common law marriage' it's an urban folklore myth.

Pre-matrimonial and post matrimonial assets do count though - so stuff you owned before marriage is treated separately to stuff you get whilst married.

My own opinion is that the law is pretty solid when it comes to divorce. Without kids it's just two people breaking up. The second kids are involved it should be all about putting their interests first.
 
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Nasher said:
There is a reason more men are refusing to marry.

Everyone knows at least a couple of guys who have been done over. If kids are involved then you're really ******. Just a money pinyata.
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I know two guys whose marriages failed, three if you include my first marriage, none of us were taken “to the cleaners.”
I don’t know how their maintenance deals worked out, but I reckon that mine, which included two kids, was so mean toward my innocent ex wife, that I paid what the court awarded her by standing order, and gave her the same amount in cash, every month until she remarried.

Hades said:
My advice to anyone tempted to get married... Don't.

Seriously what is the point? Especially for the man. Marrriage is little more than a legal contract which results in a financial raping around 50% of the time. You may as well flip a coin. If it comes out heads then find someone you hate and give them your house, pension and all your money and let them shout at you for a few years beforehand. Then distance yourself from all your friends. At least that way you haven't paid out ££££ for the wedding.
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I really feel sorry for you, you sound like a sad, sad, person.
I married a truly wonderful woman, who gave me two great sons, but by a chink in my personal psyche, I took every opportunity to chase beautiful women, resulting in the wonderful woman kicking my ass into touch.
Years later, I remarried, and hit the jackpot, no more kids, but a great life together, I don’t deserve it really, but I ain’t going to screw this one up.
 
Jean-F said:
I really feel sorry for you, you sound like a sad, sad, person.
I married a truly wonderful woman, who gave me two great sons, but by a chink in my personal psyche, I took every opportunity to chase beautiful women, resulting in the wonderful woman kicking my ass into touch.
Years later, I remarried, and hit the jackpot, no more kids, but a great life together, I don’t deserve it really, but I ain’t going to screw this one up.
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No need to feel sorry for me or feel a need to try to be condescending. I am still happily married with kids. We have had our ups and downs but generally life has been great.

But I feel you are falling into the trap of assuming that because you met the right woman that every marriage could be the same. Statistically there is no denying that around half of marriages fail. My point was that with such terrible odds the risk vs reward is just not there. Everyone thinks they will be different. Everyone thinks they met a partner who would not be bad to them. But statistically the story just doesn't always go like that. I have seen it rip friends and family apart.

Edit: Married 19 years and together for 27 years.
 
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Hades said:
No need to feel sorry for me or feel a need to try to be condescending. I am still happily married with kids. We have had our ups and downs but generally life has been great.

But I feel you are falling into the trap of assuming that because you met the right woman that every marriage could be the same. Statistically there is no denying that around half of marriages fail. My point was that with such terrible odds the risk vs reward is just not there. Everyone thinks they will be different. Everyone thinks they met a partner who would not be bad to them. But statistically the story just doesn't always go like that. I have seen it rip friends and family apart.

Edit: Married 19 years and together for 27 years.
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Let’s be fair Hades, I was quoting your post # 46, you were p***ing on marriage from a great height, it wasn’t difficult to interpret that as you being anti marriage.
Now you say that you are happily married with kids, good, I’m pleased to hear it, long may it be so.
You say that with half of marriages failing, the odds of risk v reward aren’t good, personally I don’t get that, I didn’t throw the possibility of risk into the equation, it was all reward to my mind.
I was bang in love with my first wife when we married, but still couldn’t resist any girl who gave me the glimmer of a green light.
I’d finally realised that tom catting around was not a good idea when I met wife # 2, and the final one at that, that’s for sure.
I don’t think that I’m falling into any trap, I could only quote my own experiences of marriage, and I know that I was luckier than most, and not for nothing, but I don’t think I was condescending toward you, I wasn’t trying for condescension anyway.
 
Nice to see people be able to admit their mistakes and not feel the need to speak badly of the ex.

I don't think there's a need to say marriage is pointless. It's different for everyone and no one goes in to marriage expecting to divorce. I'm just past our first anniversary and couldn't be happier. But you never know what the future brings. Evidently people change, but I hope for the best.
 
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