Alcoholism? Different types?

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Jofujofu

Jofujofu

Jofujofu

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Well, heres my first ever 'problem' thread. Please bare with me I could use some advice!

Basically a very dear friend of mine has a drink problem. Not in the usual way of drinking all the time, in fact she only drinks occasionally. Thats where the problem lies. When she goes out, she gets merry like the rest of us, then suddenly... Bang! She can barely talk, walk, she talks absolute crap. Thats normally what happens when you drink too much I hear you say.

Thats not the problem though. She offends people, not in a nasty way, but she says things that she wouldn't normally say. She's losing friends because of it. She is always the one that is 'in the news' so to speak. Peoples girlfriends don't really get on with her because she gets very 'touchy feelly'when shes like this, she isn't a **** though so please don't think that.

The morning after, she comes to me and cries her eyes out because she knows how bad she's been. She swears she'll cut down on her consumption the next time, but when she starts drinking thats it. She'll drink her own bodyweight no matter what the consequences. We used to think it was just certain drinks, but now I know its the volume.

She's a great girl and a great friend, and it's breaking my heart to see her do this to herself. When she's sober or half cut, she's great. Unfortunately she can never just stay at reasonable level and I don't know what to do. She'll end up killing herself one day, not from drink but from leaving the gas on or something when she's hammered.

Is this a form of alcoholism? Reading my text above, it doesn't sound like much of a problem, but honestly, it's like a switch turns in her head. I'm worried sick about her, and I really need some advice!!

I'm now sat up so I can keep checking her in case she drowns on her own vomit. I feel like I'm crying inside, and I don't like it!

Over to you OCUK, and thanks in advance for any advice!

Paul
 
Sounds like there is a deep seated underlying reason behind her excessive drinking.

Has anything changed recently in her life that you know of?
 
Seek professional help, not that from a bunch of people on the other side of a series of cables, that could not possibly provide any meaningful information.
 
Stop her from drinking so much? Give her a good slap next time shes had 3 drinks and tell her to grow the hell up and stop being an irresponsible tart.

Really i dunno how old you lot are but if shes 17-21 then i guess its just experimenting and you friends of her should look after her.

well i said it twice one way or another.

cry for help as well if u ask me, she probably wants you loot to take charge of her situation.
 
Will_3rd said:
Sounds like there is a deep seated underlying reason behind her excessive drinking.

Has anything changed recently in her life that you know of?
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Well, I know she split with her other half (me, but thats another story which would probably crash the internet if I typed it out, lol) about six months ago. But she's always been like this, we were together more than six years.

It's the weirdest thing, honestly.

Dj_Jestar said:
Seek professional help, not that from a bunch of people on the other side of a series of cables, that could not possibly provide any meaningful information.
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It's weird, we talk about it the next day and she feels stupid about what she's done. She always promises not to drink as much the next time, and I even try and get her on water for a period of the night but it never makes a difference. How can I pursuade her not to drink at all? It cant be that bad just drinking coke or whatever?

And speaking of professional help, I'm considering it. At the end of the day, these threads are as much about getting stuff written down and out of my head as much as anything, lol.

Paul
 
Efour2 said:
Stop her from drinking so much? Give her a good slap next time shes had 3 drinks and tell her to grow the hell up and stop being an irresponsible tart.

Really i dunno how old you lot are but if shes 17-21 then i guess its just experimenting and you friends of her should look after her.

well i said it twice one way or another.

cry for help as well if u ask me, she probably wants you loot to take charge of her situation.
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I'm 30 she's 25, so we're not kids. I've tried to stop her drinking when we were out, but I can't stop her when I'm not there, lol.

Paul

EDIT: I'm actually going to have to go to sleep now, but thanks for the help so far. I may even let her read this in the morning see what she says!!
 
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Jofujofu said:
I'm 30 she's 25, so we're not kids. I've tried to stop her drinking when we were out, but I can't stop her when I'm not there, lol.

Paul
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Fair enough :O can never tell on a damn forum.

Ive know plenty of people that turn into "nutters" after a few too many beers, and show their true colours. I try and distance myself from them, were as you cant cos you still fancy her? (maybe?)

Have you tried a few idle threats, Last chances?.......... probably :(

Whos the one person she completely respects or looks up to, do they know?

If she was a bloke, this will sound really strange, but it happened to one of my "mates" who had a similar problem, she needs to be arrested or have a Major outside influence but some pressure on her for her stupidity when lashed. he got his by way of a good kick in - taking the wee out of the wrong group of nutters in a nightclub one evening... done him a bit of good mind you.

So NO im not suggesting she gets in a bar fight, maybe arrested or something a real eye opener, a horrible night in a cell might make her see the light.
 
Clearly she is not alcoholic in the sense of having a physical dependancy on alcohol characterised by withdrawl symptoms when she abstains.

Equally clearly her drinking is having an adverse effect on her relationships with her friends and is putting her at risk in other ways.

"Problem drinking" of this sort is really difficult to deal with - if she can't stop after a couple of drinks, maybe she will have to accept that she can't drink at all.
 
Sounds like she just reacts badly to drink. Some people are like that. The answer is that she doesn't drink. Not exactly rocket science.
 
Nicos Rex said:
Clearly she is not alcoholic in the sense of having a physical dependancy on alcohol characterised by withdrawl symptoms when she abstains.

Equally clearly her drinking is having an adverse effect on her relationships with her friends and is putting her at risk in other ways.

"Problem drinking" of this sort is really difficult to deal with - if she can't stop after a couple of drinks, maybe she will have to accept that she can't drink at all.
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That's exactly what I would say.

Now here comes the hard bit - IT'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM - until SHE realises the damage she is doing to herself both physically and to her relationships with those close to her and decides to stop and seek help herself , there's very little you can do about it other than try and pick up the pieces.

As others have said and I'll repeat - she needs professional help , start with a friendly chat with her GP or if she want some anonimity(sp?) one of the help lines posted above.
 
sounds harsh but cut her off and tell her why - we had the same problem with a girl i used to know she used to get very drunk and then do stuff (**** people off, steal stuff from her friends, fake asthma attacks after smoking, pull the closest person standing next to her etc) to get attention (it was attention seeking cos we ignored her one weekend away and she went batty)

It all came to a head one night when she got batterd at my friends house, ran screaming up the road after throwing her bottle of voddy away, turned up at mine, threw up, stole my cd player, and then dissapeard. While all this was happening my friend went out looking for her in his car, he found her when she jumped out into of the middle of the road having seen the car and looking a lift home (my mate driving said she had no idea that it was someone she knew she just bundled into the car and slurred about a lift home) rick took her home, her folks were SO impressed with thier daughter - we didnt care (yes it had got that bad)

she tried to apologise to all of us over the next week or so (she was told her apologies were not accepted and to get lost basically) I believe that was the shock that got her to seek professional help.

It all may seem harsh but it did work - she shaped up, stopped drinking and completed her degree (was near down the tubes) no crazyness since
 
I used to be like that "i'll only have a few beers tonight" then get totally rat arsed. I can control my drink now.
Just takes practise, cutting down on booze is like giving up smoking, tell her to keep trying.

At least being female her mates will probably help her out, unlike mine, I had lampost fever if I could walk most of those times. So she'll probably be safer.
 
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LeftfieldTilt said:
sounds harsh but cut her off and tell her why - we had the same problem with a girl i used to know she used to get very drunk and then do stuff (**** people off, steal stuff from her friends, fake asthma attacks after smoking, pull the closest person standing next to her etc) to get attention (it was attention seeking cos we ignored her one weekend away and she went batty)

It all came to a head one night when she got batterd at my friends house, ran screaming up the road after throwing her bottle of voddy away, turned up at mine, threw up, stole my cd player, and then dissapeard. While all this was happening my friend went out looking for her in his car, he found her when she jumped out into of the middle of the road having seen the car and looking a lift home (my mate driving said she had no idea that it was someone she knew
she just bundled into the car and slurred about a lift home) rick took her home, her folks were SO impressed with thier daughter - we didnt care (yes it had got that bad)

she tried to apologise to all of us over the next week or so (she was told her apologies were not accepted and to get lost basically) I believe that was the shock that got her to seek professional help.

It all may seem harsh but it did work - she shaped up, stopped drinking and completed her degree (was near down the tubes) no crazyness since
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Well, she's not a criminal mate, lol! Anyway, we've had a big chat today and we'll see what the outcome is. Hopefully she'll learn to control herself, but cutting her off is not an option!! I've told her exactly what I think and how people worry about her. I felt really bad saying what I thought, but at the end of the day, it has to be said for her own good.

Just to clear a few things up, and I apologise for not quoting people and replying, I don't still 'fancy her' but we are good mates and I do care for her. As for 'she's not my problem', I understand what you meant but I can't walk away from her, so I make it my problem because it's not anyone elses if you can understand that!

She's definatley not on drugs, I still live with her temporarily, and I would definately know if she was up to druggie stuff.

@Efour, yes a good kicking would sort her out,lol ;)

I'd like to say thanks for the advice and links posted here from the others. It really helped me and since I let her read the thread, it made her realise some stuff too, which was my intention from the start.

Cheers everyone,

Paul

EDIT: Can I ask a MOD to please close this thread now as it's served it's purpose! And can no on else reply, thanks a lot folks!
 
Sorry to go against your wishes for no more replies but I fear you will end up completely miserable through this. Unfortunately the only way to solve anything is to cut her off. This might mean staying away from her 100% of the time she is drinking, or if her drinking gets worse and starts happening during the day then cut her off completely. Don't make her stay sober for you - she has to do it for herself to be successful.
 
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