Am I being un-reasonable?

Shikkaka · 8 Jun 2007 at 14:10

Samtheman1k said:
TBH, I don't think you have any say whatsoever in what goes on in HER flat, regardless of whether you are bunking there or not. Pay some rent and then you can have a say.

Same

I havn't told her they are not to come round have I?

Just expressed I don't like it so will move myself out.

Samtheman1k · 8 Jun 2007 at 14:13

Steameh said:
I havn't told her they are not to come round have I?

Yes you have, indirectly. You are blackmailing her by saying 'sort out this business (aka get rid of them), or I'm moving out'.

Nicos Rex · 8 Jun 2007 at 14:13

Unfortunately you are in a no-win situation.

Being right or "reasonable" has absolutely nothing to do with it. These family issues that your girlfriend has are clearly going to take their toll on her and right or wrong, she will expect you to be supportive.

OK there are proctical issues to be considered about who is allowed to be in the flat and the safety of your valuables but these pale into insignificance compared to your girlfriend's emotional needs in this scenario. This is quite possibly the first real test that your relationship has had to face, and despite your perfecly logical and "reasonable" concerns it is a test that you are looking like failing.

Shikkaka · 8 Jun 2007 at 14:14

Killerkebab said:
You are being reasonable to an extent - but she does have a major point: you are leaving her alone to deal with this.

Instead of moving out, can't you leave your valuables at 'home' (where you planned to move out to), and simply be with your girlfriend? Your presence is all the support she needs or wants in my opinion

Hmm that's a very good point thankyou.

My main concern is my valuables really. I have a 360 in the front room. You know full well if it doesn't go missing, it is going to get abused. The flat will get abused full stop.

Bar · 8 Jun 2007 at 14:15

From your girlfriends perspective she has been put into an impossible position and as a result she has had to take on board her two sisters and play parent to them. Think how stressful this must be.

Her boyfriend has now decided to move out and remove all his possesions during this difficult and stressful time.

Ask yourself whether you have helped or hindered your girlfriend?

Not to the OP directly but my God no wonder so many relationships breakdown these days as no one is willing to sacrifice things for their partner.

Shikkaka · 8 Jun 2007 at 14:16

Bar said:
From your girlfriends perspective she has been put into an impossible position and as a result she has had to take on board her two sisters and play parent to them. Think how stressful this must be.

Her boyfriend has now decided to move out and remove all his possesions during this difficult and stressful time.

Ask yourself whether you have helped or hindered your girlfriend?

Not to the OP directly but my God no wonder so many relationships breakdown these days as no one is willing to sacrifice things for their partner.

I'll happily sacrifice things to my partner. I will not however sacrifice my 360 to some chavs to sell for £50.

Shikkaka · 8 Jun 2007 at 14:18

Samtheman1k said:
Yes you have, indirectly. You are blackmailing her by saying 'sort out this business (aka get rid of them), or I'm moving out'.

No no no,

you've got it all wrong. Maybe by the way I typed it.

I havn't black mailed her in anyway. I have raised my concerns whilst understanding she has no choice.

calnen · 8 Jun 2007 at 14:18

You said at the start that its her flat, so really she can do whatever she likes - of course she can invite her sister over!
TBH I think you're being really unsupportive. Surely the least you can do is give it a try and see if it works out? If you move out as soon as something like this comes up, I'd be surprised if she'd let you move back in any time soon.

Bar · 8 Jun 2007 at 14:18

Well then apply some common sense and just move the things to where they will be safe.

Nicos Rex · 8 Jun 2007 at 14:18

Steameh said:
Hmm that's a very good point thankyou.

My main concern is my valuables really. I have a 360 in the front room. You know full well if it doesn't go missing, it is going to get abused. The flat will get abused full stop.

Even if it is not the case, you are giving your girlfriend the message that your games console is more important to you than she is.

Sort your priorities out and give clear messages of support or you will soon be single.

Shikkaka · 8 Jun 2007 at 14:19

calnen said:
You said at the start that its her flat, so really she can do whatever she likes - of course she can invite her sister over!
TBH I think you're being really unsupportive. Surely the least you can do is give it a try and see if it works out? If you move out as soon as something like this comes up, I'd be surprised if she'd let you move back in any time soon.

Her sisters come over all the time, whilst we are in the flat. That isn't the problem really.

Leaving the sister alone during the day is the problem as myself and my gf know what she gets up2.

Hedge · 8 Jun 2007 at 14:21

Setup some webcams and we will babysit for you while ya out!

Samtheman1k · 8 Jun 2007 at 14:22

Steameh said:
I havn't black mailed her in anyway. I have raised my concerns whilst understanding she has no choice.

Thus I have said I will probably get my stuff and move back home till it blows over.

That is effectively blackmail as she probably feels partly responsible for the situation and thus she'll see it as you are moving out because of her actions (i.e. letting them stay). By saying that you are going to move out until it blows over (i.e. they move out), you are blackmailing her to get it sorted with the threat of you moving out rather than standing by her.

calnen · 8 Jun 2007 at 14:24

Steameh said:
Her sisters come over all the time, whilst we are in the flat. That isn't the problem really.

Leaving the sister alone during the day is the problem as myself and my gf know what she gets up2.

So show some trust and give her a try, and if things go wrong then have a rethink.

If you've moving in with your girlfriend, I'd have thought you should show some respect and trust to her family. The tone of your opening post shows you really aren't keen on them - thats fine, but I still think you should give them a chance as it obviously matters to your O/H.

If you're really worried about your gadgets, then hide some things away in a wardrobe or something. A better idea would just be to get some insurance, so if anything gets broken or taken by their 'friends' you can at least get it replaced. Still, I think your best bet is to have the girl over and just talk to them properly.

Edit - another thought. This girl's 12. Shouldn't she be in school most of the day anyway? I'd have thought you could organise it so you drop her off in school a bit early, or with a friend of hers when you go to work, and then fix it so you get home at the same time.

Shikkaka · 8 Jun 2007 at 14:30

All points taken on board guys!

Think in the heat of the moment you jump to a decision immediately, which of course in this case was i'm not happy.

We are going to have a chat about it later and come to an agreement. Really don't wanna move out at all, just worried about my own and my gfs possesions.

Thanks

wordy · 8 Jun 2007 at 14:35

Make sure you're there for your girlfriend and give her all the support she needs.

Make sure you unsecured valuables aren't there for the chav scum to damage/steal.

Shikkaka · 8 Jun 2007 at 14:36

calnen said:
Edit - another thought. This girl's 12. Shouldn't she be in school most of the day anyway? I'd have thought you could organise it so you drop her off in school a bit early, or with a friend of hers when you go to work, and then fix it so you get home at the same time.

Neither of them have really gone to school. They go for the odd day but most of the time just doss around with their mates.

I suggested this to my girlfriend earlier but apparently she isn't welcome back at school till her mum goes in for a meeting about her.

Glaucus · 8 Jun 2007 at 14:46

perhaps, the two of you could go to school and explain what's happening, they will have people to help and guide you. In getting her back to school.

Helium_Junkie · 8 Jun 2007 at 14:49

Thats a nasty position to be with, and I would move anything of value out - I'd still try to spend as much time as possible with the gf though and try to be supportive, just understand that she is under more stress than you, its her family and her place and she doesnt have the option to run away from it like you do.

calnen · 8 Jun 2007 at 14:50

AcidHell2 said:
perhaps, the two of you could go to school and explain what's happening, they will have people to help and guide you. In getting her back to school.

I'd second that. I'm sure they'll try and help out if they can, they've got to realise that having her doss about at home all the time isnt going to help at all.