Am I being unreasonable?

david.n.c said:
Knock it on the head champ, I've tried what you're probably about embark on. I was totally drained after 3 months of devoting my life to fighting for/ trying to save what was a terminal relationship.

Walk away now, before things get bloody and you risk losing diginity/repect.

You sound like me mate, and usually we come off worse. No relationship is worth fighting for if she's not willing to fight for the relationship too. It sounds like she has already tossed the towel in.
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actually when I made it clear to her this moring that I dont believe in "taking a break" and it usually ends in a real thing so we might as well get it done and over with now, she asked me to give it a try because she doesnt us to break up.

Tombstone said:
Hmm..well as harsh as it sounds, and I hate to say it, but I think its probably doomed. Lets face it, if you do have trust issues, and the trust, or lack thereof, is causing problems when she is nearby imagine what kinds of problems the trust will cause when she is thousands of miles away in another country. God only knows what kinds of thoughts will be going through your head :)
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we have been together for almost 5 years, I have always trusted her and I believe she has never cheated on me.
 
ken1307 said:
we have been together for almost 5 years, I have always trusted her and I believe she has never cheated on me.
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Well if you have always trusted her, I cant see why her having had a crush on someone bothers you?

I would be inclined to actually have a proper break for a bit, a fortnight or a month, and see how you both feel towards each other after that time has run out.
 
semi-pro waster said:
What difference would knowing the guys name make if you aren't going to do anything? It seems like it would only be something to torment yourself with further or you would do something with the information.

Also what would you like her to do about the crush? You would be happy with it if you are together but somehow think that she should be able not to have the same feelings while you are on a break? Being realistic while you are on a break you don't have that much in the way of 'rights' to dictate or even suggest how you want her to behave.
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Afraid I have to agree with what semi-pro has said. 'Breaks' forfeit all normal rights you may have had when together and this is one of the many reasons why they are a terrible idea.

Someone earlier said that you're either with someone or you're not and I firmly believe that. Being with someone shouldn't just be limited to being close to them or living with them or whatever; I'm with my wife whether she's in our flat or if she's in France with work. I'm not sure that makes sense but hopefully it does :)

My unasked for advice ( ;) ) would be for you both to really understand what you think the break will achieve. If there were underlying problems then they'll still most likely be there whenever the break ends.

Lastly, the fact that you're asking if we think you're being unreasonable indicates that you already know your own mind on this one and you're almost challenging us to disagree. My take on what you've said is that no, you're not being unreasonable and that yes, unfortunately, it might be time to think about how your future might look without her.

Best of luck with whatever you decide :)
 
Tombstone said:
Well if you have always trusted her, I cant see why her having had a crush on someone bothers you?
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Umm, Im only bothered because it happen right after we took a break and she refused to stop talking to that friend for now. Normally I wouldnt care because I know crush happen to everyone :)

Tombstone said:
I would be inclined to actually have a proper break for a bit, a fortnight or a month, and see how you both feel towards each other after that time has run out.
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hmmm... I will think about it :)

@[FnG]magnolia: couldnt agree more with you and thanks for the advice (this is for everyone in this thread as well). Btw, I dont think this will run for hundreds of pages :p
 
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ken1307 said:
sorry for another relationship thread but I just want to ask if I am being unreasonble :(

well, basically me and my gf of 5 years are current on a break. I felt there is somethign different about us the minute Im back (from holiday) but couldnt quite figure out what it was then 1 day later we had a fight and she wanted to have a break (so that she can figure things out). Anyway, its been a week since and we had a little chat this moring and turned out while we were on a break, she had a crush on one of her friends :eek: :(. I dont normally give a crap about crush because I know its nothing but IMO, its definately not OK when you are on a break So I asked her to stop seeing that guy for now but she went ballistix and started saying how I control her and stuffs, how important her friendships (in general, not just with this guy) and basically refused to do so.

now, what do you guys think is a reasonable reactions if you were me? also, is there anything wrong with asking that guy name? not like I would do anything to him but I just want to know :rolleyes:
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Dump her and pump her best mate.
 
breaks don't work. Either you are with someone or you aren't..
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Breaks do work, it's like when you play an instrument, if you get frustrated, go away, take a break for a couple of days. You come back with a clear head.

You get that time apart to decide whether you want to move on or stay.
 
gotta be honest my girfriend asked for a break once for a week so i shagged her best mate in that week. not like we was together

good luck with your break
 
Sounds like at least one of you has the mental age of 12, more than likely her but seeing as we are only getting your side of the events I cannot vouch for sure.

You have been together five years? Have they been a continuous five years or have you had other breaks? Has she shown similar behavior in the past?

I am not sure what you can do as asking her not to see this guy went down like a sack of bricks, but I am with AcidHell2 on this in the fact that breaks don't work. After all if you have been together for five years things should work better than they are doing.

I have noticed a trend on OCUK that relationship threads seem to be stated by young people...
 
LordSplodge said:
Sounds like at least one of you has the mental age of 12, more than likely her but seeing as we are only getting your side of the events I cannot vouch for sure.

You have been together five years? Have they been a continuous five years or have you had other breaks? Has she shown similar behavior in the past?

I am not sure what you can do as asking her not to see this guy went down like a sack of bricks, but I am with AcidHell2 on this in the fact that breaks don't work. After all if you have been together for five years things should work better than they are doing.

I have noticed a trend on OCUK that relationship threads seem to be stated by young people...
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we have been together for the last 5 years without any breaks and this is the first time it happens. Im 25 now so not exactly young (I think :p) and she is 23

@Cupra: I hope your gf doesnt browse the forums :p
 
ken1307 said:
we have been together for the last 5 years without any breaks and this is the first time it happens. Im 25 now so not exactly young (I think :p) and she is 23
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OK that's interesting then. Any changes in your relationship to bring this on? You or her acting odd or taking each other for granted or something? Must be a cause of this change in behavior.

Oh and you are bother young whippersnappers. Come back when you are both over 30 and / or have hairs growing our your ears. ;) :p
 
LordSplodge said:
OK that's interesting then. Any changes in your relationship to bring this on? You or her acting odd or taking each other for granted or something? Must be a cause of this change in behavior.

Oh and you are bother young whippersnappers. Come back when you are both over 30 and / or have hairs growing our your ears. ;) :p
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well, I dont think there is any changes in your relationship tbh. Howere, we are both about to finish our study here in the UK and looking for jobs atm. I guess this is time to sit down and take some serious thinkings about our future but taking a break was not on my to-do list :o I was away for 3 weeks prior to our break though
 
ken1307 said:
well, I dont think there is any changes in your relationship tbh. Howere, we are both about to finish our study here in the UK and looking for jobs atm. I guess this is time to sit down and take some serious thinkings about our future but taking a break was not on my to-do list :o I was away for 3 weeks prior to our break though
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Something has changed though, stuff like this doesn't just happen!

pitchfork said:
:D super alpha.
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I had a break from a woman once and slept with her entire family during the break. Welcome to the Internet! :cool::p
 
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