An awesomely exciting relationship thread

[FNGsam]

hello everyone,

just after a little bit of advice on what to do now after stuffing up.

Basically I quit my job to go travelling through Europe and mum was meant to send me some money for when I got back as I had a few set backs and didn't want that to stop me going on my trip. Then I came back a week early and mum still hadn't transferred me the money and end result my girlfriend had to cover rent for me.. She is obviously not happy about this. Mum has finally got sorted and the money should arrive in a few days (better late than never right) then I went to Oktoberfest this weekend just passed and this sort of clinched it for the missus and we had quite the row when I got back today as she has had to wait on booking a new years eve trip since she wasn't able to afford it because of me and all the while I was in munich with the boys..

I know its all on me and I'm an idiot etc etc but if mum had just transferred me the money when she was supposed to then this would all be fine

Now I'm feeling all sad about myself and wanted to get it off my chest. So OCUK is there anything you guys can offer to potentially save my relationship!

 

[FNGsam]

when would i ever speak to mum if not to ask for things

 

[FNGsam]

i know its my fault. I'm 24 and only have the 2 years here to get as much done as I can so no point having a savings account or what not and don't want to miss anything. Also did spend a lot less at oktoberfest than I would have but still more than nothing I guess.

 

[FNGsam]

you could afford octoberfest, but couldn't afford rent? yet taking money off mum

oktoberfest was booked and paid for earlier and I had to fork out £1000 just before my trip so mum offered to spot me that rather than shorten/ruin my trip

 

[FNGsam]

Sounds like a real first world problem, bro.

it is thats why I posted it on here hahah

 

[FNGsam]

Apologise, accept that your bad decision will put you in the dog house for a while and then make it up to her, take her away for a dirty weekend

yeh thats what I was kinda planning on doing, but it just sucks for the moment and normally I'd complain to her but in this instance I can't obviously

 

[FNGsam]

Feel a bit cheated by the thread title tbh.

Sounds like you've had a riot of a time and thanks to the women in your life. Don't see you've got anything to moan about. Man up buddy, she could have dumped your ass.

Yeh it was a good trip, she hasn.t dumped me yet but it wasn't a nice convo this afternoon. Oh and no thanks to mum... Yet heheh

 

[FNGsam]

grow up

how so? Granted posting on here isn't exactly doing me any favours but I didn't post it looking for help really just wanted to get it off my chest.

 

[FNGsam]

He posted knowing full well he would sound like an entitled manchild and he got exactly what he expected. I really don't see the issue here. I don't think anyone is saying he shouldn't see the world or do interesting things and go to interesting places - I mean, they're not, read the thread. What they are saying is that he is doing this whilst relying on (and then blaming) his mum and GF who clearly have considerations of their own.

He is acting selfishly and enjoying himself at others expense.

Bolded the bit that is basically how I felt yesterday, I did get caught up in enjoying my trip and now that I'm back I am trying to take responsibility for what I've done and said.

I'm not trying to blame, I'm incredibly grateful my mum offered to spot me the money so I could still go on my trip that I have been planning since the start of the year after having my passport stolen a few weeks before the trip and having to pay £850 to get it fast tracked back to me. If she hadn't of offered then I would have had to drastically reduce the length of my trip and mum knew this and knew that I only have a 2 year visa so any time I lose I don't get back basically. I should have pestered mum a bit earlier obviously but it was tough while away to get a hold of mum.

Its all beside the point now. I had a good chat with the missus later last night, she still isn't happy but we talked about what I am going to do going forward to make sure this doesn't happen again etc etc.

Also got a lovely email this morning from my mum letting me know that my cousins baby girl was delivered healthily this morning (afternoon back home), so I'm right up their near cloud nine at the moment.

Oh and at Grenboi I am living in the UK on a 2 year working holiday visa so once that is up I'll have head back to Aus.

 

[FNGsam]

The "better late than never" comment particularly annoys me.

Sorry, it wasn't said in malice, it was more meant as thinking the glass was half full as I'd hate to imagine where I'd be right now if I didn't have mums support in this.

 

[FNGsam]

I cant believe that your expecting sympathy.

Grow up, Mummy and Daddy are not there to bail you out financially all the time. Manage your own finances better and people will respect you for it.

I'm sorry if getting robbed somehow makes me worse at handling finances
Also I'm not expecting sympathy. I said I was an idiot and I feel bad about it, and I am resolving it. I just wanted to post to get it off my chest, plus I'd never had a real relationship thread before!

 

[FNGsam]

Being robbed was never mentioned unless I missed something. All I read was "Mum, GF, give me monies!"

Happy to be proven wrong however

eh I said I had setbacks in the OP, wasn't really the point of the thread so didn't feel the need to go into it. I got people being at me, so I felt I had to clarify.

 

[FNGsam]

That's pretty much what I read, but I think that's how he used to be, and is now feeling bad about it and wants to make it up to them?

Am I reading right this time?

Lol no, I was never as bad as mum, gf give me monies. I never asked, it was offered but I didn't pursue it enough and after turning my gf's offer down I then had to backtrack after that.

 

[FNGsam]

If you where financially secure getting your passport stolen would still not effect you that much as you would have money in "savings" to cover it.

My statement still stands regardless of circumstance. If you had no parents to bail you out you would have been screwed. Stop relying on your parents, grow some balls and sort yourself out.

No wonder your misses was ******, she appears to be dating a child as appose to a man.

I'm sorry, but I'd rather be making the most of my time here for the 2 years as opposed to always having some savings just in case. And how would I have been screwed without my parents? I would have had to shorten/cancel my trip and kept working after missing 1 of my only Europe summers.

I am just happy I have people in my life who make it possible for me to apparently not need to "grow some balls"

 

[FNGsam]

TBH i think the one thing you did wrong was not speak to the missus properly before you went to Oktoberfest fest.

Your mum was nice enough to help out with the cash after the unfortunate passport incident!
(im 24 and live on my own but i know if my mother could help out in times of needs like this she would be happy to)
But i think your GF is feeling like you took the money and ran off on holiday even if it was already booked and paid.
Best you can do is now you've apologised is start with making her feel less like a chump! Get with the romantic gestures, pay her whats owed and take her out.
If your relationship for some reason ends over such a small thing then i cant see it been worth it!
Your feeling a little guilt, its natural it will pass, communication with her is key.

Thank you for that.
Basically was what happened, I saw it as ooh Oktoberfest is already paid and booked and how often will I get the chance to do this, I have some euro's on my euro card and didn't think about it from her point of view where she would be skint for the week until she got paid and I felt bad have spoken to her about it and it is somewhat resolved now.

I also will get on the romantic gestures as soon as I can!

 

[FNGsam]

Send flowers to her work.

Honestly.

Yeh already been looking into that
I am a nice guy 99% of the time, I just got a little carried away this time around..

 

[FNGsam]

While you have been a bit of an idiot to rely on other people for your finances, I can see that it was unavoidable. That said, when you saw the money your mother said she'd lend (give?) you wasn't in your account, you should have spoken to your mum about it to see about getting the money asap. If that failed, your next port of call should have been to ask the landlord for an extension, before shouldering the responsibility onto your girlfriend (unless she offered.. and you made sure she was ok with it).

That said, all is done and you're left with an annoyed girlfriend which is never a good thing and from my experience, you're going to have to do something to make it up to her. See that she gets the new year thing booked and offer to help finance it (was going to say take a credit card with 0% interest for x months and pay it off sensibly but I'm not sure you've learnt enough lessons about money yet). If you're absolutely down in the dumps financially, at least pay her back quickly with your mums money and pull out the romancin'

I was using a travelex cash passport while overseas, which had my funds pre-loaded onto it, so I didn't really check my account as often as I obviously should have. I did ask mum about once a week or so. I live with my girlfriend and she did offer, but I initially said no because of mum but then obviously that didn't work out so I backtracked on that.

Yeh it is basically all sorted and like you said it is done now. I wouldn't get approved for the credit card anyways as I'm not a british citizen, so that is a no go anyways

 

[FNGsam]

Actually I would have declined it. I dont like borrowing money, I dont like taking hand outs. Its just the way I am.

If something happens thats "unfair" I deal with it. I dont expect hand outs from others.

Yes I will most likley rant and claim that the passport theft etc is "unfair" as most would (including the OP), but I would not expect others to bail me out.

I didn't expect it though?
It was offered the whole way through, I just didn't organise it quickly enough and didn't appreciate enough what my girlfriend has done for me at the time.

 

[FNGsam]

As the scale of The Stupid Thing A Man Has Done goes up then the tribute also increases in scale.

Not sure flowers is gonna cut it here. Maybe a Porsche.

e : And actually, thinking about this, you're one of the few women who post here and this is really terrible advice! He could talk to her, work things through or do something else which has actual meaning but flowers is the answer? Come on, life isn't a rom com where the nice bunch of flowers fixes that stupid mistake you made.

Ouch a porsche over a couple of hundred quid. Thats a bit much.

 

[FNGsam]

Appreciate her. Make it up to her.

PROPERLY. Not a day playing with Lego.

Hahahh she isn't 12, I'm pretty sure asking her to play lego with me would cause the end of our relationship

I will appreciate her and she is letting me try to, which is all I wanted after last night.