- Joined
- 29 Aug 2007
- Posts
- 28,719
- Location
- Auckland
Okay I'm sorry to disappoint but this won't be a particularly juicy confession.
I am a perfectly healthy 30 something heterosexual male with a pretty normal sex drive in a long term loving relationship with a 30 something healthy woman who identifies as demisexual with a low, almost asexual libido.
As you guys can likely imagine this causes a lot of frustration on my part as I'm frequently left without having my basic needs met, she just can't understand how I'm feeling as it just doesn't work the same way for her. Normally I'd be telling guys in my situation to bail on the relationship if they're really unhappy as things will only get worse over time but in my case I can't.
To make matters worse my partner was raped and sexually abused by her ex, innocent or normal things you would do with your partner such as hugging them from behind cause her to have flashbacks. I try my best to understand and be supportive but I've never had that happen to me so I can't relate.
On the rare occasion we do the rude stuff, it's functional and usually rushed. She just wants to get it over and done with as quickly as possible. I can always tell that she's doing it simply to try and make me happy and we've even argued about my not wanting to do it cause it's clear she's not really into it which then makes her really upset so we've sometimes ended up both doing it to please the other person when we really don't want to.
The upsetting thing is in every other aspect the relationship is perfect and I couldn't be happier I absolutely love her to death and understand that her being this way is absolutely not her fault, though it frustrates me that she doesn't make any effort despite knowing what's happened to her in the past.
It's left me wondering about what to do next, as she can't even talk about things anymore without getting upset and after years of trying to talk to her and help her through things I'm at a loss.
I'm now wondering if I should either get my rude needs met elsewhere or if I should just give up on the naughty altogether and stop putting any pressure on her to do something she really struggles with.
What do you guys think?
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I am a perfectly healthy 30 something heterosexual male with a pretty normal sex drive in a long term loving relationship with a 30 something healthy woman who identifies as demisexual with a low, almost asexual libido.
As you guys can likely imagine this causes a lot of frustration on my part as I'm frequently left without having my basic needs met, she just can't understand how I'm feeling as it just doesn't work the same way for her. Normally I'd be telling guys in my situation to bail on the relationship if they're really unhappy as things will only get worse over time but in my case I can't.
To make matters worse my partner was raped and sexually abused by her ex, innocent or normal things you would do with your partner such as hugging them from behind cause her to have flashbacks. I try my best to understand and be supportive but I've never had that happen to me so I can't relate.
On the rare occasion we do the rude stuff, it's functional and usually rushed. She just wants to get it over and done with as quickly as possible. I can always tell that she's doing it simply to try and make me happy and we've even argued about my not wanting to do it cause it's clear she's not really into it which then makes her really upset so we've sometimes ended up both doing it to please the other person when we really don't want to.
The upsetting thing is in every other aspect the relationship is perfect and I couldn't be happier I absolutely love her to death and understand that her being this way is absolutely not her fault, though it frustrates me that she doesn't make any effort despite knowing what's happened to her in the past.
It's left me wondering about what to do next, as she can't even talk about things anymore without getting upset and after years of trying to talk to her and help her through things I'm at a loss.
I'm now wondering if I should either get my rude needs met elsewhere or if I should just give up on the naughty altogether and stop putting any pressure on her to do something she really struggles with.
What do you guys think?
----
Sent using Guerrillamail.com
Block or report abuse: https://www.guerrillamail.com//abuse/?a=TEB6BgUJT7AXmg+9/mkNfRrAXpvG8s5Rz6tNMtz5Bg==