Another person’s misfortune…

TimTom

TimTom

TimTom

Associate
Joined
18 Mar 2016
Posts
176
I love ‘caught short’ stories, me! :D Cheer me up no end when times are tough.

Anyway, one of the electricians where I work was telling us recently about when he left a job, dying for a wee, and then found himself stuck in traffic with no receptacles in the van to assist in his predicament. He eventually decided that he wouldn’t make it back to the office and so when he managed to escape from the jam, he headed to his mum’s house to hopefully get there in time to use her toilet.

He arrived just about hanging on, ran up the path, but couldn’t get his key in the porch door. It transpired that his mum had got in from shopping, locked the porch door from the inside, but left her key in the lock so he couldn’t get his key in from the outside! Banging on the door and shouting out for her to open the door whilst dancing frantically, an Amazon delivery driver walked up the path behind him … just as he wet himself on the doorstep!!

He laughs about it now, but said he didn’t speak to his mum for days afterwards!

I can’t be the only one who finds such stories hilarious?!
 
It's funny when you're about 5. Why a tradie (or pretty much anyone) would drive to his mums for a slash I don't know, use a bush on the roadside?
 
I had one, was 15/16, for whatever reason I couldn't go home from school normally so had to walk to my grandparents after school and wait to be picked up by my mum.
When I was close to my nans I was bursting for a wee, but could hold it. Knocked on the front door, no answer, knocked on the back door, no answer. Decided I had to go so started peeing in her back garden, then she opens the door and calls to me (she must have been having a lie down or upstairs). I stopped myself mid flow, half apologised and half explaining that I was bursting, and then I couldn't hold it in anymore and peed myself on the step of her backdoor. She washed my trousers (no idea how she did it so fast) and my mum was none the wiser and as far as I know she never told anyone. Very grateful to my nan for that. In hindsight I would have just kept peeing in her garden.
 
Once had a HGV dropping stuff off where I worked, my boss who was a women in her 50s went out to speak to the driver, he burst out the cab pushed past her and started relieving himself against the nearby wall he was that desperate - she was absolutely horrified.
 
Rroff said:
Once had a HGV dropping stuff off where I worked, my boss who was a women in her 50s went out to speak to the driver, he burst out the cab pushed past her and started relieving himself against the nearby wall he was that desperate - she was absolutely horrified.
Click to expand...

well if you have to go you have to go.
 
Rroff said:
Once had a HGV dropping stuff off where I worked, my boss who was a women in her 50s went out to speak to the driver, he burst out the cab pushed past her and started relieving himself against the nearby wall he was that desperate - she was absolutely horrified.
Click to expand...

Love the thought of the woman being “horrified”! LOL
 
A guy I work with was walking to work one day when he suddenly needed a poo, he ended up going behind someones shed and used some leaves as toilet paper.
 
At Uni I went on a bus trip to Paris with friends. There were free tickets for a boat ride on the Seine included.

As we were walking towards this boat, I needed a wee a bit, but never found a public toilet. So I got on the boat thinking, it'll only be a 15 minute trip, I'll be fine.

90 minutes later, with no sign of stopping I was sweating and in pain I needed a piddle so much. Eventually I told the person sitting next to me - I'm going to have to get up and walk around the boat otherwise I'll just wet myself right here.

So I got up, walked around, and found the toilets...

The boat was quite small, and it hadn't even occurred to me it might have toilets, but they were tucked right in a tiny corner.

I swear that did me lasting bladder damage. I can't make it through a film without having to break for a pee these days.
 
We have a thin strip of trees to the side of our house. It's actually part of our property but doesn't look it. On a couple of occasions I've seen a driver nip behind a tree there after dropping our package off. I've never complained as I can imagine how difficult it can be.
 
Around 25 years ago I was working for the Coop, managing an electrical dept. One morning while walking from where I parked and down the main road and to the store, a distance of around 1/4 of a mile. I could hear a man in the distance making heavy panting and loud grunting sounds while half running up the road towards me. This went on for a couple of minutes and I was quite puzzled as to why. As we got nearer to each other, I could see he was clutching his stomach and kind of hobbling along and groaning. His face showed he was clearly in a lot of pain. He was carrying a bucket and window cleaning equipment which was splashing around. As he passed me, he announce to me that he was dying for a ****. I do hope he was able to find somewhere before it was too late.
 
bazzabear said:
At Uni I went on a bus trip to Paris with friends. There were free tickets for a boat ride on the Seine included.

As we were walking towards this boat, I needed a wee a bit, but never found a public toilet. So I got on the boat thinking, it'll only be a 15 minute trip, I'll be fine.

90 minutes later, with no sign of stopping I was sweating and in pain I needed a piddle so much. Eventually I told the person sitting next to me - I'm going to have to get up and walk around the boat otherwise I'll just wet myself right here.

So I got up, walked around, and found the toilets...

The boat was quite small, and it hadn't even occurred to me it might have toilets, but they were tucked right in a tiny corner.

I swear that did me lasting bladder damage. I can't make it through a film without having to break for a pee these days.
Click to expand...

Blimey! Just be thankful you found the toilet. Imagine if you’d stayed in your seat… and then spotted the toilet as you were getting off!!
 
something daft already!! said:
Around 25 years ago I was working for the Coop, managing an electrical dept. One morning while walking from where I parked and down the main road and to the store, a distance of around 1/4 of a mile. I could hear a man in the distance making heavy panting and loud grunting sounds while half running up the road towards me. This went on for a couple of minutes and I was quite puzzled as to why. As we got nearer to each other, I could see he was clutching his stomach and kind of hobbling along and groaning. His face showed he was clearly in a lot of pain. He was carrying a bucket and window cleaning equipment which was splashing around. As he passed me, he announce to me that he was dying for a ****. I do hope he was able to find somewhere before it was too late.
Click to expand...

…but he was carrying a bucket! Surely the solution was in his own hands - literally!!
 
bazzabear said:
At Uni I went on a bus trip to Paris with friends. There were free tickets for a boat ride on the Seine included.

As we were walking towards this boat, I needed a wee a bit, but never found a public toilet. So I got on the boat thinking, it'll only be a 15 minute trip, I'll be fine.

90 minutes later, with no sign of stopping I was sweating and in pain I needed a piddle so much. Eventually I told the person sitting next to me - I'm going to have to get up and walk around the boat otherwise I'll just wet myself right here.

So I got up, walked around, and found the toilets...

The boat was quite small, and it hadn't even occurred to me it might have toilets, but they were tucked right in a tiny corner.

I swear that did me lasting bladder damage. I can't make it through a film without having to break for a pee these days.
Click to expand...

Haha, its when you struggle to walk that you know you've held it in too long.
 
One of my 'favourite' tales, and one of yours judging be the feedback at the time: (now 15 years ago)

FBi7 said:
About 12 years ago, I was enjoying a nice relaxing bath. The Mrs came into the bathroom to chat.

Anyway, after a short while, it was time to get out. I started to drain the bath, stood up and began drying myself. Mrs still in the bathroom at this point.

As I was drying myself, I felt the urge to fart. I stupidly thought, 'this is going to sound epic with wet bum cheeks' so beared down quite hard.

Fart sounded more wet than epic. Look of horror on the Mrs' face. I look down. Brown stuff trickling down my leg.

Mortified. Back in the shower to re-cleanse. I wasn't unwell before or after that incident so I have no idea why it happened.
Click to expand...

Another occasion: went to an Indian restaurant in Wendover, Bucks. I was about 20 at the time. A mate bet me £20 I couldn't finish a vindaloo. Always up for collecting some winnings, I dutifully devoured said Vindaloo. £20 collected. Went to a nearby pub for a pint afterwards. My guts were giving me serious grief. Decided to walk the 2 miles home after that. Got 1/2 a mile up he road. Sharted. Into the woods to finish off, boxers ruined and chucked into the undergrowth.

Guess I have a bit of a pattern forming :cry:
 
Last edited:
The closest I’ve ever come to wetting myself was on the way to a football match at Fulham. I was on the district line tube with some mates and I was absolutely dying for a slash but I kept convincing myself that I could last out until we got off, despite the pressure building to an intolerable level as the previously consumed beers went straight through me. We were only a couple of stops away when I had the most intense need to just let go, and I actually thought I was going to do it in my pants.

I don’t know to this day how I managed to hold on until we pulled in at the next stop, which was Parsons Green, and I just stumbled off the train, saw a station official and pleaded with him to let me use a toilet whilst hopping from foot to foot like a five-year-old. He kindly let me in to the little office and showed me the toilet. I don’t think I have ever peed so furiously or experienced relief like I did at that moment.

When I look back now, there is no doubt that if I had to relive that moment again, I’d have just wet myself, I know I would.
 
Working late one night near Christmas and was last to leave the office so it was in full darkness and only my car was in the car park at the back.

As I came out of the back door I found 3 young "ladies" relieving themselves whilst squatting up against our building, knickers around their knees.

I was certainly more embarrassed than them judging by the screams of drunken laughter, they thought it was hilarious.
 
I once went down the M6 towards the M40 and needed a wee at Hilton Park services. I wasn't too familiar with the route so thought ah I'll just drive on anyway it'll be fine. Roll on getting stuck in traffic on the M6 and M42 before I got to the M40. Didn't realise Warwick services is a good 40+ miles away from Hilton Park so just kept going thinking I'd find a services. I was screaming in the car and holding on for dear life, no idea how I kept it in til I got to the urinal where I stood for a solid 3 to 4 minutes letting the flood gates open. If I don't take the toll I always stop at HP now.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom