Another Problem ( relationship wise )

MeatLoaf

MeatLoaf

MeatLoaf

Soldato
Joined
1 Dec 2005
Posts
14,505
Location
Stoke on Trent
Well first off id like to say a great thank you to all the great advice and help you guys gave me a week or two back when my wife left me.

But now ive got a new problem to ponder on...

Basically i met a lady last year through taking my daughter to school, she takes her daughter to the same nursery class.

Well after kerry left she this lady expressed an interest to me.

Im really chufferd, apparently shes been interested for a while but she has never said anything because i was already involved.

This girl is amazing and shes had a really bad time in relationships, much like i have.

Shes got 3 nice kids and she seems really into me nut somethings holding her back, and its a BIG something.

She still lives with the father of her kids and hes a real nasty piece of work and he mistrats her. There not married and im fairly sure theres no relationship happening there.

Ive basically told her that i do really like her and im offering her a way out of the misery shes in at the moment.

But she seems like shes holding back, i can understand she is scared but i dont want to wait around for ever if she is never going to be able to commkit to me. Shes txts me all the time, but she dosent really visit me in case one of her kids dads mates see us together, shes really scared of him.

What advice do you have?
 
Yeah i think so :)

I think my marriage actually ended a long time ago, i really havent cried once about kerry leaving since she came for her stuff and i dont think ive loved her properly for a while.

The only time i feel a bit weepy is whn i thibk of the kids.
 
If you are offering her a way out or worse still for her to move in with you then the only thing you'll succeed in doing is scaring her away. It's far too soon.
 
Tell her how you feel, relationship wise...about waiting. Otherwise wait for someone older and wiser than me to come along and give you better advice :D
 
BrenOS said:
If you are offering her a way out or worse still for her to move in with you then the only thing you'll succeed in doing is scaring her away. It's far too soon.
Click to expand...

Yeah you are very proboably right about that. She want to get to know me better but im afraid thjat she may lose interest.

Shes admitted she likes me and its not very often that happens so i want to grab onto her with both hands and not let go. Does that sound daft?
 
MeatLoaf said:
Does that sound daft?
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I can see where you're coming from, but one thing for certain is that it would be a daft thing to do.

She likes you, she chased you a little when you were involved. If she sees that now you're not involved and you're screaming out to be with her, that reeks of insecurity and she'll be away like a whippet. You need to take time, find your feet.
 
It looks to me like you're both in desperate situations and both taking desperate measures.

It could be great, but the needle is stuck on wrong at the moment. Are you sure you won't just be using eachother to get over both your pains? That's all well and good, but tell her you're there as a friend until she's commited to leaving him and actually does it :).

Phil.
 
[/QUOTE]She likes you, she chased you a little when you were involved. If she sees that now you're not involved and you're screaming out to be with her, that reeks of insecurity and she'll be away like a whippet. You need to take time, find your feet. [/QUOTE]

I totally agree, the last thing you want to do is act desperate, its most unsightly ;)
Also, you say 'im fairly sure theres no relationship happening there' how sure?... as he still lives at the same address... is she telling you the full story? dont mean to be negative , but are you sure you want to go into a relationship with baggage like that?
 
You would almost certainly just be "using" her as a replacement for your wife. It's not really fair on her and I reckon you should wait a while first to see if you really do have feelings for her. Maybe have a word with her about it, just say you are interested but don't want to be in a relationship so soon after. I'm sure she will understand and you don't need to completely seperate yourself from her, you can still keep in touch with her a bit :) .
 
Can only echo what those up there ^^^^ have said.

Best bet is to just take it slowly. Understandably you must feel a little lost without the wife anymore and now you're looking for a quick replacement. You probably dont know her that well, and vice versa, and it could turn out that you dont like her.

I see where you're coming from with the whole wanting to hold on thing, but like others said, it just screams insecurity and desperity, which will only send her running in the opposite direction.
 
Can't really add much more than has already been put. Don't rush into anything for both your sakes, by all means persue tis avenue, but don't put too much into it. As it stands you have found someone that must find you physically attractive, so unless you are a git or you scare her off, then you will be fine.

Take her out, just get to know her, as it seems that you are just like OMG someone likes me, must grab it, witout thinking it through. Get to know the woman and see what happens from there, let what happens happen, don't try to force the issue.

If the father of her kids is a problem go keyboard warrior to the max and beat him to death with a keyboard :D
 
I'll echo the comments already made as well, It's just far far far to soon. You need to sort your head out from your wife leaving before even contemplating another relationship. You need to know where you stand money wise, debt wise etc

If you do like her as well, and it's not a case of you being on the rebound and just wanting someone to be with then talk to her, get to know her better but don't let it manifest itself into anything to serious to quickly. You most defiantly need some time to think things over, everyone will get over bad relationships in different ways and at different speeds but no one can seriously be in the situation for another relationship of any kind so quickly after a major upset.

How did the karaoke go btw?
 
Think about this from your child's perspective.

How is she going to feel seeing her daddy with another woman after such a brief amount of time.
You may say that your relationshipo finished a long time ago, but to your child it only ended when her mum moved out.

If you are planning to see your child again, dating another woman now could make that awkward for your child.

Not to mention your ex getting even more awkward.

So please mate - put your life on hold for a few weeks and think about your daughter ;)
 
Aye, i'll agree with what the other people on here are saying - you're moving a little too fast. It sounds like she is definately interested though, just remember mate that, you're still technically on the 'rebound'.
 
Assuming that you and your wife are going to divorce will you being involved so quickly with another woman harm your settlement?
 
What everyone else has said basically, you've already stated that she's been interested in you for a while, so if this is true you aready have her attention so have no need to rush things or be pushy. This can be difficult if you're feeling a little bit insecure but bear with it m8
 
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