Another relationship post

Mp4

Mp4

Soldato
Joined
21 Apr 2006
Posts
8,460
Location
Eastbourne
Yes another relationship thread, (grammar and punctuation will be pants – rush typing)

My fiancée (H) and I have been together for almost 6 years in Jan 2012.

Around 2yr ago I suffered with depression which almost lead to me breaking up with her as I felt I needed to explore other women and have a life etc. H was a friends ex gf, and we just fell for each other and that was almost 6yrs ago.

I moved from my parents house (i say parents but my father works in Wales so is never there) to her parents house around 4 months ago as I practically lived at her parents anyway for over a year (a year n half ago) to recover from knee operation.

In september 2010 I started going to college to learn about Photography, which has become my new passion and slowly progressing it to become my job. I would like to venture out and meet new girl/guys (not gay) and shoot models mainly lingre, fashion etc . But H gets very jelious and hates me looking at other women as it is which is understandable and ofc models want to get paid in some cases to. So i've backed off from looking in to this.


Her parents have been great and welcoming , her father is a quiet bloke but will talk and offer support etc. Her mother has gone through TB to her lungs around 3yrs ago and have to have one removed so is poorly still to this day BUT, she is extremely irritating and nosey. & they(she) questions my spending. (I bought a pare of HS1 headphones this week as I have been using ipod earphones which kill after a few hours gaming) And they said to H that they don't like my spending and they feel I wouldn’t be able to support her after the marriage etc, yet they fail to tell me face to face. I personally feel its nothing to do with them what I spend my money on. Im doing it now while I can etc.


We are in the process of planning a wedding (paid few deposits etc) I don't know if its pre jitters but ive had feeling the last few weeks of when I was depressed and my brains confused to hell.


H is very clingy and controlling sometimes
She has no interests or hobbies
Doesn't have many friends
We have odd hours so hardly see each other (24hrs in the week)


She is domesticated , loving, caring , faithful , A good cook.


>> Will update on the go
 
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"H is very clingy and controlling sometimes
She has no interests or hobbies
Doesn't have many friends "

If these were concerns I had before I got married I dont think I'd be getting married...
 
My ex girlfriend was similar. Overly jealous, obsessive, nosey, annoying, no friends/hobbies. I got rid. Still miss her sometimes, but I couldn't stay with her any longer.
 
Does it sound like you should be getting married given your own description of the O/H?

- Not to me, no.

Some men put up with it for an easy life, some men have a spine and do the right thing/chase the woman of their dreams.
 
Don't get me wrong she has been great to me since the moment I met her. She is domesticated , loving, caring , faithful , A good cook.

Her & her parents hate me spending time on the computer/xbox. But i've always enjoyed playing games, forums etc. and its my get away as i don't drink, gamble , smoke etc.

My father came down un-expected from wales this week (which was meant to be our week off together to do things as a couple) But that fail, We booked to see Lee evans on the 5th so went and saw that which was nice n that. Tuesday it rain most of the day so made cake/ cupcakes n watched dvd's. Wednesday my dad rang out of the blue and said im home. Instantly she said "oh that's it our week is going to be with him now and we are not going to do anything" Which in a way is true.

We have spent the last 3 days with my father as i hardly see him (every 5-6 months for a week a time)

Today we are going to meet her ante as she makes wedding cakes for a living so all fantastic.. again its with her parents.


I have wedding insurance.

& i know i should talk to her and either say.

Wedding is off n that i want to move back out to my fathers house.

or break up all together, but then ill feel totally gutted and think id get more confused. i'm 30 now :/ feel too old
 
You should probably have a talk with her, as these are issues that if left unresolved and you get married, they'll swell beneath the surface.
 
She is domesticated , loving, caring , faithful , A good cook.

All well and good. The question is do you want someone to love or a companion. Sounds to me like you’re missing something in your relationship. You need to sit done and have a long talk before jumping into this.
 
Sounds more like the stress of her parents interfering is making you look at the whole relationship in a bad light. My advice is to sit her down and calmly explain that you are unhappy with it and i would suggest you try to find somewhere else to live or it will only get worse.
 
I have had depression too. Sometimes get me confused about what I want. Was recently in a relationship that I became unhappy about, couldn't discuss with my partner properly (too immature/selfish) with the issues so just got used to being unhappy thinking it was normal. It wasn't until I spoke to someone I realised.

It always left me very confused with the depression and anxiety I get, used to blame myself because she'd blame my depression which did not help and should not happen. What did help was this http://www.moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome. No idea if you have the same problems but it helps with all sort of thinking. I can see though you are the "All or nothing" type :P

Now I'm back to myself there's three things that have to be there in order for me to for fill my belief of having a happy and prosperous relationship:

1. Do I REALLY REALLY love her
2. Is she my best friend as well as my lover
3. Do I have fun with her

I think everything else, such as family, hobby's (or lack of them) can be worked on.

Don't give up if she meets the criteria!!
 
"H is very clingy and controlling sometimes
She has no interests or hobbies
Doesn't have many friends "

If these were concerns I had before I got married I dont think I'd be getting married...

That only part i'd be concerned with is the controlling part, in fact any relationship with a controlling woman wouldn't get very with me at all
 
I'm not going to advise on staying or leaving as that is your choice OP. However if she is actively getting in the way of your passion and your future then you are going to have issues. Those issues must be resolved if you are to stay together.

A friend of mine runs a photography company. He gets to photograph women models in various states of undress. Does his wife mind? Not one bit because she loves him and trusts him and helps run the business.

I'd hang fire of the wedding, get your own place and see if you can work through your issues. Stay or go is something only you can decide though.
 
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