Another Relationship Thread

[Matt-Page]

Some of you may remember my post a few weeks ago http://forums.overclockers.co.uk/showthread.php?t=17620046&page=2&pp=30

Well here is a bit of an update:

I was asked by my ex to move out because i was stressing her out and making her ill. I did this two Sundays ago. On the next saturday i was round doing her a favour on the house because her brother had attempted to do something and messed it up.
Whilst i was there i was looking for some documents, of which i cam accross a peice of paper with the name of her ex boyfriend on it. Odd i thought, so i ead it a bit, it was from her mate in the US who wrote "I don;t blame you for meeting up with him" This made my heart sink, as i know she would have done this when we were still together.

The next day i went back to get some more things, but when i walked through my front door, i saw a random bloke, sat in my house with my girlfriend. Normally i would have kicked seven bails of **** out of this bloke, but i didn#t i said hi and went upstairs. I was shaking and upset and didn't know what to do. I left shortly after still in a state of shock

I questioned her about both of the things, she said she met up with her ex to tell him to leave her alone, because he was writting to her.

I questioned who he was and what happened with this bloke, as i thought i had a right to know. She said nothing happened, i alled her bluff and she admitted she was up to no good in my house, a kiss as far as i know but it could have been more. I had only been gone 6 days!!

I met up with her the next evening for a meal, i told her i still loved her, missed her dearly and wanted to see if we could try again slowly, just doing things together once a week and see what happens, she said she didn't want to, which made me feel even worse. Being the idiot i am i also bought her gift, which i did on a frequent occassion. I don't know why i did it this time either. Also when i moved out i took my PC with me, which she said she needed to use, so i got a laptop (borrowed) and put everything on it she needed and setup the internet.

I know i still want her back and it is driving me nutts. I don't kno0w if i could go back with her now after this has happened, but i still miss her. I don't feel like eating and i can't sleep. I am lucky that i have got a lot of good mates who have taken me out and got me wrecked. The last two nights were great while they and the alcahol lasted.

Am i waisting my time in trying to get her back? Is what i am feeling normal...? I don't know how much more i can go on feeling like this. It's warping me.

I apreciate any comments. Sorry for rambeling, but it feels good to type out what has happened and how i am feeling.

 

[basmic]

Let her go, cut away any attachments you have with her (such as that laptop), and start with a fresh mind.

Trying to make a relationship work, where one side doesn't want to try, will only end in tears.

 

[dalepearson]

Its always tough when a relationship ends, especially when you didnt do the finishing.
Personally I think its probably best for you to move on, dont rush into anything, but just get everything ownership sorted between yourselves.

She obviously knows you still want her, and might abuse this, getting computer of you, help around the house etc, but still doing what she wants from a relationship perspective.

Make a clean break and move on.

Easy for an outside, you got to do what you think is right though.

 

[Matt-Page]

Its always tough when a relationship ends, especially when you didnt do the finishing.
Personally I think its probably best for you to move on, dont rush into anything, but just get everything ownership sorted between yourselves.

She obviously knows you still want her, and might abuse this, getting computer of you, help around the house etc, but still doing what she wants from a relationship perspective.

Make a clean break and move on.

Easy for an outside, you got to do what you think is right though.

I think your both right, i just can't, i miss her all the time and hope i'll see her, or she will want to see me. I think that's why i am still doing things, because i will have some form of contact. It drives me wild to think she's got some little ***** in my house with her.

I know i need to move on but feel so low. I have never felt like this, and i wouldn't wish it on anyone. I also (And yes this does sound weird) want to drive by, to see if i can see anyone. I havn't yet but the feeling keeps popping in my head, then i think OMG Stalker!! Crazy isnt it? I am such an outgoing, self-motivated person and i have reduced to this peice of *** feeling sorry for myself.

 

[Brizzles]

Am i waisting my time in trying to get her back? Is what i am feeling normal...? I don't know how much more i can go on feeling like this. It's warping me.

Yes.
Yes.

Time heals, we've all been through it.

It's not nice but it doesn't last forever.

 

[JohnnyG]

she said she didn't want to,

Don't waste your time on someone who doesn't want you

 

[basmic]

I think your both right, i just can't, i miss her all the time and hope i'll see her, or she will want to see me. I think that's why i am still doing things, because i will have some form of contact. It drives me wild to think she's got some little ***** in my house with her.

I know i need to move on but feel so low. I have never felt like this, and i wouldn't wish it on anyone. I also (And yes this does sound weird) want to drive by, to see if i can see anyone. I havn't yet but the feeling keeps popping in my head, then i think OMG Stalker!! Crazy isnt it? I am such an outgoing, self-motivated person and i have reduced to this peice of *** feeling sorry for myself.

Your best bet is to do as I say, cut all attachments with her.

Without intending to sound crude or nasty, but take a few weeks/months to get over her. Perhaps drop her a call in 3-4 weeks time, ask her how she is and ask her where she thinks you both went wrong.

Using what she, hopefully, tells you, process it and find another lass and develop your relationship skills.

 

[KaHn]

She's still in your house? Tell her to get lost and get over her.

KaHn

 

[FishThrower]

Some of you may remember my post a few weeks ago http://forums.overclockers.co.uk/showthread.php?t=17620046&page=2&pp=30

Well here is a bit of an update:

I was asked by my ex to move out because i was stressing her out and making her ill. I did this two Sundays ago. On the next saturday i was round doing her a favour on the house because her brother had attempted to do something and messed it up.
Whilst i was there i was looking for some documents, of which i cam accross a peice of paper with the name of her ex boyfriend on it. Odd i thought, so i ead it a bit, it was from her mate in the US who wrote "I don;t blame you for meeting up with him" This made my heart sink, as i know she would have done this when we were still together.

The next day i went back to get some more things, but when i walked through my front door, i saw a random bloke, sat in my house with my girlfriend. Normally i would have kicked seven bails of **** out of this bloke, but i didn#t i said hi and went upstairs. I was shaking and upset and didn't know what to do. I left shortly after still in a state of shock

I questioned her about both of the things, she said she met up with her ex to tell him to leave her alone, because he was writting to her.

I questioned who he was and what happened with this bloke, as i thought i had a right to know. She said nothing happened, i alled her bluff and she admitted she was up to no good in my house, a kiss as far as i know but it could have been more. I had only been gone 6 days!!

I met up with her the next evening for a meal, i told her i still loved her, missed her dearly and wanted to see if we could try again slowly, just doing things together once a week and see what happens, she said she didn't want to, which made me feel even worse. Being the idiot i am i also bought her gift, which i did on a frequent occassion. I don't know why i did it this time either. Also when i moved out i took my PC with me, which she said she needed to use, so i got a laptop (borrowed) and put everything on it she needed and setup the internet.

I know i still want her back and it is driving me nutts. I don't kno0w if i could go back with her now after this has happened, but i still miss her. I don't feel like eating and i can't sleep. I am lucky that i have got a lot of good mates who have taken me out and got me wrecked. The last two nights were great while they and the alcahol lasted.

Am i waisting my time in trying to get her back? Is what i am feeling normal...? I don't know how much more i can go on feeling like this. It's warping me.

I apreciate any comments. Sorry for rambeling, but it feels good to type out what has happened and how i am feeling.

theres a surpise

the women playing the victim to get attention.. while shes seeing another bloke. Kick her out mate

 

[Kell_ee001]

What you're going through is horrible but also very natural

Sounds like you need to cut all ties for a while, not that it'll be easy, but you need to do it. by all means get in contact again later but give yourself a bit of time first.

Also, is it your house or does it belong to both of you?

theres a surpise

the women playing the victim to get attention..

Where is she "playing the victim"?

 

[cleanbluesky]

Am i waisting my time in trying to get her back? Is what i am feeling normal...? I don't know how much more i can go on feeling like this. It's warping me.

You'll keep on like this until you realise that it is better to assert yourself than to allow someone to mess you around.

What the hell does this girl mean to you anyway? Do you think you love her becasue that's what we see on TV? Why on Earth would you lower yourself in front of another in this ?

 

[cleanbluesky]

theres a surpise

the women playing the victim to get attention.. while shes seeing another bloke. Kick her out mate

She's not playing the victim, she's just messing him about becasue he doesn't have the nuts to stand up for himself

 

[FishThrower]

What you're going through is horrible but also very natural

Sounds like you need to cut all ties for a while, not that it'll be easy, but you need to do it. by all means get in contact again later but give yourself a bit of time first.

Also, is it your house or does it belong to both of you?



Where is she "playing the victim"?

I havent read the last thread of this, but forgive me if im wrong

I was asked by my ex to move out because i was stressing her out and making her ill.

she was probbley "stressed" because she had too much on her mind, and the poor guy has got the bad end of the deal by getting kicked out. The blokes always get the blame

 

[cleanbluesky]

she was probbley "stressed" because she had too much on her mind, and the poor guy has got the bad end of the deal by getting kicked out. The blokes always get the blame

Have you any evidence that she was not genuinely ill becasue of stress?

 

[Matt-Page]

The house is both of ours.

I think your all right, i need to loose all contact with her for a while, as when i see her i feel that false sense of hope. I feel like a berk for posting about it on a forum, but it gets it off my chest and i know there are lots of people on here who have been through all sorts of different things.

Thank you all for your comments. I think i'll try Eastbourne for the week as i have been signed off sick for 2 weeks at least, yes life is going bad isn't it.

 

[Kell_ee001]

she was probbley "stressed" because she had too much on her mind, and the poor guy has got the bad end of the deal by getting kicked out. The blokes always get the blame

It's her house too and she didn't kick him out, she asked him to leave - he could have said no

 

[Matt-Page]

It's her house too and she didn't kick him out, she asked him to leave - he could have said no

I did at first, because i can't afford to pay a mortgage and rent, but she said iw as making her ill and upset, so i did it for her. Seems to me it was so she could start bringing her new "friends" back. Someone said i should burn my bridges, take what she did, turn it to anger and tell her where to go.

This would seem logical for me, but i know i couldn't. Strange how relationships can make you act out of charecter despite what she has done.

 

[cleanbluesky]

The house is both of ours.

I think your all right, i need to loose all contact with her for a while, as when i see her i feel that false sense of hope. I feel like a berk for posting about it on a forum, but it gets it off my chest and i know there are lots of people on here who have been through all sorts of different things.

Thank you all for your comments. I think i'll try Eastbourne for the week as i have been signed off sick for 2 weeks at least, yes life is going bad isn't it.

No, dont feel like a berk.

It's better that you ask the forgiving (and mostly forgetting) people of OcUK and get a fair and sincere answer than you share this with a friend who might have an agenda.

My advice is, instead of not seeing her until you feel you can, don't see her at all. If you are made weak by something, you should be prepared to get your spirit back by renouncing it forever. Make no plans to ever see her again, and make sure you are strong once more if she ever happens to come into your life through fluke.

 

[Kell_ee001]

My advice is, instead of not seeing her until you feel you can, don't see her at all. If you are made weak by something, you should be prepared to get your spirit back by renouncing it forever. Make no plans to ever see her again, and make sure you are strong once more if she ever happens to come into your life through fluke.

If they own the house together that won't be possible

He can however make sure he takes a break and when he sees her remain professional and (hopefully) unemotional.

 

[FishThrower]

Have you any evidence that she was not genuinely ill becasue of stress?

what is this? a courtroom? lol

the poor guy is being taken for a ride, and most of the time, women always try and manipulate the situtation and blame it on the bloke. Chances are she is fine, she aint stressed, its a load of rubbish, shes just seeking attention so the bloke would go "oh ok then, is there anything I can do?" shes just buying time.

How the hell can her boyfriend make her ill? while shes in the wrong for getting back in contact with her ex? doesnt add up does it?