Any way to change your username?

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Did you ever see the episode "Je Souhaite" from the X Files where Mulder gains control of the Djinn? Well, at the end he figures it out and sets about writing down a very detailed and exact wish, one that couldn't be twisted around in any way at all by the Djinn.

Well, that's what you need to do when you request a change of moniker!
 
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