Anyone having problems with kids starting high school?

watercooledman

watercooledman

watercooledman

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Have 3 kids me and their mum separated i have them staying over a couple of days every week.

The 2nd oldest she has started high school and is in a pickle, she has a lot of anxiety and cries everyday before school and during school at times too. Says she feels scared and worried :(

I know high school is hard but it's breaking my heart seeing her this way.

Not sure what to do ?
 
watercooledman said:
Seems like that yes I will speak with her mum and see if we can get her some help.

Bloody heart breaking it is.
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Absolutely do so. It would be a great move on your part as a parent to recognise the possibility that she may have SAD and act on it supportively.

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/social-anxiety/

Social anxiety can also affect children.

Signs of social anxiety in a child include:

  • crying or getting upset more often than usual
  • getting angry a lot
  • avoiding interaction with other children and adults
  • fear of going to school or taking part in classroom activities, school performances and social events
  • not asking for help at school
  • being very reliant on their parents or carer
Speak to a GP if you're worried about your child. They'll ask you about your child's behaviour and talk to them about how they feel.

Treatments for social anxiety in children are similar to those for teenagers and adults, although medicines are not normally used.

Therapy will be tailored to your child's age and will often involve help from you.
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You may be given training and self-help materials to use between sessions. It may also take place in a small group.
 
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Her mum not having any of it saying it will just go away, I for one know it won't she's such a lovely little soul but you can see how much it's affecting her. Do I make an appointment myself and take her.
 
watercooledman said:
Her mum not having any of it saying it will just go away
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Well, that is sweeping your daughter's concerns under the carpet. Have you seen this behaviour in her before? Are there other things in her which point towards her being unhappy or uncomfortable in social situations?

I was told many a time that behaviour I exhibited would just "go away" and BAM, here I am, 40 years old and in therapy for misophonia, OCD and depression. I am not saying the same thing will happen to your daughter, just that I'm agreeing that certain things, if left unchecked, can develop. I promise you so much harm is caused in mental health circles by people thinking things will just go away.

watercooledman said:
I for one know it won't she's such a lovely little soul but you can see how much it's affecting her. Do I make an appointment myself and take her.
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Well that's one thing you can do, and kindly and gently explain to your wife that it's just a precaution.

I don't see the harm in doing so.
 
OK her mum said make the appointment but it worthless??? I will be making the appointment today and will be here for her at this hard time.

That anxiety is very real and destroying I had it too.
 
watercooledman said:
OK her mum said make the appointment but it worthless??? I will be making the appointment today and will be here for her at this hard time.

That anxiety is very real and destroying I had it too.
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Often these things are passed down. It's no-one's fault. You've done the right thing. Well done.
 
Lysander said:
Often these things are passed down. It's no-one's fault. You've done the right thing. Well done.
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Thank you for your kind words.
Have made an appointment, she is back with me staying over tomorrow so will explain the best I can too her that it's all OK and let's try some help from someone that knows about this type of stuff.
 
has anyone told any of the teachers, if they dont know then they cant help.

high school for me was toxic, outnumbered by vile morons who liked nothing more than to make others feel bad about themself.
 
You're a good person, @watercooledman - so many families will go into denial when it comes to mental health and just ignore it because they don't want to look at themselves.

But really it's not anyone's fault, a situation like this. And I wish, when I was younger, someone had listened to me rather than just said "get over it". She will appreciate the help and being taken seriously.
 
Lysander said:
You're a good person, @watercooledman - so many families will go into denial when it comes to mental health and just ignore it because they don't want to look at themselves.

But really it's not anyone's fault, a situation like this. And I wish, when I was younger, someone had listened to me rather than just said "get over it". She will appreciate the help and being taken seriously.
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Thank you
Will update with any updates going further, hopefully positive .
 
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We have been having the very same issue with our 9 year old.

If the problem is caused at school then you need to get them involved early. Talk to her form tutor and if they have any kind of pastoral care. Our daughter has friends, is doing fine in class, but still we have days, like Monday when she cried so much, got herself in a panic and had to stay home for the morning. Its great that you are recognizing that its an issue and not just "bad behavior"

Don't try to apply adult logic to her either that doesn't work. What you think is something small or silly is a massive deal to them. For ours she had the issue that her eldest sister left to go to secondary school, her two best friends at primary moved away, being at home for 6 months, covid etc etc. All these little things mount up and seem like the biggest thing in the world.

She would sometimes talk about a negative voice in her head that would say all the bad things, so we focused on being positive with Percy the Positive power penguin, her sister got her a stuffed toy and that helped and now she has a bracelet she can wear to school with a penguin on.

Do the school phone you to tell you she is ok or does she cry during the day too? One thing that we noticed was that S was okish at school and could calm herself down as she had to confront the problem rather than run from it.

Lysander is right that it can carry on and really affect you in later life, my wife had trouble as a youngster but it was never acknowledged by her family, it still isnt 30 years later.

Sorry for the rambling, but just wanted to say that you are not alone and so many kids are having this same issue. In a way Covid has been good for this as schools are much more away that this is happening and its getting sorted out.
 
I'd also try to make school a positive experience, she has to go, by making it moe about hanging out with friends. Try to organise as many play dates and get togethers as possible. Do they chat on the phone/tiktok etc
 
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