Anyone here a stepdad?

yes mate, I have to agree. it is time to get out of there!

Sit her down and tell her you want to be the dad of her kids, but you need to be able to tell them off as she does and that you want her backing! tell her you know it will be hard for her but if she can't do that the kids will notice the divided front and play you off against each other!

If she can't handle that you should leave, not just because of the arguing but because the kids will turn out to be total brats!
 
The only reason she is with you is because no other man wants to get in a relationship with a woman who has 3 kids! It's hard work, when the kid's are old enough and you tell them to do something the only thing they will say is your not my dad so F off.

How did you meet her?

Is she still giving you some action?
 
Azagoth said:
If it were me, I'd be out of there in a shot.
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Yep exactly what i was going to say...dude your 22 FFS!!! you shouldnt be with someone who has baggage ie kids. Im 36 and i was with a woman who had 2 kids...one was 13 and the other was 10...now the 10 yr old was good with me...we were thick as thieves and he loved me to bits...of course we had our run ins...back in Aug last yr he told me and my partner to shut the **** up...i hate to say it but i lost it and pulled the car over and yanked the door open and told him to get the **** out or apologise and if he was to apologise then it better be a good one...suffice to say since that incident he never once played up with me...wasnt disrespectful or anything...even my partner said at the time that i did good. Now the 13 yr old was a real piece of work...very rude not to me but his mum...always telling her what she can and could not do and of course he hated me and would tell complete utter strangers about mine and his mums business. a lot of that was due to my ex partner talking to him whenever we had a fight:rolleyes:. But i never held it against him...he had some mental issues ie ADHD, tourettes and aspergers and had to take medicines to keep it in check.

In the end i had to walk away...9 mths of being with them was too much and i couldnt just take the kids on...now if it was only her and the youngest then i would have been good to go but the eldest was a little git...the number of times i wanted to give him a right good smack but in the end i just couldnt be bothered to even talk to him ie sit him down and explain to him why his behaviour wasnt called for...it wasnt like he listened or anything.

The strange thing is that i still see her now and again..purely for other reasons;):p but even to this day the eldest makes her life a misery..mind u i feel sorry for him as his father is a waste of space and lets him get away with murder.

If anything i really miss the youngest one because unlike his elder bro...he actually appreciated the stuff i did for him ie take him out fishing, golf etc whereas the eldest didnt and couldnt be bothered. Even though im no longer with my ex as a couple he still tries to run her life.

Anyways thats what happened to me and since i left her back in Nov, i havent been more happier...i do miss her and the youngest but thats about it...i wouldnt go back there again tbh.

But seriously at your age its time to walk away...soon those kids are going to start telling you that you cant tell them off as you arent their real dad:rolleyes:...thats kids for u...if i was those kids i wouldnt want another man trying to take the place of my real dad...sorry but thats reality. Trust me ive been there and i know how hard it is but its best if you walk away now rather than later...your far too young to be taking all that on. Sit her down and talk about it and if you can resolve the issues then fair enough...and funnily enough when my ex went on the pill...it caused a lot of fights between us so go figure eh??.

Anyways best of luck mate and let us know how it turned out:).
 
I have a step-daughter and its not plain sailing. My wife and I now have a very good understanding of how we treat each others children.
Its largely based on humour in that we both know just how easy it is to resent how your partner treats your own kids and we have learned to stand back from confrontations.

It sounds as though your situation is very far from that kind of understanding and I'm sure that if we had been in your shoes so early in our relationship we would both have walked away.
 
Aruffell said:
Funny thing is, she has given me 3 months to get a job and for me to change.

I've got a part time job as a cleaner which brings in £65 every week and every penny goes to her for me to live in the house.

Andy
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I have to agree with the majority in the thread so far, GET OUT.

But i think i know where she might be coming from as well. Your not telling us everything (not asking you too either). If there is one thing that ALL women "must" have for the man in thier life, it is respect. You are 22 and live with her in her house and bring home £65. From her point of view, you may be no different than a lodger. The fact that you say "every penny goes to her for me to live in the house", says to me that you resent having to give it to her, which in turn tells me how imature you are. £65 a week is nothing, and dos'nt cover you living, she knows that and you don't. I suspect that the lack of respect (both ways) is down to this.
 
I operate the "I'm the man of the house" attitude when parenting and expect my partner to support me. Of course in order to do this you need to communicate these rules when the kid(s) aren't around. Nothing is worse than parents that give off two sets of rules.

It was a bit rough when I first started going out with my wife as my step-son hadn't had a male role model for a while and we had a few arguments but because my wife supported me (sometimes she told me I am too stern but not in front of him and I always listened to her) he got used to the motto: my rules.

He turned out a well rounded individual. ;) :D

Anyway the OP needs to bail. That woman sees you as a meal ticket.
 
Damn I'm 6 years older than you Andy and I don't think I could cope... I've looked after my cousins in the past and the stress is crazy. It's almost enough to put you off having your own kids! :p
 
I've been where you are, i was a bit older, the kids were a bit older, but i was in her house.

It's never going to get better, she will always pressure you financially, you will never have a real say with the kids (they're hers, not yours) and the home will always be hers.

Run for the ****ing hills. Don't look back, she will always be able to control you if you talk to her as she's been manipulating men for a long time by now, you're too young to have developed any defenses against it.

She resents your lack of cash income and she resents you being involved with the kids. However, she will be an absolute demon in the sack.

If some legover action is enough payoff for the soul destroying head**** she will eventually leave you with is up to you ...
 
Are the kids from the same father, iam in a similar position but different anyway iam seeing a woman has kids shes older than me by 5 years, she works in the city high profile job we have an arrangement FB, plus i dont want to know kids and keep it between us.
The other day i phone up and heard one of the kids say hello told her why does her kid know my name, plus tonight met up with another woman on 2nd date go to kiss her, invited her over told her, she asked what are we going to do i said well iam not going to sleep with her explained why with out tell her about my FB " she with a high tone voice iam not going to sleep with you, yet shes the one that wanted to come round, the thing is i get the funny feeling, i think she is strange.
i'll tell you why she has this flow chart and sticks to it, then i she says she has no idea what to do about dating how to go about it, i replied havent you ever had boyfriends she says yes, thought what a strange thing to say, started to get worried about the whole thing thoughts started to go thru my mind collagen injected lips, nice **** nice bum she attractive so i started to feel her neck no adams apple whole list of things started to go thru my mind, not sure if am getting paranoid.
 
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mattheman said:
Are the kids from the same father, iam in a similar position but different anyway iam seeing a woman has kids shes older than me by 5 years, she works in the city high profile job we have an arrangement FB, plus i dont want to know kids and keep it between us.
The other day i phone up and heard one of the kids say hello told her why does her kid know my name, plus tonight met up with another woman on 2nd date go to kiss her, invited her over told her, she asked what are we going to do i said well iam not going to sleep with her explained why with out tell her about my FB " she with a high tone voice iam not going to sleep with you, yet shes the one that wanted to come round, the thing is i get the funny feeling, i think she is strange.
i'll tell you why she has this flow chart and sticks to it, then i she says she has no idea what to do about dating how to go about it, i replied havent you ever had boyfriends she says yes, thought what a strange thing to say, started to get worried about the whole thing thoughts started to go thru my mind collagen injected lips, nice **** nice bum she attractive so i started to feel her neck no adams apple whole list of things started to go thru my mind, not sure if am getting paranoid.
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lolwut.jpg
 
I would get out of there fast, you are 22 for god's sake,

I am 22 and I couldn't be with someone with 3 kids, I enjoy my freedom far too much, Live your life before you get tied down with kids, especially if they aren't yours, when you get to 30 and she looks rough as hell and is still treating you like crap you will wish you had walked out years ago, now is your chance,

I know you probably won't listen to any of this though, I know how stubborn the human mind can be, I stayed with a girl I wasn't happy with for 2 years longer than I should have done, I couldn't believe how free I felt once I actually left her,
 
Tefal said:
exactly what i was thinking. his posts are either all written in a drunken stupor or he's 12.
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I'm glad I'm not the only one having problems understanding his ramblings. I must've read that post about 10 times trying to make some sense of it, still can't quite wrap my head around it though.
 
Damn.... another vote to get out of there


Your almost same age as me get out and there and enjoy your self nothing wrong with been a stepdad long as kids get on with you / respect you, my mom split up when i was about 8 or 9 and afaik my stepdad never regretted been a stepdad
 
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