Appalling nun jokes

JRS

JRS

JRS

Soldato
Joined
6 Jun 2004
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Burton-on-Trent
Disclaimer - found these on one of the simracing forums I visit. I apologise for their crappiness.

Q: What's black and white and green?
A: A nun eating a pickle.

Q: What's black and white and green and green and green and green?
A: A nun juggling pickles.

Q: What's black and white and green and black and white and green and black and white and green?
A: A nun rolling downhill with a pickle.

Q: What's black and white and green and white and black?
A: Two nuns fighting over a pickle.

Q: What's green and black and white and green?
A: Two pickles fighting over a nun.
 
Two nuns in a bath, one says, "Where's the soap?". The other one says, "Aye it does indeed."


What do you call a nun that walks in her sleep?
A Roaming Catholic.


What's black and white and red and has trouble getting through a revolving door?
A nun with a spear through her head!


Two nuns are cycling down a cobbled street.
The first one says "I've never come this way before."
The second one replies "Must be the cobbles"


What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Him?
You only need one nail to hang a picture.


Jesus slammed down 3 nails on the counter of the hotel and asked: "Can you put me up for the night?"


Did you hear the one about the man who opened a dry-cleaning business
next door to the convent? He knocked on the door and asked the Mother
Superior if she had any dirty habits.



A boy asks his father to use the car and the father replies "No, not until you cut your hair!".
The boy replies "But father...Jesus had long hair!"
To which his father says, "Yeah, but Jesus walked everywhere."


How does a priest have fun?
He has nun.


A priest asks a nun if he can walk her back to the convent. She says,
"Just this once." Upon arriving, he asks if he can kiss her.
She replies, "Well, alright, as long as you don't get into the habit."


Sister Catherine is asking all the Catholic school children in fourth
grade what they want to be when they grow up. Little Sheila says:
"When I grow up, I want to be a prostitute!" Sister Catherine's eyes
grow wide and she barks: "What the **** did you say?"
"A prostitute!" Sheila repeats. Sister Catherine breathes a sight of
relief and says: "Thank God! I thought you said a Protestant"
 
Funniest thing about this thread is that if you were insulting any other religion you're thread would have been deleted..

Sad but true, perhaps christians just have a sense of humour? :p
 
Kami said:
Funniest thing about this thread is that if you were insulting any other religion you're thread would have been deleted..

Sad but true, perhaps christians just have a sense of humour? :p
Click to expand...

It would be rude of us to leave all the rest of them out. I'll be politically correct and post some diverse jokes.

JIHAD HUMOR - MUSLIM JOKES by stand-up comic Goffaq Yussef.

Good evening gentlemen, and get out, ladies.

On my flight to New York there must have been a Jew in the bathroom the entire time. There was a sign on the door that said "occupied."

What do you say to a Muslim woman with two black eyes? Nothing! You told her twice already!

How many Palestinians does it take to change a light bulb? None! They sit in the dark forever and blame the Jews for it!

Did you hear about the Broadway play, The Palestinians ? It bombed!

What do you call a first-time offender in Saudi Arabia? Lefty!

Did you hear about the Muslim strip club? It features full facial nudity!

Why do Palestinians find it convenient to live on the West Bank? Because just a stone's throw from Israel!

Why are Palestinian boys luckier than American boys? Because every Palestinian boy will get to join a rock group!

A small plane carrying Yassir Arafat and all his top lieutenants crashes and all aboard are killed. Who is saved? The Palestinian people!

A Palestinian suspect was being grilled by Israeli police. "Honest, I'm not a suicide bomber," he said. "I didn't say I wanted to blow myself up so I could sleep with 72 virgins. All I said was I'm dying to get laid!"

What does the sign say above the nursery in a Palestinian maternity ward? "Live ammunition."

A Palestinian girl says to her mommy, "After Abdul blows up, can I have his room?"
Click to expand...
 
theDave said:
i really dont get that one :confused:
Click to expand...

The other nun thought that the first nun said, "Wears the soap", when in fact she said, "Where's the soap?".
The first nun meant, "Where is the soap?" and the other nun thought she meant, "It wears down the soap", 'it' being whatever your imagination pictures when you think of a nun wearing down a bar of soap.
 
A nun is walking down the street and then a drunk stumbles out of a bar. He punches her and before she can say anything he kicks her. Then he smashes her up against a wall. Grinning he stands over her and says, "You're not so ******* tough now are you, Batman?"
 
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