Asking the father

holymonk · 13 Jul 2015 at 19:43

Is it insulting not to ask a father for permission of the girl you wish to ask to marry? thoughts please and experiences please?

Scuzi · 13 Jul 2015 at 19:44

That depends. If he doesn't approve are you going to move on?

dirtychinchilla · 13 Jul 2015 at 19:45

I would ignore my future father in law if he said no, but I would do it out of courtesy as I know that's what my girlfriend wants me to do, and what he expects. I don't generally like meeting their expectations, but this is a big deal.

Probably best just to ask in case?

Johno please? · 13 Jul 2015 at 19:46

No, its a silly tradition, what does he own his daughter or something? it has nothing to do with him.

Luke · 13 Jul 2015 at 19:46

Depends on whether or not you are expecting her family to stump up for the wedding.

Mr Badger · 13 Jul 2015 at 19:47

Will he be throwing in any livestock?

dirtychinchilla · 13 Jul 2015 at 19:48

Johno please? said:
No, its a silly tradition, what does he own his daughter or something? it has nothing to do with him.

But a simple question could make you golden in the parents eyes. Put it this way, unless they say no, it can only do good things for you.

Arsonist · 13 Jul 2015 at 19:49

Tradition suggests it might be best to. It also starts you off on the right foot, even if he says no.

CJonny · 13 Jul 2015 at 19:49

If she is close to her dad then I would say it is a bit rude not to ask. Just for his sake.

mattyfez · 13 Jul 2015 at 19:50

dirtychinchilla said:
I would ignore my future father in law if he said no, but I would do it out of courtesy as I know that's what my girlfriend wants me to do, and what he expects. I don't generally like meeting their expectations, but this is a big deal.

Probably best just to ask in case?

This.
Marriage is a pretty archaic tradition, but I think it shows respect which will be appreciated by the future in-laws.

Probably best to be pretty sure the Mrs will say yes before asking though.

Jonny2284 · 13 Jul 2015 at 19:51

I'd ask, but I'd also consider his response irrelevant.

mattyfez · 13 Jul 2015 at 19:51

Arsonist said:
Tradition suggests it might be best to. It also starts you off on the right foot, even if he says no.

holymonk · 13 Jul 2015 at 19:51

I know it will be fine, but I just think its bloody awkward.

Her family is very different to mine. An example being she has probably had about 20 meals at my parents and I have had 1 buffet dinner at Christmas at hers.

I think if we knew each other better it would be less weird, I think she expects me to do this but I don't see the point and don't want to be made to feel like an idiot trundling over there.

dirtychinchilla · 13 Jul 2015 at 19:52

The asking might bring you closer together as a family?

Arsonist · 13 Jul 2015 at 19:54

holymonk said:
I know it will be fine, but I just think its bloody awkward.

Her family is very different to mine. An example being she has probably had about 20 meals at my parents and I have had 1 buffet dinner at Christmas at hers.

I think if we knew each other better it would be less weird, I think she expects me to do this but I don't see the point and don't want to be made to feel like an idiot trundling over there.

Totally get this for my ex-gf's parents, would have been so awkward. Thankfully, the new squeeze's (who I'm pretty certain I will one day marry) dad is pretty cool, even if he is ex SAS and I've only met him once!

holymonk · 13 Jul 2015 at 19:54

Moses said:
I'd do it, assuming we got on, or if the wife to be thought it was a big deal. If he's a knob, and she doesn't care, he can swivel.

It'd probably be weird if you had no relationship with them beforehand - probably a good excuse to try and get on with them a bit relatively early on!

Last paragraph exactly. They are more than nice, just different. I know they like me but I feel really embarrassed doing it. I guess from the feedback I should just suck it up and do it.

How did you guys go about doing it?

godinman · 13 Jul 2015 at 19:56

Depends on the family/situation. I didn't ask, but then we had been living together for 7 years and had just bought a house together so it was pretty irrelevant.

dirtychinchilla · 13 Jul 2015 at 19:58

holymonk said:
Last paragraph exactly. They are more than nice, just different. I know they like me but I feel really embarrassed doing it. I guess from the feedback I should just suck it up and do it.

How did you guys go about doing it?

I haven't done it, but when my girlfriend's sister's now husband asked, he called up maybe half an hour beforehand and just asked if he could come over for a chat. Did that, popped the questions to her dad, and he said yes.

They may be able to guess what's going on tbh. Just tell them not to tell the mrs!

dessimpson · 13 Jul 2015 at 19:58

My wifes parents had passed away so this wasn't an issue for me. Had they still been alive I reckon I'd have asked him.

mattyfez · 13 Jul 2015 at 19:59

holymonk said:
I know it will be fine, but I just think its bloody awkward.

Her family is very different to mine. An example being she has probably had about 20 meals at my parents and I have had 1 buffet dinner at Christmas at hers.

I think if we knew each other better it would be less weird, I think she expects me to do this but I don't see the point and don't want to be made to feel like an idiot trundling over there.

Take some initiative then, take the inlaws for lunch, have a good old chat, and then ask them.