Dear 8-ball,
Many thanks for your reply to my previous email. Firstly, let me thank you for the promptness of your response. As you can appreciate, the possibility of not receiving the said t-shirt by the time of the gig has put me under a great deal of emotional pressure. You will therefore forgive the directness of my previous correspondence in wishing to ascertain an exact date that the goods will arrive - On reflection I realise it is wholly unfair to expect an e-tailer such as your good selves to maintain a decent level of contact with your suppliers regarding expected delivery times.
I admit that the timing of the familiar chime of an email arriving in Outlook was initially was greeted as a mild annoyance by myself, having been in the process of participating in a particularly satisfactory dump. On return however, annoyance swiftly moved to a warm feeling of comfort and relief as I saw what I was sure would be an email containing a 'cast iron' date for when I could expect the goods to arrive. I opened the message fully anticipating a comprehensive answer addressing the salient points of my previous correspondence, perhaps even the 'gold at the end of a rainbow' in the world of internet sales that is the Royal Mail tracking number.
You can therefore imagine my surprise when I read the contents of your reply. My initial reaction was that perhaps a child on work experience had replied before a member of your retail sales department had cast their professional eye over it. I am well aware that this week is a popular time for reputable companies such as yourselves to welcome the Burberry wearing failures of New Labours educational policy, unfortunately this did not seem to be the case. So, to the response itself. It is "unexpected" for that particular t-shirt to out of stock. "Unexpected" is not a word that should be common place for internet retailers. "Unexpected" is a word more accustomed to in situations involving handshakes with senior members of the clergy with joke buzzers. It is not the kind of word traditionally associated with retailers whose websites assure us they are at the cut and thrust of supply chain management. Surely on the release of a new album and tour, the Neanderthals in your warehouse are able to notice that the stock levels of certain band shirts are dropping while smoking their Lambert & Butlers and scratching their asses. Is it too much to expect the message to be passed through the levels of bureaucracy of 8-ball to your purchasing team, who in turn can take a break from playing that penguin game on the internet and order new stocks before your supplies are dwindled?
In addition, the word "Probably" set alarm bells ringing. "Probably" is not a word that instils me with confidence. Imagine Churchill in our darkest hour trying to bring a sense of euphoria to the nation. "We will fight them on the beaches, we shall fight them in the streets.... we shall PROBABLY never surrender". It is recognised that this speech was designed to draw the USA into the war, and I do grant you they about a punctual in major world conflicts as your delivery estimates, but this is no excuse.
In short, I would be grateful for a slightly more detailed reply stating exactly when you intend fulfil the duties of what you laughingly describe yourselves as an e-tailer and post the merchandise.
Love & kisses,
CBS
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