Being in a relationship with a workaholic

[hughtrimble]

GPs do not get paid silly money

In England at least, it depends on how good a businessman/woman they are...

 

[AJK]

As I mentioned, if I did the same job, I'd be clocked off by 6pm and wouldn't work over weekends. That's all my time and I would force what I needed to do into normal working hours. Sure, there may be occasions when I need to do more, but it certainly wouldn't be regular.

You would "force" what you needed to do into normal working hours? It doesn't work like that in the real world though, does it? If you are given more work than fits into a working week, you either take it home, or the work goes incomplete. If the work isn't done, sooner or later someone will ask why, and then you either manage up and deal with the problem, or get sacked.

Clearly your partner has an issue with work balance, but your blind insistence that you would just "do it in working hours" isn't exactly sympathetic is it?

 

[Heliospherez]

Just out of curiosity.

1.) How old are you both.
2.) Does she earn a lot above average wage (assuming she is getting a lot of overtime)
3.) Is she doing the extra hours for career progression ?
4.) Does she work all weekends / most weekends - do you go out together ?

I'm curious as I basically don't see my wife for 4 days at a time. Shes contracted to work 48 hours in 4 days - earns good money and puts in a lot of overtime on her days off.

Would I rather have a wife that stays at home, ironing, cleaning, getting her hair done and getting her nails painted up the town with her work-shy friends.....hell no. I want a tough, independant woman who is intelligent and understands that if you want the best for your family and you want to keep your sanity - you work hard at it and both contribute to the family. However if she ever starts applying too much time to the work in the work/life balance - I tell her and she eases off.

 

[HugsHeal]

My other half is pretty much the same in that if she's not working she's volunteering. I love that she's got that about her but it was becoming an issue when we had no free time to ourselves.

We sat down and I explained how I felt, turns out she felt the same and just needed to learn how to say no to people.

 

[Stuff]

You would "force" what you needed to do into normal working hours? It doesn't work like that in the real world though, does it? If you are given more work than fits into a working week, you either take it home, or the work goes incomplete. If the work isn't done, sooner or later someone will ask why, and then you either manage up and deal with the problem, or get sacked.

Clearly your partner has an issue with work balance, but your blind insistence that you would just "do it in working hours" isn't exactly sympathetic is it?

We used to both do the same job though, and this was exactly the case. I just worked smarter and more efficiently. I still do the same job, and there has never been a question about the work I'm doing. My reviews with my boss are always positive and my customers are happy. That's why I said the above..

Just out of curiosity.

1.) How old are you both.
2.) Does she earn a lot above average wage (assuming she is getting a lot of overtime)
3.) Is she doing the extra hours for career progression ?
4.) Does she work all weekends / most weekends - do you go out together ?

I'm curious as I basically don't see my wife for 4 days at a time. Shes contracted to work 48 hours in 4 days - earns good money and puts in a lot of overtime on her days off.

Would I rather have a wife that stays at home, ironing, cleaning, getting her hair done and getting her nails painted up the town with her work-shy friends.....hell no. I want a tough, independant woman who is intelligent and understands that if you want the best for you family and your sanity - you work hard at it and both contribute to the family. However if she ever starts applying too much time to the work in the work/life balance - I tell her and she eases off.

1. Mid 20's
2. Not massively, plus all this extra work is unpaid overtime, she on salary. If you break her salary down over the hours she does, she'd probably get paid more (per hour) to sit on a checkout in Tesco
3. She does want to progress, yes, but other than working like she does, there's no plan in place or path she's following
4. She does, and we do, but the work phone/ipad is always handy. There's always a compromise.

At least with 48 hours in 4 days, she's then got a 3-day weekend? Does she manage to 'let go' in this time? At least she has the choice re. overtime. And at least it's paid

My other half is pretty much the same in that if she's not working she's volunteering. I love that she's got that about her but it was becoming an issue when we had no free time to ourselves.

We sat down and I explained how I felt, turns out she felt the same and just needed to learn how to say no to people.

As you say, it's nice of her to do that! But you can't (or can apparently ) devote your whole life to work.

 

[LordSplodge]

In the past year I've probably spent about 3 months with my family while the other 8 or so months I've been in a separate country from them.

I do have a plan though which involves working like a beast for 5 years (3 years now) and then retiring and spending as much time as possible with them.

Wouldn't want to miss my child grow up for all the tea in China. I'd do the work hard, retire earlier once they've grown up a bit.

Would I rather have a wife that stays at home, ironing, cleaning, getting her hair done and getting her nails painted up the town with her work-shy friends.....hell no. I want a tough, independant woman who is intelligent

I'm married to a tough, intelligent, independent woman. Who happens to only work part time and spends the rest of the time doing a very good job of looking after me, our family and the house (thankfully she isn't the kind of woman who does the frivolous stuff you alluded to) . She used to have a nice, well paid job, but at the end of the day money is nice, but time together as a family is better.

One life, don't go to your deathbed with regrets.

 

[Heliospherez]

1. Mid 20's
2. Not massively, plus all this extra work is unpaid overtime, she on salary. If you break her salary down over the hours she does, she'd probably get paid more (per hour) to sit on a checkout in Tesco
3. She does want to progress, yes, but other than working like she does, there's no plan in place or path she's following
4. She does, and we do, but the work phone/ipad is always handy. There's always a compromise.

At least with 48 hours in 4 days, she's then got a 3-day weekend? Does she manage to 'let go' in this time? At least she has the choice re. overtime. And at least it's paid

She works for 4 days then is off for 4.
Unfortunately - I work the four she is off - So too most it would be even tougher. But we both earn good money and do it because the jobs are enjoyable and we have the odd (once a month or so) night out together.

I'm a bit unsure if you both actually know what you want from life. If you ask her to give you more time (which is basically what it boils down too) - will you be happy if she turns round in five years time and blames you for holding her career back..... or blames you for basically turning her into somebody she doesn't want to be.

How would you feel in 5 years time if she had progressed to a much more senior role ? Possibly earning twice as much as you ?

 

[AJK]

We used to both do the same job though, and this was exactly the case. I just worked smarter and more efficiently. I still do the same job, and there has never been a question about the work I'm doing. My reviews with my boss are always positive and my customers are happy. That's why I said the above...

You worked "smarter and more efficiently" (ie. your partner is dense and inefficient), or you took on less work and managed your boss? Two different situations. One is struggling to stay afloat, and the other is possibly a self-confidence and/or assertiveness issue that could, if she is willing, be worked on.

You also say that she wants to progress but has no plan in place to do so - is this your opinion, or has she discussed this with you? In many jobs, working hard is a path to progression in itself. Perhaps she's hoping to get noticed, or is too afraid to appear like she's doing less work than others in the office. How does her workload compare to others in similar roles?