Best man request.. not sure I'm up to it.

Give yourself something else to worry about. Bareback the bride.

In all honnesty though just practise some public speaking, know the speech inside out. It doesn't have to be long. Keep it short and sweet and everybody can get back to stuffing their faces with cake and drinking.
 
My nephew who now lives in New York asked me to be his best man. Why I don't know. I just told him that I think his best mate would be better for it, not some miserable old git that nobody knows.
 
Bigsy said:
I'm still nervous and feel a bit sick before hand but I have demo'ed software to smallish groups of people, say 15, but the focus is the software and I'm relying information plus I'm confident in how well I can code. But for the focus to be me and how well I speak in public and for the number of people to increase 15 fold... this is where I wonder if I could manage the stress or not. I also know the people I'm demoing to, I will only know a handful at the wedding.

As getting smashed....my fear is that its remembered for the wrong reasons and drinking before hand is only likely to increase the risk of that I feel.
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personally my feeling is you've got nothing to worry about.

But thats me. I stood up in front of a packed church of 100 + people to speak about my mum at her funeral which every single member of my family was adament i shouldnt do because i would be too emotional. But i wrote it all before hand, and just got up and read and ignored the people in front of me.

I've been to a few weddings, and the best man's speech is always pretty poor. Usually not very clear, lots of mumbling, staring at the floor and shuffling etc.. no eye contact. But it doesnt matter, they arent public speakers and nobody expects any better. Half of the guests will be people that know the best man anyway. Heck i even went to one where the best man didnt speak at all because it was a small wedding.

But if this is really stressing you out, you need to speak to him and discuss your fears. If he's your best mate, he'll understand your anxiety.
 
If you do accept, please keep the speech shorter than 26 minutes.

A friends wedding last summer with the best man's speech taking 26 minutes and 32 seconds screwed up everyones sweepstakes and lead to self harming of numerous people.
 
One thing to bear in mind is that wedding speeches are pretty much the easiest crowds in the world to deliver to. They will laugh at even the most contrived, cheesy or downright awful jokes; even the people that don't know you will be on your side as you are the best man supporting the bride and groom who they will have an association with.

It's not like a normal presentation where if you make a mistake it could do any damage (well... short of bringing up the time the groom got off with his new sister-in-law), people will remember the good lines you chucked in and not a jittery start or awkward pause.

I was a bit nervous about my wedding speech, but it went so much better than I'd anticipated. People laughed in the right places, I gave an anecdote about our first date (as fate would have it Arsenal played Man Utd on the day of my wedding, as they did on our first date) that went down very well and used up a bit of time. It was actually a very uplifting experience and totally different from the usual public speaking to large groups with feelings of nausea etc.

My advice would be to accept the offer and just plan the speech properly (i.e. take the usual geek approach of compensating for a lack of charismatic composure by doing lots of preparation). You don't need to be excessively quick-witted, you've got all your jokes lined up. Nobody is going to be asking questions, heckling, or wondering when the next act is coming on.

You could even work some of these thoughts into your speech - proactively mention how nervous you were about being asked to stand up in front of all those people, maybe make some lame joke about how you were advised to picture everyone naked, but having been in the changing rooms with the groom before you decided you'd rather not - you know the drill. People will laugh and you will naturally feel more at ease having 'outed' your fears to them all.
 
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m8 you must overcome and confront your fear of public speaking. Have some practice be loud and have a clear voice. Don't look down keep eye contact look at everyone. Keep a good posture at the speech. I was like you, nervous and somewhat shy, don't be, it will be fun!
 
It's his day not yours, don't be selfish and make it revolve around you......do you duty and man up.

It will be one of the most satisfying things you do in your life and a memory you will have forever.
 
I was in a similar position. I was the best man for my mate a month ago. When i was originally asked 6months ago to be the best man i felt very honoured that i'd been asked. Then the nerves kicked in with regards to public speaking...(i've never done it before!)

I wrote my speech a few days before the wedding and was ready (or so i thought!). At the actual wedding once the deed was done, the minister started cracking some jokes and funny stories...THAT JUST SO HAPPENED TO BE IN MY BEST MAN SPEECH which i obviously hadn't done yet! I was slowly dieing inside! Several hours laters, after all the photos we got to the restaurant for the reception. I'd dropped by my hotel and asked the guy behind the bar to fill my hip flask with however much whiskey he could get in! That definately helped lube my voice and nerves nicely :D

The groom said his piece (again without knowing stole some more of my speech, between him and the minister they'd left my speech in tatters!). So now its my turn...i stand up and give everyone a pre speech apology regarding the minister and groom stealing the comedy material, turned it into a joke and that set the tone for the rest of the speech. It went well and quite honestly the best day of my life.

You'll be fine!
 
Do it, I was like you, its nerve racking but its worth the stress,once you do the speech you are like the king don, after the bride and groom you are the next most important person there.
 
HangTime said:
One thing to bear in mind is that wedding speeches are pretty much the easiest crowds in the world to deliver to. They will laugh at even the most contrived, cheesy or downright awful jokes; even the people that don't know you will be on your side as you are the best man supporting the bride and groom who they will have an association with.
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Exactly.


The groom said his piece (again without knowing stole some more of my speech, between him and the minister they'd left my speech in tatters!). So now its my turn...i stand up and give everyone a pre speech apology regarding the minister and groom stealing the comedy material, turned it into a joke and that set the tone for the rest of the speech. It went well and quite honestly the best day of my life.
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Same thing in my speech, used a few of the comedy lines at the ceremony so I just brought it up again and it got some crackes. Agree with you on the how good the day was, nigh on perfect!

I had to present to a 70% American with some Aussies and us English lot thrown in, and to be frank I was pretty apprehensive. Speech was thought about a lot whilst we were in LA and I wrote it in the hot tub about 1am on the night before the wedding.

Thankfully it all went like a dream and a few little things I didn't even plan for came out to be the talking points of the speech. Sometimes moments of inspiration do just come to you and on such a happy day like this after a few drinkies, so you shouldnt care anyway!

Lets just say that it involved a cigar incident from the stag night and me explaining his first ever smoke as like sucking his mothers nipple. Wasn't in the speech plan but just came out like that and had everyone in histerics. Even the Americans liked it and they can be a tough bunch to please with our sarcasm and weird sense of humour.

My speech was set out a bit like this if you need some inspiration:

1. Greetings, introducing yourself, commenting on the bride then a little mick take of the groom.
2. Thanks to the parents of the bride for putting us up, general thanks and thanks for taking the constant ribbing about us constantly reminding them of the one true football and their sport was a silly 'Throwy Ball'.
3. Stories of the groom, rip into him hard for a while and all his embarrassing moments and how he was a loser until he found the bride etc etc..... and we thought he was gay until the day of the marriage (give examples).
4. Bring him up a bit and mention other people if required.
5. Some more ribbing whilst leading up to.....
6. All seriousness and massive congratulations, rasing your glasses to toast the birde+groom etc.
7. Relax, you're done.


Stag do for us was different as it was in California so pretty hard for me to plan over here. But the guys over there helped us out massively and it went like a dream!

And relax !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't worry, everyone will be in great spirits and will laugh at you, as long as you DON'T take stupid jokes off the internet and shuffle around like an emo rabbit.

Good luck.
 
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Go for it, I was asked my best mate last year and did it in April. Like you I was worried about the public speaking part, I prepared the speech as early as I possibly could and rehearsed it a lot.

My main problem was that I had no idea on the structure of the speech, I had plenty to give him stick about, reading around the internet there seemed to be different ways of doing this, I also didn't want it to be full of cheesy best man jokes that everyone has heard a million times. Like "I was asked to sing his phrases, but I can't sing and I won't lie" etc etc

I found this site, with lots of examples on:

http://www.hitched.co.uk/speeches/samples/samplespeechhome.aspx

Reading through them, it gave me the structure I was after and some examples of how to start the speech, finish with a toast etc.

Hope that helps a bit, just have a few beers before and you'll be fine once you get a laugh in early.
 
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