Best man speeches

mine wasnt too bad fortunately i was half cut so that calmed my nerves. I used some stuff from the net and put some stuf myself. I opened with the Fornication joke and it went down well. :D
 
A successful speech is part delivery, part content. With bad content you will not make a good speech. You can make a good speech with poor content. With poor delivery you will not make a good speech, no matter how good the content is.

As far as content goes... learn what must be in a best man speech - do this by reading 5 or 10 best man speeches online. Be careful to reach British ones if you can, American ones have a different feel to them.

If there's any jokes you particularly like steal them. I've never heard a best man speech that's completely original :)

Put some of your own jokes in there. People love to hear about how the groom was when he was young, at school, before he met his fiancee etc. Stick something in about the stag night.

People like bad jokes too.... dependent on delivery... which is next.

The most important part is how you deliver the speech.

You can read plenty about public speaking online, but there's no real art to it. Just make sure you involve the audience (eye contact etc). Above all be confident though. There is a bit of chicken and egg. Your speech won't be good if you're not confident, your speech will be good if you are confident. You need to pull a bit of a "jedi mind trick" on yourself and convince yourself that the speech will be good.... and it will be good. It worked for me!
 
I did one about two years ago. Basically I trolled for other best man speeches to find out what was expected, then just concocted something. I can probably dig it out if you like.

...Not that it did any good. 2 years later they're separated and filing for divorce.



edit: found it. Just skimmed through it and it's absolutely terrible :o I remember thinking it was okay at the time as well... Amazing how much we can develop in just two years. Anyway:

Bride and Groom, Ladies and Gentlemen... every now and again we have the opportunity to talk about a man of the highest integrity and honour - a man of achievement and action with a penetrating intellect, and who is obviously destined for great things. But today, unfortunately, I will be talking about Scott.

For those of you who don’t know me, my name is David. And for those of you that do... well I apologise.
Now, my main job here, today, is to demolish the character of the groom. Thankfully, Scott makes this a very easy job indeed...



I've had the... err... 'privilege' of knowing Scott since he was little more than a rugrat.

To say he was a little terror back then would be an understatement...


Coming up through primary school Scott was well known as a troublemaker - and not just in the classroom. The parents of virtually all his friends had banned their sons them from hanging around with him outside of school, mainly just because of the sheer volume of trouble they got into. Now, it's probably best not to dwell on the distant past - After all I don't want to run the risk of giving his Mum a heart attack - but I'll just mention one or two things that stick out in my mind:


* Writing our names in fire on his Mum's mirrors, courtesy of a bottle of hairspray and a lighter...

* Posting 'special presents' through local letterboxes...

* Scott setting his Dad's car on fire when he was about 5

* And, of course, endless hours of fun in the back garden, using a makeshift catapault to launch anything soft and sticky that we could find against next door's greenhouse.

He even got banned from his own primary school leaver's party for mooning at the cycling proficiency teacher.



Of course, as time goes on and small minds develop, we all grow up in some way or other - and Scott was no different.

By the time he headed off to Secondary School, Scott had developed an acute understanding of what was acceptable and what wasn't, when in School - knowledge which he used to cause his teachers distress and shock in ever more subtle and unexpected ways. Perhaps the best example of this is his writing of a quite brilliant fictional story about a guy named Gerald, for an English assignment. Now, I won't go into detail about it (and you can ask Scott later if you really want to know), but the bottom line is that he was suspended from School for a week, and it was suggested that he might see a child psychologist.

Never one to follow the herd - entertainment during days of boredom was, at least, original. No hanging around food courts in shopping centres, or terrorising old ladies in the park - oh no. With Scott it was, say, chasing after cars in his underwear, or sitting on a public bench for hours, drinking cups of tea and wearing stupid hats. If all else failed, a couple of hours of mooning at passers by out of his bedroom window would always pass the time.


Those of you that know Scott will probably know he likes a drink or two. Now, these days Scott prides himself on being able to out-drink just about anyone, whatever their size. But it wasn't always so. I distinctly remember having to virtually carry him 3 miles back from Ulley after he passed out in his own vomit on the front step of a friend's house. We'd spent 3 hours looking for the place, and within an hour of finally getting there Scott was unable to walk or speak properly. Turns out some fool had let him in a room with a selection of unattended spirits. Scott quickly grabbed himself a pint glass, and the rest is history.

Moving on a few years, one of the most memorable 6 months of my life was spent living with Scott, As, and Dave in a house in Ulley - all of us unemployed at that time. Miles from the nearest shop but right next door to a pub selling beer for £1.26 a pint, life was good. Now, Scott's only real concern in life at this time was avoiding the phone calls from various debt collectors. Eventually realising something had to be done, Scott put his usual 'out of the box' ingenuity to good use, and managed to persuade the various debt agencies that he was, in fact, his own brother, and that 'Scott' had moved to Australia.

And then he met Ruth. Somehow she managed to do what I never thought would be possible, and turned him into something resembling a rational human being. So, on behalf of the rest of humanity I guess I should thank you!

In all seriousness though, Ruth; you make Scott very happy (and I can tell, no matter how hard he may try to hide it). The two of you are perfectly suited for each other, and I'm sure you'll continue to make each other happy for years to come.

Before I leave you all to get on with the important job of getting ****** up, I'd first just like to thank everyone for coming and making this event so memorable - particularly those of you who have travelled down from Sheffield and beyond - thank you. I'd also like to give a special thank you to the ushers who have made my life much easier today... and of course to the trio of beautiful bridesmaids who have worked so hard in both keeping Ruth from insanity, and ensuring she shows off her sublime natural beauty to the best possible effect. Many thanks to you all...

So, to conclude, if everyone would like to join me in a final toast to the new Mr and Mrs *******:
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That looks like it was an ok speech. Why do you not like it now?

Also, roughly how long did that speech last? It seems to be longer than the usual examples you see floating around on the net.
 
A "mate" of mine was so worried about being best man, he sought "Dutch Courage" , got very very hammered, started his speech by being sick over the Brides Mother and then proceeded to tell her what a **** she was! :eek::eek::eek: :D:D:D
 
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leaskovski said:
That looks like it was an ok speech. Why do you not like it now?

Also, roughly how long did that speech last? It seems to be longer than the usual examples you see floating around on the net.
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It just seems so cheesy and cliche'd... I don't know. I was cringing while I read it back.

As for how long it took, I don't rightly remember. Not too long, I think. Certainly it was a hell of a lot shorter than the father of the bride's speech, which dribbled on for about 45 mins.
 
Oh god, I'm joint best man with a mate, we both have to do speeches, I am crapping myself!

For some reason my friend wants to do his in a christopher walken accent.... and he's actually very good at it.
 
roysters said:
For some reason my friend wants to do his in a christopher walken accent.... and he's actually very good at it.
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I am sure I wouldn't be the only one that wouldn't know what ChristopherWEalken sounded like ( or who he was for that matter ) so I would give that a miss
 
I haven't even been asked to do a best man speech yet - me n all my mates are pretty young to be thinking about marriage- but reading this has proper made me paranoid lol. Hopefully i won't have to be a best man anytime soon.
 
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