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Much of the memory that Windows 7 holds onto can be released but it is held for a reason. If Windows has to constantly release memory and take it back later then that's having an impact on performance, whether that's for the system in general or for the application demanding it. I have 12GB of RAM and when playing games like Metro 2033 and Crysis 2 I can see total memory usage of around 6-7.5GB. However, I haven't noticed any obvious improvement in performance since upgrading from 4GB of RAM.BF3 does not use 5gb.
Even if you have 1TB of ram in your PC, windows 7 will still 'use' it all, it just reserves it.
To see how much ram bf3 is using, just look at the bf3 process.
It really doesn't cost much to upgrade to 8GB of RAM and it will lead to improvements in system performance, even if it doesn't increase your framerate in games. If you've got a half-decent gaming system it doesn't make sense to skimp on memory when the investment is a fraction of what a GPU or CPU cost.
What I find strange is that games aren't shipping with 64-bit executables. If you have 8-16GB of RAM in a system then why not just fill it full of game assets if you can knock a few seconds off load times or reduce stutters from swapping out assets to VRAM? I mean, 41% of systems on Steam are running Win7 64-bit so you're talking about something that affects a very large percentage of users. I know consoles don't have much memory but is the coding that heavily console biased that increasing memory usage won't improve performance?