Big Red Button

strange question.

There are days and times I think jeez how tough are things, I wish i was ..... somthing or other...... but pushing the button to end it all? i dont know... probably not.

Im in a well paid and well respected position at work, I could not better myself for my age and have been in my job over 3 years, last week I had enough and was ready to jack.... i purposly wrote my notice out and saved it in my drafts email, and read it back 24 hours later. my decision was 100% different.

always think things through
 
The pain I would feel wasn't a factor in my decisions at all. What is pain if you already think you're at rock bottom anyway, you just want the ending.

The two factors I was concerned about were the anxiety of not being 'successful' in the attempt, prolonging the problem and becoming a burden, and that I couldn't bring myself to project my own misery onto someone else (train/car/truck driver, etc.) and potentially ruin their life to provide an escape for mine. I wouldn't say I'm a generally selfless person at all, pretty shallow really, but at that moment there were only others to consider / think about.

I wasn't there long enough before I 'got over myself' to solve my problems/issues (the walk back from where I was meant my only immediate form of suicide available would have been to step out in front of traffic, so toasters in bath tubs or train tracks and such weren't an option).

So yeah, the button would have been great in a sense, and I believe I would have become firm in my resolution to use it (even though it wouldn't have been near to hand at the time, I would have been sold on the plan with my doubts erased). This is assuming I wasn't just fishing for excuses not to go through with it in the first place subconsciously, in which case I may have replaced it with other excuses - who can say for sure, I just don't think that would have been the case.
 
After suffering acute depression for most of my life the only thing that stopped me from ending it at times in the past was having a friend whos dad commit scuicide when I was a young teen. What it did to their family was terrible. The friend followed suit in his late 20's as well :( killing him self that is.
 
Despite suffering from depression and really thinking about ending it all, I can say for sure I'd still be alive today. I have too strong a conscience and I know (knew.. I'm fine these days) what the effect on my family would be. Doesn't really matter how depressed or hopeless I might feel but that'll always stop me. Things might change if my family and friends all died in freak accidents but I'm not too worried about that happening.

EDIT: this is a cheery thread :D
 
I have a Red button in my "home", its to be pressed in the event of an emergency - a hijack for example....
P1010175.jpg

As I have pressed it in the past, then in answer to the OP, I can only guess I'd be dead! :o:D
 
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