This actually happened. I know, because I went to see him in hospital. Fortunately he was not that badly hurt but he was the proud owner of quite a few stitches
A friend of my brother's who we shall call Liam (which is in fact his real name
) was asleep in bed with his wifey on a dark night. He was awoken by a gentle shake from the missus and the immortal words "I can hear a noise outside, maybe we've got burglars", along with the clutching of the duvet to hide the busty parts (why do they do that. We've seen 'em before haven't we?). Anyway, I digress. An important point to note is that they both sleep in the nude.
To please the wife, and hopefully to be able to relapse into the gentle arms of morpheus quickly, as he was on shifts, he got up and padded downstairs to have a look through the lounge window into his garden where the security light was on. He leaned against the armchair that was in front of the dormer window in order to get a clear view of his front garden.
Perhaps we really HAVE got burglars he thought to himself as he leaned further forward on the chair.
They are the owners of a beautiful Golden Retriever called Bonnie. She is old and quite deaf although healthy and daft as a brush.
Unbeknownst to Liam, she had quietly awoken and come to see what her master was doing in the lounge. As Liam leant forward, she stuck her cold wet nose into the crack of his arse. The inevitable happened.
His wife ran downstairs having heard a scream, to see Bonnie standing on the armchair looking out of a smashed window, and her husband Liam writhing about completely naked, groaning and bleeding in a heap amongst broken glass on their front lawn.
Tha ambulance men had a damn good laugh about it
