can someoen have a look at this for me

johnloo

johnloo

johnloo

Associate
Associate
Joined
26 Jun 2016
Posts
293
I had a response, they suggested I didnt have online customer support experience, this is an email is a response to that.

Dear xxxxx

Thank you for your email. Regarding the hands on experience with online customer support, I have over 10 years of online remote customer support as the majority of my positions were IT based for financial institutions, sometimes using proprietary online web portals such as IBM 2.2 web portal, using e-mail, live chat to telephone calls and regular mail correspondence, even corresponding with non English speaking clients using my Portuguese and Spanish.

My education in Mathematical Finance combined with my work history makes me a perfect candidate for your night time team.

The reasons I’m applying for the late night customer service position, I enjoy communicating with clients and finding solutions for their problems, I'm about to start my CFA and RSS Statistics course this fall and my disability, OCD, makes traveling on public underground difficult, I seek employment positions that allow me to work from home, or allow me to travel on the underground at off peak hours. I hope you would reconsider you position and offer me an interview.

Regards,

How would i reword the bold section regarding my disability?


Changed from the above to this,

Dear XXXXX,

Thank you for your email. Regarding the hands on experience with online customer support, I have over 10 years of online remote customer support. The majority of my positions were IT based for financial institutions, sometimes using proprietary online web portals such as IBM 2.2 web portal, using e-mail, live chat to telephone calls and regular mail correspondence, even corresponding with South American clients using my Portuguese & Spanish.

The reasons I’m applying for the late night customer service position, I enjoy communicating with clients and finding solutions for their problems. I am also about to start my CFA and RSS Statistics course this fall to increase my skills set. My education in Mathematical Finance combined with my work history makes me a perfect candidate for your night time team.

I have a disability which makes travelling on public underground difficult. Rather than let this stop me from progressing my career, I am seeking positions that allow me to work from home or to travel outside peak hours.
I ask if you would reconsider your original position and allow me an interview as I believe I can be a successful addition to your company.

Regards,
 
Last edited:
I would consider re-wording the last paragraph. I know you are just trying to be up front and honest but as somebody that sees CV's and cover letters all the time that last paragraph will likely hurt your application.
 
johnloo said:
and regular mail correspondence even corresponding with non English speaking clients using my foreign languages.
Click to expand...

Just me this bit doesn't sound right to?

Unless it's a huge list I'd replace "my foreign languages" with the second languages you know.

"And regular mail correspondence with non-English speaking clients in (language),(language)."
 
Thank you for your email, regarding the hand on experience with online customer support, I have over 10 years of online remote customer support as the majority of my positions were IT based for financial institutions, sometimes using proprietary online web portals such as IBM 2.2 web portal, using e-mail, live chat to telephone calls and regular mail correspondence even corresponding with non English speaking clients using my foreign languages.
Click to expand...


Thank you for your email. <- Fullstop.

I can't be bothered to read the rest, but that is an important bit of grammar right there.
 
Vince said:
I would consider re-wording the last paragraph. I know you are just trying to be up front and honest but as somebody that sees CV's and cover letters all the time that last paragraph will likely hurt your application.
Click to expand...

How would you put it, I'm also about to do a RSS Higher cert or the Graduate Diploma in statistics and my CFAII. the job position is 3 day a week.
 
The reasons I’m applying for the late night customer service position, I enjoy communicating with clients and finding solutions for their problems, I'm about to start my CFA and RSS Statistics course this fall and my disability, OCD, makes traveling on public underground difficult, I seek employment positions that allow me to work from home, or allow me to travel on the underground at off peak hours. I hope you would reconsider you position and offer me an interview.
Click to expand...

I’m applying for the late night customer service position as I enjoy communicating with clients and finding solutions for their problems.

I have a disability which makes traveling on public underground difficult. Rather than let this stop me from progressing my career, I am seeking positions that allow me to work from home or to travel outside peak hours. I am also about to start my CFA and RSS Statistics course this fall to increase my skillset.

I ask if you would reconsider your original position and allow me an interview as I believe I can be a successful addition to your company.
 
I think you're better off spending your time on other job applications instead of chasing a vacancy you've already been rejected for but....

johnloo said:
Thank you for your email, regarding the hands on experience with online customer support, I have over 10 years of online remote customer support. The majority of my positions were IT based for financial institutions, sometimes using proprietary online web portals such as IBM 2.2 web portal, using e-mail, live chat to telephone calls and regular mail correspondence, even corresponding with South American clients using my Portuguese & Spanish.
Click to expand...

Seems alright aside from perhaps the comma needing to be replaced with a full stop (mentioned above).

The reasons I’m applying for the late night customer service position, I enjoy communicating with clients and finding solutions for their problems.
Click to expand...

I'd rephrase that, perhaps by removing the comma and inserting 'are because' or removing 'The reasons' and adding 'because' in place of the comma.

I am also about to start my CFA and RSS Statistics course this fall to increase my skills set.
Click to expand...

Skill set not 'skills set' and replace 'fall' with 'autumn' unless the company is in the US. I'd just say you've started studying for the CFA and RSS exams (aren't those being phased out next year?)

My Education in Mathematical Finance combined with my work history makes me a perfect candidate for your night time team.
Click to expand...

Remove the capital 'E' from education, what education are you referring to? If you've got an MSc then perhaps worth highlighting there. Personally I'd put 'good' candidate rather than 'perfect'.

I have a disability which makes travelling on public underground difficult. Rather than let this stop me from progressing my career, I am seeking positions that allow me to work from home or to travel outside peak hours.
I ask if you would reconsider your original position and allow me an interview as I believe I can be a successful addition to your company.
Click to expand...

Does the job involve working from home? If not then why mention it? You're simply seeking positions that allow you to work outside peak hours.
 
Why did you fail to mention your previous online customer support experience in your initial application / CV ?
Recruitment manager wise it shows you didn't research the company or the job properly first, next please.
 
The disability card could work both ways too tbh... On one hand, at a large company, they might have a policy of guaranteeing interviews to people with disabilities, ethnic minorities etc.. On the other hand, highlighting that you have issues with catching the tube when there are too many people around is going to raise some eyebrows when you're going for a client facing position.
 
lude1962 said:
Why did you fail to mention your previous online customer support experience in your initial application / CV ?
Recruitment manager wise it shows you didn't research the company or the job properly first, next please.
Click to expand...

It is there on my CV which is why I'm baffled about it.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom