apologies for the length.
How to give a cat a pill
1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.
position right fore finger and thumb on either side of the cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheek while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind the sofa. cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Kneel on the floor with cat wedged between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growl emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth, drop pill down ruler and rub cats throat vigorously.
5.Retrieve cat from the curtain rail. wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie cat with its head just visible from armpit. Put pill in the end of a drinking straw, force cats mouth open with a pencil and blow down drinking straw.
6. check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take away taste. Apply bandage to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet.
7. Tie cats front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour pint of water down throat to wash pill down.
8. Get spouse to drive you to hospital, sit quietly while doctor stitches finger and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye.
9. arrange for RSPCA to collect cat.
