Clients From Hell

I wish a was a web developer rather than a web designer. Much better working on stuff the client never lays his/hers damned eyes on.

As l always say clients are like Hollywood; most of the time they will find the way to screw things up.


but designers cause developers nightmares. its swings and roundabouts :)

especially when you have the designer and the client ****** things up :)
 
People can be dumb about all kinds of things. Try working in tech support.

Me :- Hi you are through to ... tech support my name is ... How can I help etc

Client :- I would like you to send me an engineer to my house.

Me :- I am sorry before I can send an engineer out I have to check an engineer is needed. I may be able to solve your problem over the phone. Can you tell me what your problem is?

Client :- My Hoover is not working.

Me :- I am sorry did you say your Hoover is not working?

Client :- Yes.

Me :- You do know you have called your internet company?

Client :- Yes. I am not stupid you know.

Me :- (thinks I am doubting you on that). Well as we are your internet company we are not responsible for your Hoover. You will need to contact whoever you bought the Hoover from.

Client :- Well your company broke it.

Me :- (Stupidly thinks she means somehow the install engineer has somehow damaged the Hoover when he done the cable installation). So I say can you explain a bit more. How was the Hoover broken?

Client :- Well it is not really broken.

Me :- I am a bit confused now if the Hoover is not broken what is wrong?

Client :- Well your cable modem is taking all my electricity in the house so the Hoover is not able to get any electricity to work.

Me :- (trying to explain things as simply as I can) No that is not possible the cable modem uses very little electricity. Your Hoover has a problem and this is why it is not working.

Client :- Well it only started after the cable modem was installed 2 days ago.

Me :- Unfortunately it is just a coincidence. Electrical equipment can break at any time. It is just a coincidence your Hoover broke around the time the cable modem was installed.

Client :- No you are wrong. Your cable modem is taking all my electricity and stopping my Hoover from working.

Me :- (trying to think on my feet) Ok has anything else electrical stopped working? For example is your TV still working?

Client :- Yes

Me :- Are all you lights still working?

Client :- Yes

Me :- Is your kettle still working?

Client :- Yes.

Me :- See if the cable modem was taking all your electricity then other electrical things would have stopped working. It is just a coincidence your Hoover stopped working after the cable modem was installed.

Client :- No you are wrong. Your cable modem is stopping my Hoover from working because it is taking all the electricity.

Me :- (exasperated) Ok can you explain to me how the cable modem is taking all the electricity and stopping your Hoover from working?

Client :- Listen STUPID I am not an electrician (go away you don't say). I don't know how your cable modem is taking all the electricity and stopping my Hoover from working I just know it is.

Me : - Thinks you are calling me stupid?

Now all our managers were not technical. However in this case it did not matter. As it was not a technical issue you could pass the call onto them to deal with and get onto dealing with the next idiot I mean client. Naturally I gladly done so.

Looking back I should have asked her to switch the cable modem off and then try the Hoover again. However knowing how dumb she was this still would have not appeased her.

I am sooooooooo glad I no longer work in tech support. That was just one of many examples of stupidity I could give.

Couple of quick ones


Me :- Just close any open windows a moment.

Me :- Waits a couple of minutes

Client :- I have just closed the bathroom window but I don't see how that will help.



Client :- Before I go can you give me the number for customer services?

Me :- Yes. It is 170.

Client :- Can you wait a minute while I get a pen and paper to write that down?

Me :- Thinks will you really forget 170 before you get to wherever the pen and paper is?
 
but designers cause developers nightmares. its swings and roundabouts :)

especially when you have the designer and the client ****** things up :)
Well, here's a new site idea for you to retire on: Designers From Hell :D

On a related note, here's a blog post responding to CFH that I have to agree with, even as a designer.
 
I don't see how a designer could cause a developer any issues. At the end of the day all xhtml, css, flash will be done by the designer leaving the developer to discuss any features (functionality) with the client. Doing stuff in such a way doesn't allow the designer to complicate the things more for the developer.
 
[...] At the end of the day all xhtml, css, flash will be done by the designer [...]
Good, responsible web designers maybe... but I'd say there are more than enough of the other sort of designer to make a Devwhinge site successful ;)

[Though don't get me started on the whole 'Flash is a tool for designers' thing!]
 
I think my current employer probably appears more than once in that "Clients from Hell" list! But then again we have worked with a design agency who produced probably the worst concept for a functional web page that I've ever seen someone try to charge for.

Two sides of the coin!
 
Its surprising how many of those quotes are from people not willing to pay and others saying "my kids didn't like it". Oh and "I could do a better job" if you could don't hire someone to do it for you!
 
[Though don't get me started on the whole 'Flash is a tool for designers' thing!]

Normally l wouldn't touch any software conceived by Macromedia with a 10ft pole. The only thing l do in Flash is edit a bit of actionscript here and there, stuff l can understand since at the end of the day l am not a coder. Adobe, when it comes to Flash, should pay some attention to SwishMax.

I am aware that Flash is the more "professional" way of doing things but 95% of the time you can get the same results with Swishmax at a fraction of the time it would take in Flash. The bottom line is that Macromedia had the tendency of over-complicating things.
 
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