Crap jokes that people think are funny

[Pinter75]

Why are pirates scary?


Because they Arrrrrrr!

That does not count, cos it is genuinely funny

 

[Droolinggimp]

Two nuns in a bath, one says "where's the soap" the other says "yes it does doesn't it"

I dont get it.

 

[Dunks]

I dont get it.

I honestly don't, and have never got it

 

[Zip]

Saw this a few seconds ago.

Its not a joke but it made me lol

"etch-a-sketch" - twiddling your GF's nipples in an attempt to draw a smile on her face

 

[knip]

I honestly don't, and have never got it

Think about it as a play on words
wheres the soap
Wears the soap.

Geddit yet?

 

[Dunks]

Think about it as a play on words
wheres the soap
Wears the soap.

Geddit yet?

I think so

 

[Millwall.FC]

Think about it as a play on words
wheres the soap
Wears the soap.

Geddit yet?

i dont.

 

[BennyC]

one a friend found hilarious, she had been drinking a lot, another crisp joke...

two crisps are walking down the street.
A man pulls up in a car and asks 'would you like a lift?'
the crisps reply with 'no thanks we're walkers'

I immediatley called a taxi for her

 

[knip]

i dont.

ok I shall completely rephrase it, (cos you are from Millwall after all )
"Where is the soap?"
This soap wears a bit doesnt it?"
(psst its where the soap might be going that might wear it out)

 

[Scuzi]

i dont.

THE OTHER NUN IS PUTTING THE SOAP UP HER WHOOPSEE AND IS WEARING IT DOWN. THE FIRST NUN ENQUIRED AS TO THE WHEREABOUTS OF THE SOAP AND THE SECOND NUN WHO WAS PLAYING WITH THE SOAP, THOUGHT THE FIRST NUN WAS COMMENTING ON HOW HER ACTIVITY WAS WEARING DOWN THE SOAP.

 

[Millwall.FC]

ok I shall completely rephrase it, (cos you are from Millwall after all )
"Where is the soap?"
This soap wears a bit doesnt it?"
(psst its where the soap might be going that might wear it out)

i got it now

 

[Docaroo]

I honestly don't, and have never got it

It is a pun - you are led to believe that the nun's are PLEASURING THEMSELVES OR EACH OTHER WITH THE SOAP!! I.e it wear's down the soap..

"Wears the soap.." "..yes it does, doesn't it!"

Finally the secret to that joke is unlocked forever!!

 

[Docaroo]

DAMN

damn youuuu scuzi you ninja'd meee!

 

[A[L]C]

THE OTHER NUN IS PUTTING THE SOAP UP HER WHOOPSEE AND IS WEARING IT DOWN. THE FIRST NUN ENQUIRED AS TO THE WHEREABOUTS OF THE SOAP AND THE SECOND NUN WHO WAS PLAYING WITH THE SOAP, THOUGHT THE FIRST NUN WAS COMMENTING ON HOW HER ACTIVITY WAS WEARING DOWN THE SOAP.

whats a whoopsee

 

[Scuzi]

whats a whoopsee

Her ear. What do you think?

 

[Bes]

That nun joke is genuinely terribe though- worst joke ever.

 

[G|mp]

whats a whoopsee

Steven Gerrard

 

[semi-pro waster]

not a joke but a rhyme my mum told me that made me chortle:

one dark day in the middle of the night,
two dead men got up to fight,
back to back they faced each other,
drew their swords and shot each other.

most people find it carp though

Another longer version here and I think the "one fine day" part works a bit better in terms of the spirit of the rhyme:

One fine day in the middle of the night,
Two dead men got up to fight,
Back to back they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other,

One was blind and the other couldn't, see
So they chose a dummy for a referee.
A blind man went to see fair play,
A dumb man went to shout "hooray!"

A paralysed donkey passing by,
Kicked the blind man in the eye,
Knocked him through a nine inch wall,
Into a dry ditch and drowned them all,

A deaf policeman heard the noise,
And came to arrest the two dead boys,
If you don't believe this story’s true,
Ask the blind man he saw it too!

 

[JohnnyG]

That nun joke is genuinely terribe though- worst joke ever.

Two monkeys in a bath, one monkey says "where's the soap?" the other monkey says "no soap radio"

 

[Ricochet J]

Some Terrible Jokes



How many ears does Captain Picard have?

The left ear. The right ear. And the final front ear



What do you call Postman Pat after he's lost his job?

Pat