Dear UPS,
Thanks for letting me take time off for nothing. Thanks for taking the one single solitary thing you are responsible for, and ****ing it up so much that not even Alistair Darling can match your levels of incompetence. I honestly don't know how you lot manage to stay afloat.
In the highly unlikely event that you do actually give a ****, this is my story:
I was expecting a parcel. The parcel never turned up. In fact your driver never even rang the buzzer. You know how I know this? Because I was there. In the house. All day long. Not just parts of the day, the whole day. In fact, I actually woke up in that house, and I went to sleep in that house. I didn't leave the house, I wasn't throwing a party which would mean I couldn't hear the buzzer, I was just relaxing, doing some housework, in my house. Which isn''t very large, I might add. I could probably hear my front door buzzer from my neighbour's house, that's how loud it is. I don't know how your driver manages to ring the buzzer without me hearing it, if someone else rings the buzzer, I **** myself, it's not a little mouse squeaking, it's akin to a ship's horn, in an open plan apartment.
But, alas, I didn't hear the buzzer on the day I was expecting the package to arrive. A package, which might I add, contains a Christmas gift. Instead, once the day was over and I had come to terms with the fact that this is the annual ritual of having to deal with you morons, and went to check my letterbox, and sure enough, there was the card.
The card, which stated that I had to travel about 4 miles away to a little shop to go and collect my parcel, which I paid you to deliver to my front door, yet you couldn't accomplish that most basic task.
Upon arriving at the shop, the lady informs me that my parcel isn't there yet. So I leave, huffing and puffing about how an international company manages to keep their head above water when this is the level of service they provide, and go home.
This was two days ago. Today I finished my night shift and went home. I got up early this afternoon so I could go and collect my parcel, and checked my letterbox on the way out. It would appear that your phantom delivery man has yet again managed to do a card drop & run, except that this time, the parcel is at a different location, as indicated by the lady in the first shop right after she tells me that the first package still hasn't arrived, despite the card being deposited into my letterbox no less than three days ago.
Now obviously I don't expect anything from you, I realise that doing basic tasks like the job you're paid to do might be a daunting prospect but I shall be returning tomorrow to no doubt be told the same thing, that my parcel still hasn't arrived.
Come Christmas morning, when there are gifts missing under the tree thanks to your monumental levels of incompetence I will have to explain why this is the case. Thanks for that.
Oh and Merry ****ing Christmas. It says a lot about a company when I'd rather walk halfway across the country to collect my **** than have to deal with the blithering morons you call "employees".
Yours sincerely,
Diddums
//****ing *****. I honestly hope that their driver has the most miserable xmas of his life.
they didn't even get out of the van to knock