Does my friend have a problem?

Hybrids

Hybrids

Hybrids

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Location
Cymru
To put it simple, he spends all day infront of the computer playing computer games. He has a girlfriend with two kids but won't leave the house not even get a job! His gf is getting worried and emailed me the other day about this.

In the past i've been hooked to games playing for hours and hours everyday but I think this situation is a little different. The only time he leaves the house(computer) is when I can persuade him to come out for a few pints down our local(which is rare) other than that everytime he goes out with his gf he constantly moans, he says he feels sick and just wants to go back to the house! Once he gets home he goes on the computer and feels great. When his gf asks whats the matter he simply replies "I don't know"

Whats the matter with my friend? Does he have a problem? Has anybody here gone through a similar phase? Anyone here study psychology, if so is there a reason for this behavior?

Is there anything I can do to help his situation? I know this guy really well if I confronted him with this he would deny he had a problem and would just say that im panicing over nothing(mayeb I am?).

thanks for any replies,

Hybrids
 
neoboy said:
Is he addicted to a particular game? How old is he anyway?
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He is 22 years old and he used to play two games but in recent months he's just playing one.

The games were ET and WoW. WoW is the game he constantly plays right now.

Hybrids
 
The guy is hooked on WoW like many other people I know, I dunno the solution apart from cold-turkey tbh.
 
Ah good ol'd WoW (I should know I've played so much of it I'm too scared to look at my xfire). However, at the end of the day I just realised that all I was doing was raiding some same instances all night long for some items that then "improved" my character. At the same time my life was really going nowhere and I just realised that I could spend the time elsewhere on some more important pursuits. I would've thought the fact that he's got 2 kids would really occupy him enough. All he's got to realise is that where this obsession is gonna get him is absolutely nowhere. Chances are his girlfriend will just have enough eventually and leave him and since she's not his wife he can totally lose any legal access to kids. Game can wait, it's always there, people aren't though. If I was you I'd just lay the cards straight to him, he can either keep playing the game and risk losing everything in his life or drop his socks and grab his **** (or just tell him some other macho stuff :)).

Now I don't really know your friend but I presume you do? How was he before this obsession or was he always like this except with different games? WoW could be just a manifestation of some other problem he has such as low self esteem and lack of confidence (but I mean he has a girlfriend so he can't be a total mumbling wreck who's scared of people).
 
When I'm at home I play wow a lot but things like work etc have my priority, you've said that you realised the problem, I really don't think my friend will the only way he would stop is for him to get bored of the game but maybe then he would find another?

Before he was with his girlfriend he used to either go out drinking a lot(when he had a job and money) or play ET with his clan. He used to play ET almost the same amount as WoW.

Just to add when I said he had two kids I should have mention that they are not his but they do mean a lot to him.

I believe his gf is getting fed up but she left her home and family 250 miles away to be with him so it would be difficult for her to leave(she considers me as her only friend in the region).

When I get back home(currently in California) I amm planning to have a word with him about it, try and get on his case to get a job(can't see it working..). Hopefully if he gets a job it may break the cycle of his gaming. Although a few weeks ago his computer broke for a couple of days and he told me he got depressed and started having dreams about playing wow etc... Worrying tbh!

Hybrids
 
Parental control tbh ¬_¬

Like I said just tell him that he's throwing away everything he's got at the moment and at the end of the day if he gets sick, hit by a bus, upsets local mafia boss the game isn't gonna be there for him. People will but he continues the way he does, there won't be any people left to care for him. You can also have a word with his girlfriend to tell him how she feels (careful there though, if she leaves him he might go to you with "you turned her against me" talk). Also ask him how is he planning on supporting himself and his girlfriend with kids without a job? At the age of 22 a man should start having responsibilities, I mean I'm no one to tell him how to live his life but keep playing games at such rate at his age is frankly unacceptable. What he should be doing is paying more attention to things that actually matter such as family and kids (well they aren't married but still).
 
Your right, he should be looking for a job to support his gf and kids. His gf recently got a part time job because they were basically out of money. I have mentioned to him in the past about getting a job but he replies with "I will", "i am looking" or more recently "when im ready"

His gf has got application forms for him but he usually says he wouldnt enjoy that type of work. I will encourage his gf to tell him how she feels and when I get home have a nice adult chat with him. Not sure if I can tell him to stop playing computer games as I was the one who got him into it.

Thanks for your replies and thoughts,

Hybrids
 
I was seriously hooked on CS. My gf made me uninstall it. I did. And that was 3 years ago and I haven't played it since.

We have a much better relationship now. We do loads of stuff together, instead of sitting in separate rooms all day.
 
I have found lately that I am playing games less and less simply because I don't want to play them.

I still do on the occassion have a hours blast on Far cry or COD2 but I would much rather spend my time with my Fiancee or friends/family.

I think your friend from the sounds of it really needs to stop playing WOW and foxus on more important things in life. (or at least to a greater extent).

Just out of interest with no job but playing on the computer constantly how could he afford the electricity bill?!
 
sounds like he's being a lazy git tbh, cause she's now doing the work and he gets to play he in his mind probably thinks he wont have to do squat, unless he has some respect and gets a job.
 
there's two options really here:

a) he's a lazy git, who is playing dumb for as long as he can

b) he's insecure, feeling rubbish cos he has no job/is unhappy with something and rather than face up to it he hides in a world where he is either successful or allows him to escape.

Impossible to tell as I don't know the guy (usually hard even if you DO know them) but that would be my guess. Suss out which one it is most likely to be and tell him you're worried. If he's a good friend he'll accept you are trying to help him. If not, it's really up to his gf to make him see she is serious.
 
Possibly starting to enter the first stages of agraphobia if you ask me, its certainly possible. The gaming addiction is likely a different issue but obviously its linked in with the reasons for wanting to stay at home intitially. The longer it goes on the worse it may get.
 
His girlfriend sounds like a complete and utter soft touch, why on earth is she putting up with it?

Any normal person would be giving him ultimatums and kicking his arse into gear quicker than Linford.

Tell her to get a grip and lay down the law!
 
After quiting college my son is howing a similar pattern. I.e. not putting the effort into getting a job, housework etc...playing WoW all day and night.

Seeing as he doesn't have a job and only has so much money left his time is running out and also it is my Internet connection so it wouldn't be a problem even if he did have money.

Me? I can't see the appeal, but I have seen the addictive effect when I was at university.

Hybrids, his GF needs to do what I am doing and that is to pull that blue ethernet cable from the back of his machine and cut it in two.

Force him to confront what is happening...
 
Thats a hard one. As an outsider I'd say his gf needs to get out of there asap. But since he is your friend, your only course of action is to try convince him to sort himself out. He WILL lose her. The signs are there already.
 
kitten_caboodle said:
there's two options really here:

b) he's insecure, feeling rubbish cos he has no job/is unhappy with something and rather than face up to it he hides in a world where he is either successful or allows him to escape.
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That option seems to be the best way to describe it, he tried to stop his gf from getting a job for a while because it made him feel bad.

oweneades said:
Just out of interest with no job but playing on the computer constantly how could he afford the electricity bill?!
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They struggle but I think it comes down to family allowance and benefits like that.

LordSplodge said:
Hybrids, his GF needs to do what I am doing and that is to pull that blue ethernet cable from the back of his machine and cut it in two.

Force him to confront what is happening...
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That is exactly what she should do, but when she takes it out, he will put it back in. If she takes it out again he would simply get mad(no more than mad).

I think that if he's forced to confront whats happening he will either say "yeah your right I'll change" to which he never will but just say it to get me off his back or he will get angry and distance himself more.

From evernones comments I will confront him with other friend and try to be civil and adult as possible.

Hybrids
 
Hybrids said:
Anyone here study psychology, if so is there a reason for this behavior?
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Yes, but never ask a psychologist to label anyone because they are too eager to do it.

You know there is a problem. You know what the problem is. Two questions remain...

1) What is causing it?

Not an easy thing to say on the basis of your description - in fact, it wouldn't be an easy thing to tease from him unless he really, realy trusts you to the point that he would never expect you to use possibly his darkest secret against him

2) Can I change his behaviour? Depends, perhaps once you have the answer to question one you might be a little closer.


Personally, I love the outside world. But its been a long road for me to realise that.
 
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