emails you get from people at work.

[Haggisman]

See, a minute ago I was really calm and happy with the world,
now I want to hunt down all the ****s who say stupid stuff like this and hold their teeth to a grindstone

We have a whiteboard near the entrance which has a "motivational" quote of the week written on it.

Current one is "teamwork makes the dreamwork" complete with little stars around the "dreamwork"

Tempted to come in early and change it to

"If you need a motivational quote to get you through the day, you're probably **** at your job"

 

[Thekwango]

this is a regular thing....phone call from head sales rep to say his office365 password has expired and he can't get into his emails (and he always has that one uber important email he needs access to urgently). he always ends the call with 'I'm going to be in meetings for the rest of the day, can you email me my new password'

yes, yes I can, but you wont be able to get it you ******* moron because you can't get into your email.

every. single. time.....

I have also recently taken to signing off emails with Manky thanks - thankfully only to people I know pretty well

 

[ubersonic]

Yesterday I received the following:

Jumpy, could I these as Dwg as we have Cad our bits onto these as well.

This was from a company director.

Bro, do you even English?

What sort of doublespeak do you lot get, anything worth pointing at and laughing?

Don't worry dude, I'm an idiot, I can translate our language for you:

Jumpy, could I have these as .DWG files please as we have AutoCad and would like to add our bits onto these as well.

 

[Thekwango]

Don't worry dude, I'm an idiot, I can translate our language for you:

you're the one sent him the original email!

 

[Scottland]

someone deals with Indians

interestingly though it isn't just some local variation of the language, it was apparently a term used in Victorian times

It comes from the East India Trading Co. I believe

 

[Pawnless Endgame]

Once had a colleague who just LOVED paper too much. I would email her "can you please ring xxxxxxx because they asked for you by name earlier in the day?" After she's made that call, she would print off my email and place it on my desk with a post-it attached saying "done", despite the fact that she worked in a different office to me! A couple of mouse clicks and writing "done" would have been a tad easier

Another annoying one: "can you outcome this for me?" Using the word outcome as a verb. Really?

 

[matt_fsr]

This, every email I get from our offshore clients (India) always ends with "Please do the needful.."

I thought it was "Kindly do the needful" ?

Either way, I'm so glad to not be dealing with that meaningless guff any more

 

[Whoop]

Who needs office skills in an office....

 

[fatiain]

The worst thing is, for some reason the IT manager here will not talk to us over the desks and will email us!

It's got the point where we were ignoring emails so the manager had to ask us etc. Seems ridiculous to email someone 3 ft away, granted if its official business then yeah email us but just shout over that there is one on its way. Far too weird a setup, its as if talking is frowned upon in this place.

I had a supervisor who used to email me from the terminal directly next to me.

I set my Outlook up so every email he sent me went into the Junk folder. He had to talk to me then

It's a fairly typical inept management knee jerk reaction to a finding...

1. Find problem/discrepancy/receive complaint.
2. Immediately assign blame to someone else to cover ass.
3. Fail to fix problem.

I see you've met my boss?

Yesterday I was sent to another police station to cover in custody. One role we have now is drug testing detainees. There's a *massive* amount of paperwork stored electronically on the custody record (we also have to print reams of the stuff), and we have to book appointments with drug referral workers using their Outlook diary. Because of the crappy IT systems we use, you have to map the network drive to every different terminal you log in to.

I've not been to that station since we started drug testing and therefore had no access to the networked drive (I even lost the mapping at my base station and despite asking a)my supervisor, b) my manager c) the ICT department and d) the drug testing manager, still haven't had the drives remapped to any of the terminals I use) So yesterday, a colleague booked the appointments for me. Within 5 minutes I get a "Why are you booking the appointments so far ahead Iain?". Replied "Because I don't have access to the DTR".

Not 2 minutes later another email from someone else involved in the custody intervention programme "WHATT?!!!!!" (sic, yes one misspelled word and 6 punctuation marks, nothing else), I composed a long, wordy response and attached my full external email signature. 15 minutes later, I had the network drive remapped to the terminal I was on.

 

[Nick1881]

One of the bad things about emails from my boss is, he insists on putting loads of question marks or exclamations. E.g. "Can you reply to the below?????" "Need this done!!!!!"

So annoying.

 

[anything I don't mind]

We get annoyed in IT when secretaries ask IT to put on the out of office of other secretaries. One secretary sends through email all the time asking for out of office to be enabled. last week she requested ooo for her secretary colleague and she was returning the next day, it was 3pm.

 

[dave1983]

it's the acronym's managers use that are just retarded

"wrt"

Or they send you email for an action, then set you a task for the same action. the other managers i hate is one that micromanage.

 

[Strife212]

I get tons of emails and they are always perfectly well formed.


Boring

 

[Boycey0211]

'GLC needs your details asap'

GLC apparently was a person, and one that I don't work with, and they weren't cc'd in.

Cue having to ask an entire shift who or what it was so I could email them back.

 

[Terminal_Boy]

One from this morning, F.F.S.

Kill them, kill them all.

 

[BananaDunka]

My boss puts question marks at the end of pretty much every sentence when he emails... even when making a statement or answering a question. Makes him look like such a moron.

I have a colleague that puts 3, 4 or 5 question marks after most texts or emails. I lol most of the time to get miffed by it though.

I probably lol at most things at work to be fair.

 

[dholdi]

Bro, do you even English?

Mmmm

 

[Rroff]

15 minutes later, I had the network drive remapped to the terminal I was on.

Bit hard to explain but one place I was working certain jobs had data that when entered into the system would cause the the last page of the form to timeout so we had to work around it by adding some additional nonsense data then going into another program to edit it after the first lot had been submitted... several months after it was filed with IT they "fix" it - instead of getting back to us and asking about it they must have remotely monitored me at some point while I was doing it and while they had fixed it the last 2 pages on the original form were setup so that after finally being able to enter the data correctly you were then required to enter the nonsense data in the one before last and then edit it to the correct data on the last page then submit... they'd basically implemented my work around into the normal workflow as well :|

 

[Caged]

I hate email, but not as much as I hate voicemail. I have lots of rules set to keep me distraction-free though. My favourites being the one to remove the priority from all incoming messages, and the one that marks everything I'm only a CC on as read so it doesn't pop up any notifications.

50% of the messages that hit my inbox are deleted as soon as they are read.

 

[GAM8LE]

This, every email I get from our offshore clients (India) always ends with "Please do the needful.."

Ours seems to be "this is ready for actionning, please revert back when done the necessary"