We are a couple of months into our extension but when we were starting out we:
1. Hired an architect who worked with us on the design and initial drawings
2. The Architect then recommended the engineering firm to draft up the technical plans
3. The Architect then submitted the drawings for planning.
4. Once we had planning we went to tender, the Architect drew up a tender document and spreadsheet, we got 7 building firms to quote, only 5 of them came back with quotes, one was madly more expensive than the others, the others were within a 10-15K of each other.
5. We met with each builder on site and went over everything with them, their quotes, the way they work, the schedule we wanted etc.
6. We went around to see other work they had done, and knocked on doors and asked the people how it went with the builders, any problems, would they reccomend them etc.
7. We ended up choosing not the cheapest, but the one who:
a) Had the most recomendations and the architect had worked with before
b) We "clicked" with and who got what we were trying to achieve
c) Wasn't the sort of company that had too many jobs on at the same time
Funnily he wasn't that keen before meeting us, the site we have is not easy to access, and is semi-detached which can cause a lot of headaches, but after meeting on site a couple of times we clicked and so far its been going really well.
The spreadsheed the Architect drew up for the tender was very detailed, and had provisional (if not a little unrealistic) sums for many things such as kitchen, bathroom, flooring etc. But its been really helpful now we have started for our budget and agreeing any changes.
Hope this helps and good luck, don't give up you can get what you want, just keep some contingency and work within your means for your budget.