Ha ha ha awesome thread.
Anyway, on topic - surely for everyone who says they stand, it's a given that they mean with a slight squat to avoid cheek closure and hence residue compression?! Who on earth would do it sitting - ewww. Dunno about you guys but no way I could if I wanted to - nowhere near enough room to get a hand down there, what with my tackle taking up so much space. Having a hairy butt certainly sucks. Sometimes, if the situation is irrecoverable without significant over-use of paper I just jump in the shower.
I'm a sitter and I have never needed to 'jump in the shower' to clean faeces from my ass. You and your like are quite clearly doing it wrong.
This standing idea is ridiculous, just lean forward slightly, and wipe from front the rear. They even said to do this on embarrassing bodies when they went out into the streets and asked people how they wiped their arses.
I am shocked and sickened that some people act in this barbaric and depraved manner, I think all standers should be taken to camps (preferably on an island out to sea) and either taught the correct way to clean themselves after a dump, or killed and burnt to stop their disease from spreading.
edit - And people like you, the 'inbetweeners' should probably be grouped with the standers.
