This is going to sound almost as bad as it looks, but **** (c-o-c-k) your leg over your dining room table/kitchen worktop and roller your adductors on there.
It will look like you're going for a progressive version of that seminal scene in American Pie, but it works. Just don't let your missus catch you, and it will be fine.
EDIT: Seriously? The alternative word for 'rooster' is starred out?
It will look like you're going for a progressive version of that seminal scene in American Pie, but it works. Just don't let your missus catch you, and it will be fine.

EDIT: Seriously? The alternative word for 'rooster' is starred out?