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Free Copy of Sleeping Dogs & Nexuiz.

I have a dog that talks in its sleep but one day a visitor was astonished to hear the dog bellow "My name is Christopher Columbus! I am seven hundred ... "Don't worry about it. . . . just let sleeping dogs lie
 
mattf said:
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

:D
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Spot the person who googled, funniest joke.
 
I decided this weekend to try and quiten my PC by following some other members lead and going down the water cooling road. The fans on my PC were really starting to drive me mad

The first thing that I did was to remove all the fans. The one on the processor and graphics card were no problem but the one in the power unit was a bugger to get out.

The most difficult part was sealing all the ventilitation openings in the PC case with silicon. I also put silicon all around the joints on the PC case. The smell of silicon was dreadful but when my wife complained I told her to be patent as it will be worth it when we have a completely silent PC.

Because I had completely sealed the PC case the only opening near top was the DVD drive. So I opened that and put the small hose I had purchased specially for the job into the DVD drive as far as it would go. With what I can only describe as great excitement and anticipation, I turned on the water. It really is amazing just how long it took before the case was complete full, and boy was it heavy. That didn't really bother me as I didn't intend to be moving the PC anyway.

The big moment had arrived so I called in my wife and mother in law (who was visiting) and I announced "prepare to hear nothing!" and flicked the switch on the socket on the wall.

Before I could even press the power button on front of the PC, with a loud bang, the whole place was plunged into darkness

I knew that it was only the tripswitch so I told my onlookers not to panic and I ran out to the hall to turn the trip switch back on. But can u believe it, it wouldn't stay on. After five attempts I decided to try unplugging the PC and would you believe...yes the trip switch stayed on. My conclusion: the PC must have in some way been causing the problem.

After about an hour of tries I finally decided to abandon the whole idea of water cooling and emptied the water out of the PC, put back in the fans (except the fan in the power unit, I had broken that one getting it out) and tried the pc AGAIN. IT STILL CAUSED THE TRIP SWTICH TO BLOW!

My PC is completely shagged thanks to stupid suggestions that I got on this forum. What the hell am I going to do now. I spent two hours last night with a hair drier inside the PC case and it still trips the switch.

Any suggestions greatly appreciated

Conor
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This isn't a joke but the funniest thread I have ever read. I felt for those that didn't read it, it is worth it.
 
Englishman, irishman, scotsman....

All 3 commited crimes abroad, such is the law in this country there visiting, they've been put to the death penalty, which happens to be lined up against a wall and shot by soldiers...

So there all lined up, ready to bite the bullet, literally. Then the englishman has an idea to create a distraction, just before the soldiers are ordered to shoot he shouts.....TSUNAMI!....all the soldiers look round for this tsunami, when they look back the englishman has hopped the wall and legged it.

Up next the scotsman, well he's thinking the same thing, just before the soldiers are given there orders he shouts TORNADO!...once again the soldiers are distracted looking round, he's over the wall and gone...

Finally the irishman steps forward....obviously thinking if it works for them it can work for me......So...Just before the soldiers are given the order to kill the irishman shouts....FIRE!!!....so they shoot him...
 
- I'm sick of all these allegations against Jimmy Savile, he was a wonderful man. When I was 11 he fixed it for me to milk a cow blindfolded

- BBC kids scandal continues: tony hart accused of being a playdohphile

and something a little less tasteless, a personal favourite:
- I would never cross a fence into another man's field, it's not my style

I have sleeping dogs already, but nexius would be nice :)
 
and a couple of nerdy ones:

- johnny was a chemists son, but johnny is no more, 'cause what he thought was H2O was H2SO4

-why did the chicken cross the mobious strip? to get to the same side
 
upinsmoke2k7 said:
Englishman, irishman, scotsman....

All 3 commited crimes abroad, such is the law in this country there visiting, they've been put to the death penalty, which happens to be lined up against a wall and shot by soldiers...

So there all lined up, ready to bite the bullet, literally. Then the englishman has an idea to create a distraction, just before the soldiers are ordered to shoot he shouts.....TSUNAMI!....all the soldiers look round for this tsunami, when they look back the englishman has hopped the wall and legged it.

Up next the scotsman, well he's thinking the same thing, just before the soldiers are given there orders he shouts TORNADO!...once again the soldiers are distracted looking round, he's over the wall and gone...

Finally the irishman steps forward....obviously thinking if it works for them it can work for me......So...Just before the soldiers are given the order to kill the irishman shouts....FIRE!!!....so they shoot him...
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:D
 
Just for OcUK'ers :

A Muslim has been shot in the head with a starting pistol; police say it's definitely race related...

Paddy is doing some roofing work for Murphy. He nears the top of the ladder and starts shaking and going dizzy.
He calls down to Murphy and says "I tink I will ave to go home, I've come all over giddy and feel sick."
Murphy asks "Ave yer got vertigo?"
Paddy replies "No I only live round the corner."

:D
 
One sick individual, now universally loathed by a nation for shafting the innocent. Seen here with Jimmy Saville.

29286210152100086961686.jpg
 
what' the fastest thing on land?
Stevie Wonders speedboat!
Dis you hear about Stevie Wonder bleeding to death?
He tried to read a cheese grater!
 
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