Friday Fun

Cosimo

Cosimo

Cosimo

Man of Honour
Joined
9 Jan 2007
Posts
164,721
Location
Metropolis
Two dwarfs decide to treat themselves to a vacation in Las Vegas. At the hotel bar, they were dazzled by two women, and wind up taking them to their separate rooms. The first dwarf is disappointed, however, as he's unable to reach a certain physical state that would enable him to join with his date. His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room he hears cries of, "?ONE, TWO, THREE...HUH!" all night long.

In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go? The first whispered back, "It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get an erection." The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing?" he asked. "I couldn't even get on the bed!"

;)
 
A guy walks into a pub with a crocodile and a large piece of wood in his hand.

He says to all the customers "This crocodile gives the best oral sex in the world"

Slightly puzzled the customers watch the guy put his manhood in the crocodiles mouth, next thing bang, the guy hits the crocodile on the head with the wood, the crocodile closes his mouth, gasps and the guy shudders with delight.

With all the customers looking on amazed at what they have just seen, the guy with the crocodile shouts up and say "Right then, who wants a go?"

A little old dear in the corner stands up and say "Yes please but do you have to hit me on the head?"
 
If I may attempt a rescue with this:

Bloke sees an advert in his local paper for a pet shop that has a talking centipede for sale for only £5000.00

After arriving at the petshop he strikes up a conversation with the centipede and is amazed at the intellect and conversational abilities this creature has. He promptly pays the money and takes his new pet home.

After a while he asks the centipede "Would you like to go our for a pint?"

There's no reply so raising his voice he repeats the question - still no reply.

Thinking he may have been diddled here, he shouts the question, the centipede sticks his head out of his box and says

"I heard you the first time, am just putting my ******* shoes on!" :p
 
seek said:
I'm not leaving until I got the fun I paid for.
Click to expand...

OK, here goes:

The Lone Ranger, while hunting down some low-down-murderous scum, is captured.

Fortunately, Silver escapes. The bad guys decide to take Loney out into the desert and tie him down, naked, to stakes. Once they are satisfied that he is secured, they leave him to die slowly.

Silver appears at the scene. The Lone Ranger says to him, "Silver, go to town and get the posse!" Silver rears back, whinnies, and charges off to town, many miles away.

All day, in the blistering sun, the Lone Ranger survives. Just as he thinks the end is near, night falls. Though relieved at first, he begins to get colder and colder. By sheer will power, he manages to survive the night. As dawn breaks, he hears the thundering of horse hooves. Up gallops Silver with a naked woman on his back.

"Goddammit, Silver, I said 'POSSE'!!!"

;)
 
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