Friday Joke II - The Return

Soldato
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Frack off, nosey
See - I'm still trying....very trying *badum-dum-tish*


Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Seamus, were stumbling home from the pub late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard. "Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "It's Michael O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87." "That's nothing," says Sean. "Here's one named Patrick O'Toole, it says here that he was 95 when he died." Then Seamus yells out, "Good God, here's a fella that got to be 145!" "What was his name?" asks Paddy. Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Dublin."

/awaits flaming
 
A young newlywed couple wanted to join a Church. The pastor told them: "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from sex for one whole month." The couple agreed and, two-and-a-half weeks later returned to the Church.
When the pastor ushers them into his office he finds the wife crying and the husband obviously very depressed. "You are back so soon. Is there a problem?" He inquired. "We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month," the young man replied sadly. The pastor asked him what happened.
"Well, the first week was difficult. However, we managed to abstain through sheer will power. The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain. However, the third week was unbearable. we tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible - anything to keep our minds off carnal thoughts.
"One afternoon, my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and had my way with her right then and there." admitted the man. "You understand this means you will not be welcome in our Church," stated the pastor. "We know," said the young man, hanging his head. "We're not welcome at B&Q either." :p
 
Not been on these forums long and have to say that those two are the only jokes I have read on here that made me laugh. Thanks.
 
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