Friday joke thread

Sankari

Sankari

Sankari

Caporegime
Joined
29 Dec 2007
Posts
33,050
Location
Adelaide, South Australia
An Australian farmhand radios back to the farm manager:

"Boss, I gotta helluva problem here. I hit a pig with my 4WD. The pig's OK, but he's stuck in the bullbar at the front of my 4WD and is wriggling and squealing so much I can't get him out".

The manager says, "OK, there's a .303 rifle behind the seat. Take it, shoot the pig and you'll be able to remove him".

Five minutes later the farmhand calls back, "I did what you said boss. Took the .303, shot the pig and removed him from the bullbar. No problem there, but I still can't go on".

"Now what's the problem?" raged the manager.

"Well boss, it's his motorbike. The flashing blue light is stuck under the driver's side wheel arch".
 
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Something is wrong. That's two joke threads now that have contained new and vaguely amusing jokes. Am I in some strange alternate universe? If so where are everyone's evil beards?

PK!
 
After getting all of the Pope's luggage loaded into the limo ( he doesn't travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb.

"Excuse me, your Eminence, "says the driver, "Would you please take your seat so we can leave?"

"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today."

"I'm sorry, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.

"There might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel.

The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Supreme Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.

"Please slow down, your Holiness!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

"Oh, dear God, I'm gonna lose my license," moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

"I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five.

"So bust him," said the Chief.

"I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the cop.

Chief exclaimed, "All the more reason!"

"No, I mean really important," said the cop.

The Chief then asked, "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

Chief: "Governor?"

Cop: "Bigger."

"Well," said the Chief, "Who is it?"

Cop: "I think it's God!"

Chief: "What makes you think it's God?"

Cop: "He's got the Pope for a limo driver!
 
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