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Jamie1984

Jamie1984

Jamie1984

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Joined
20 Oct 2005
Posts
425
Location
Newcastle Upon Tyne
Ok, im 22 and i feel like a complete freak here..
Ive got a few 'friends' who i keep in touch with, though i know if it came down to it that if i wasnt in touch they wouldnt be either, I also get on really well with the people at work so i dont think im a total social retard.

However what I dont have is people I can go out with of a weekend and just to hang around with. This is getting me down...everyone seems to have a best friend or a group of friends they are close with and it sometimes gets me down that i dont have that.

Now this coming friday Ive invited a half dozen people from college for a night out on the town (which i started 3 weeks ago!) but past experience says the.. 'yeah ill definately come' will turn into 'im skint/busy/no reply' come friday evening.

So how do I get out of this rut of self loathing, being far too cynical of people and actually forming friendships with people?

I dont want anyones pity here, im just frustrated that for all I get on with people (i can generally make people laugh, though sometimes im a sarcastic get!) i just dont seem to have connections with people.


Jamie.


p.s. this is something ive felt for a while, but i feel embarassed just writing this down now as i dont feel at all normal.

p.p.s sorry for bringing more carp to GD, but this isnt something i wanna discuss with anyone IRL.
 
I know how you feel mate

I used to feel like that a bit, but you will eventually find some people who'll be true friends, just takes some time.
 
Nothing to be embarrass about.
Is it because of your character that people don't like? Sometimes you have to look at yourself first, then start asking 'why dont anyone just hang out with me.'
If not, then like rookie said, it takes time. Eventually, there'll always be someone who will be your true friend.
 
I only have my gf and one real mate who I see often... working for yourself doesn't help socially, everyone's gone up to university who I met at college, and my best mate from college never speaks since he's got himself a gf (I tried arranging stuff with him a couple times but gave up, he hasn't spoken since then - a good few months ago).

So yeah, it's not just you :p
 
You're going the right way about it to be honest, invite people out.

No doubt if they have a good time, they'll want to do it again.
 
perhaps your workmates, sudesting if they want to go out for a drink, after work or somthing? and getting more friendly with them?
 
Social circles. Social circles. Social circles.

Go to every social event you can. Workmates going to the pub? Join them. Or try and organise a pub night/weekend with your workmates. Have your workmates invite their mates, and meet mates of mates etc.

On the nights you do go out, befriend EVERYONE. That's what I do. Waiting at the bar for a drink? Chat to the guy/girl next to you. There is nothing wrong with being friendly to other guys in bars/clubs. In fact, my current girlfriend I met through a guy I befriended in a bar.

A couple of the guys I go to the pub/bar/clubs with are guys who I met whilst I was out at a pub/club/bar. It's all about smiling, being friendly and relating to everyone you meet. My social circle is pretty big now, and I'm being invited out/to chill atleast 3-4 nights a week by different groups of people.
 
I'm much the same, then again whenever I make a good friend they just end up crapping all over me so i've stopped bothering.

I get on with everyone at work, everyone in my class, and I have a wonderful girlfriend, so... ;)
 
I've had that. When I first moved back to the UK the only person I ever went for a drink with was my brother. Fortunately circumstances threw me into friendships and living arrangements with people I didn't know so I was almost forced to become friends with people. Now I have a small social circle but most of them are friends of my brothers' - I only have three friends whom I would consider "mine" in my social group and even then, everyone is friends with everyone else now.

I'd invite you along to one of our regular Friday night drinks, but you're a young lad and young mixed with sarcastic usually gets you short shrift in my little group - we're all older and grumpy :D

I'd say just give it time. One of my closest friends is a bloke I used to see in the office every day, it's just one day I asked him for a light when standing under the bus shelter. Now he's the first I text when organising a night out (apart from Friday, everyone knows our Fridays :D) - and that was 13 years ago.
 
Your real friends find you to be honest.

Like people have said, attend everything socially you can, it'll hurt your wallet but it's a small price to pay for a best friend :)
 
Phate said:
Your real friends find you to be honest.

Like people have said, attend everything socially you can, it'll hurt your wallet but it's a small price to pay for a best friend :)
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Agreed, you could try talking to someone your acquainted to and ask if its ok if you can hang with them?
 
You don't have to speak to someone every day, week, or even month regarding good friends. I didn't speak to some of my best friends from university at all over the holiday.

A good friend is someone who you can hang out with and never get bored, not someone you spend a large quantity of time with.
 
Jamie1984 said:
I dont want anyones pity here, im just frustrated that for all I get on with people (i can generally make people laugh, though sometimes im a sarcastic get!) i just dont seem to have connections with people.
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'Tis scary how alike I seem with you.

I feel pretty much the same way as you mate, getting over the self-loathing, but moving onto having a jaded view about everyone.

At the moment my thinking is why bother? Why make connections with people? Why get to know people? Be it months, or years they'll end up forgetting and not caring about what you shared together, so at the end of the day, what's the point in it all?

Most have suggested the common advice given for such situations, all I can add, something I really should do myself, is to write out a reply to your opening post, take a step back, imagine you're the one giving the advice to someone else and see where it goes.

If all else fails, watch some House M.D, being an unsociable sarcastic person with a jaded view on the world, it really doesn't seem all that bad!
 
First 6 months of university, I came to the conclusion that whilst I had made a lot of "mates" and was very social, I still hadn't made any real friends, people that I could really trust, rely on etc... It took a while before I found a group that I really got on with, but I found that group by just being incredibly social and friendly, thus being able to pick and choose to spend time with the people that I actually really got on well with.
 
Im pretty much in the same boat as Zefan here. I have got 2 friends/mates. One I live with along with my girlfriend and the other just a mile or so away. They are the only mates I really need. I do have lots of work mates who everynow and then we go out or chill after work but other than that not a lot really.

It been posted before, but your best mates will find you.
 
I'm in exactly the same position.

When I was at school I had a large amount of friends, since I left school I don't really see them (and to be honest i'd rather not, most of them are crackheads).

I have one close friend but he's always working away so don't see him much these days.

Where I work it's just a couple of us, so can't do anything there.

I have loads of aquantances through my DJ'ing, but no-one who I could call up and say "fancy coming for a pint" etc. Or if I do arrange something no-one can be bothered to come when it comes down to it.

If it wasn't for my girlfriend I don't think i'd see anyone!
 
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