Funny sayings request

[Archy]

Sweating like a fat lad at a disco.

 

[alx]

"Never mind the quality, feel the width!"

 

[Admiral Huddy]

When the wife says "Yes"!!!

odd one that, I'm on to you luv!

 

[systemsdead]

Colder than a well diggers arse

 

[Sunbed]

"She's got a face like a sack full of smashed crabs."

 

[shoes]

as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike...

 

[Vonhelmet]

You couldn't hit a donkey's arse with a banjo

Couldn't hit a bull's arse with a shovel.
Couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with a shotgun.
Couldn't score in a barrel of *******.

I heard one about "If you fell into a barrel of nipples you'd come out sucking your own thumb".

 

[Bubo]

"Maybe his/her dad had a bike"

Said whenever someone comments that person X resembles person Y.

 

[Freakbro]

The lift doesnt go to the top floor
Not the brightest bulb in the box
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer
As useful as a chocolate teapot

 

[Brian8bit]

She's a face on her like a bulldog licking **** off a nettle.

 

[BringTheRain]

MAD AS A BAG OF FROGS

About as much use a chocolate fire guard.

About as much use an ashtray on a motorbike

Dont know if they have been said or not above^ But CBA to look

 

[brendy]

If someone has a tooth or two missing " Barely a bar in the Grate"
Someone out wearing shorts with awful legs "last time I saw legs like them, I was looking up a tree"

 

[Banzai_Joe]

"All the grace of a sack of carrots on a pony"
"As useful as a fishnet johnny" (love that one)

Proverb:
"Never argue with an idiot, he'll bring you down to his level and beat you with experience!"

My personal fave:
"That guy couldn't get laid if he were in a monkey whorehouse with a bag of bananas!"
I had that as a wav file once and i used to cry with laughter when i heard it. It was from an old movie i believe.

 

[HardwareGeek]

2 maybe inappropriate ones that got a lot of use where i used to work,

Sweating like a..

Dyslexic on countdown

P**** in a playground

 

[Banzai_Joe]

http://scrollseek.com/wordplay/miscinsults.html

 

[Narj]

The funniest one I heard was on here, about having a poo...

"Like throwing carrots in a river"

"Sending a sausage to the seaside" - having a poo
"Evacuating the hostages" - as above

"Face like a bag of spanners"
"Face like a bulldog licking pee off a nettle"

 

[Apopcalyptic]

Sweating like a blind lesbian in a fish market.
" " " paedophile in Mothercare.

 

[Amleto]

his cheese slid of his cracker...

 

[Sunbed]

Sweating like a blind lesbian in a fish market.

Lol.. I actually had to think about that for a few seconds

 

[spudbynight]

If I wanted to talk to a vegetable, I would have bought one at the market.