German jokes.

PardonTheWait

PardonTheWait

PardonTheWait

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Joined
26 Aug 2003
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My (German) girlfriend and I were having a discussion over Christmas about the oft-repeated stereotype that Germans have no sense of humour. I asked her to tell me a joke popular in Germany, and she told me not one, but three.



Why did the Czech tourist cross the road?
Because he was impressed by the excellent crossing facilities on major German routeways compared to the relatively poor facilities constructed by his own Czech government. He was so distracted by the quality of the road that he did not see the car speeding towards him. Look out, Mr Czech!



How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?
One only. It is a simple light bulb, not an advanced 'home computer'.



Knock, knock
Who is there please?
Boo.
I do not know anyone by that name. Unless you mean to startle me with the word 'boo', in which case you are quite unfruitful. I see no need to open my door in any case.



I think you'll agree, the stereotype is entirely unfounded.
 
Mohinder said:
Why did the Czech tourist cross the road?
Because he was impressed by the excellent crossing facilities on major German routeways compared to the relatively poor facilities constructed by his own Czech government. He was so distracted by the quality of the road that he did not see the car speeding towards him. Look out, Mr Czech!
Click to expand...

That cracked me up for some reason!! I'll tell it to my German friend tomorrow :D
 
Tell this to your girlfriend, it'll have her in stitches:

Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest.
 
Majago said:
Tell this to your girlfriend, it'll have her in stitches:

Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest.
Click to expand...

I love that. actually lolled!!
 
Q: What's the difference between a German and a shopping trolley?


A: A shopping trolley has a mind of its own.
 
PDVD_036.jpg




:D
 
Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?
She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly
low self-esteem.

What do you call a cat with no tail?
A Manx cat.

Why do undertakers wear ties?
Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their
appearance has a degree of gravitas.

How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
One.

Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.

Two men are sitting in a pub.
One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men
coming in and out of your wife's house.'
The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her
drug habit.'

Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out
and runs away.
One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.
 
neil3k said:
Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?
She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly
low self-esteem.

What do you call a cat with no tail?
A Manx cat.

Why do undertakers wear ties?
Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their
appearance has a degree of gravitas.

How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
One.

Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.

Two men are sitting in a pub.
One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men
coming in and out of your wife's house.'
The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her
drug habit.'

Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out
and runs away.
One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.
Click to expand...

:D :D :D
 
These humourless jokes sound like the works of Monkeypants.

I wonder what happened to him??
 
Monkeypants was the first person I saw post the batch that neil3k posted, I don't know where he got them from. I got mine from a book called 'Do Ants Have *********?' which is jolly funny.
 
My German may be a little rusty but my German teacher at secondary school told me this one and I think it went as follows:

Warum heist Canada, 'Canada'? Weil es gibt keine da!

Translates into English as "Why is Canada called 'Canada'? Because no-one lives there. Hilarious.
 
Mohinder said:
Monkeypants was the first person I saw post the batch that neil3k posted, I don't know where he got them from. I got mine from a book called 'Do Ants Have *********?' which is jolly funny.
Click to expand...

I love books like those. They have a fond memory and a permanent seat next to my toilet.

Amoung that book is, "Is is just me or is everything****?", "What eat's wasps (sic)", and anything by Jeremy Clarkson.
 
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