German jokes.

PardonTheWait · 8 Jan 2008 at 23:01

My (German) girlfriend and I were having a discussion over Christmas about the oft-repeated stereotype that Germans have no sense of humour. I asked her to tell me a joke popular in Germany, and she told me not one, but three.

Why did the Czech tourist cross the road?
Because he was impressed by the excellent crossing facilities on major German routeways compared to the relatively poor facilities constructed by his own Czech government. He was so distracted by the quality of the road that he did not see the car speeding towards him. Look out, Mr Czech!

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?
One only. It is a simple light bulb, not an advanced 'home computer'.

Knock, knock
Who is there please?
Boo.
I do not know anyone by that name. Unless you mean to startle me with the word 'boo', in which case you are quite unfruitful. I see no need to open my door in any case.

I think you'll agree, the stereotype is entirely unfounded.

PardonTheWait · 8 Jan 2008 at 23:04

If he's anything like my girlfriend he will just glare at you, enforcing the stereotype further.

Then he'll storm out when you lol and rofl at him.

PardonTheWait · 8 Jan 2008 at 23:10

marlos said:
Q: What's the difference between a German and a shopping trolley?

A: A shopping trolley has a mind of its own.

You've entirely missed the point, tone and the general gist of this thread.

PardonTheWait · 8 Jan 2008 at 23:17

neil3k said:
Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?
She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly
low self-esteem.

What do you call a cat with no tail?
A Manx cat.

Why do undertakers wear ties?
Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their
appearance has a degree of gravitas.

How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
One.

Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.

Two men are sitting in a pub.
One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men
coming in and out of your wife's house.'
The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her
drug habit.'

Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out
and runs away.
One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.

PardonTheWait · 8 Jan 2008 at 23:17

Cybermyk said:
They bombed our chippy

Fair's fair, we did bomb Dresden

PardonTheWait · 8 Jan 2008 at 23:22

Monkeypants was the first person I saw post the batch that neil3k posted, I don't know where he got them from. I got mine from a book called 'Do Ants Have *********?' which is jolly funny.

PardonTheWait · 9 Jan 2008 at 10:21

Meridian said:
Q: what's the difference between a Saxon and a Turk? A: The Turk has a job and can speak German.

Like most such jokes, only useful if you understand the state of Saxony. And the horrible local accent.

Oi! My girlfriend was born in Saxony!
She wasn't fond of it though, she moved over here ten years ago.