Getting over a break up?

waso_dude said:
Yea, i was thinking that, but that might ruin all my chances of getting back with her,

I think i'm just gunna leave it a few weeks and then chat to her and see what he says, maybe be able to sort something just dating again and go from there

I just really don't want to lose her. She was my best friend.
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Going to someone else works for a few. If you really love her it wont work as you will compare it with the ex. Give it time.

Your second statement is the key. You're hoping one day you may get back together. That is a normal reaction, I was the same. But it won't help you. She left you for a reason. It could be you, it could be someone else but it is probably just herself.

No contact!

While you hope and dream of getting back together you are NOT moving on. You are fixing your life around her. You cannot win her back. Time can win her back. Most of all, time WILL win you back. When you're back on your feet, confident and happy, you will be ready for the next one. It could be her, but don't count on it.

No contact!

As I said: You must assume it will not be the two of you again. It is the only way to move on. I know it is very hard to let go, and you obsess about her and all the good times.
It is good to mourn and be sad for a while if you really love her.

No contact!

But, this is not the time to focus on her. Focus on yourself.
In a month, two or three, things will be easier.

Win her back? After a good period of time, ask yourself this question.


I write this as I went through the same last summer. It was the worst period of my life. However, it was also necessary for my personal development. In hindsight it was the best thing that could happen.
My fiancee and soon to be wife told while I was on my own in the States "I dont love you anymore".

Long story short: I was a wreck, was travelling with work so not much support in friends and family except phone.
No contact with the ex, except some emails. Two months pass and we meet again. Collecting my stuff and a dinner.
24 hours later we decided that we both still are in Love and lets give this another shot. We're getting married in September.

The point was that I truly tried to set my mind that it was over and we would not be together again. It was hard but it worked.

No contact!

You only have control over yourself. Finally, you will probably be very happy when and if she contacts you. But then it goes silent for a few days and you feel horrible. Don't give her that little taste. Women do that to ease their own pain and then move on.

You don't owe her anything. You don't have to be nice to her. She left YOU! There is no need to be an ***hole, but don't be a wimp. Be polite. Eventually ignore her.
 
Andelusion said:
V3g3tto, stay with her please, don't dump her. I'm loving you describe how crappy she is, it's hilarious :D

Good luck with giving her the boot!
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Haha, she's text me just now with the predictable:

im sorry we keep having disagreements, i'd understand if you don't wanna be with me anymore, i'm a mess, i just wanna see you happy, blah blah.

Same crap i here every week. My response, in its shortest form was i've had enough.

Now i can get that blonde i alwasy wanted for xmas!! :D
 
making a list so i could look at it when ever i felt the urge to phone / text and ask her back.
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Making a list is a v good idea because you can be blinded by love and see only the good stuff she did... when really she was a controlling she-bitch from hell :D So deffo write down all the crazy mad stuff she does.

Also "falling out of love" with someone but still loving them can be described as the next stage of a relationship.... apparently the lust doesnt last longer than about 8 months (ish) So someone breaking up with another person because of they are after the "loved-up" excitement feeling of a newish relationship... is never gonna experience a deep loving relationship as long as the cycle continues...
 
Killajaz said:
My fiancee and soon to be wife told while I was on my own in the States "I dont love you anymore".

Long story short: Two months pass and we meet again. Collecting my stuff and a dinner.
24 hours later we decided that we both still are in Love and lets give this another shot. We're getting married in September.
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Congratulations on getting her back, but do you not have a nagging doubt in the back of your mind as to whether she will do the same thing again?
 
sDFGSFDJSSHKHKHSFHSFhg dammit!

She's broken me down again, i'm stronger than this but i've told her to get her head together or i'm gone, but i should be gone anyway! Dammit, such weakness! If it was other way around a woman wouldn't give a crap, but i cave in.

I probably do love her, but don't really like her, if that makes sense, like an annoying sister. Ffs, well at least i'm in the power position for a bit.
 
V3g3tto said:
sDFGSFDJSSHKHKHSFHSFhg dammit!

She's broken me down again, i'm stronger than this but i've told her to get her head together or i'm gone, but i should be gone anyway! Dammit, such weakness! If it was other way around a woman wouldn't give a crap, but i cave in.

I probably do love her, but don't really like her, if that makes sense, like an annoying sister. Ffs, well at least i'm in the power position for a bit.
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No, you don't love her, or else there would be no question.

Stop being a pansy and just end it.
 
marrige is a bit of a strong comeback isnt it, your not exactly the strongest relationship with the issues and stuff. wouldnt be my choice though i been with my partner for 8 years and wont get married so maybe its a commitmant thing with me :D
 
V3g3tto said:
This is wierd, i'm going to dump my gf today.

Last night was the last straw, been together 6 months and it's been pure hassle, my family hate her for thinking she tried to trap me. She's angry, controlling. Last night didn't even say hello, went to hers and sat with her family watching TV whilst she barely looked at me, went upto bed and asked ME what the problem was! She then goes on about how my dad's an arse for not trusting her, how i don't take her loads of different places, how i'll go out with my mates and not take her..

..i haven't been out with them for WEEKS, my best mate, purely text contact. Stuff liek i'm going out tonight, which she knew over a week before hand and
"You wont take me with you will you",
"i'm going out with my mates first time in ages, and your WORKING!"
"you wouldn't take me anyway"
then
"what are you doing with me, can get whoever you want, so why?"

I tried my hardest to sleep, but silence just got her more angry.

I left this morning with just a "cya later".

6 months of that, into overdraft paying for her to go out because she has no money and when i say "i cant take you out again! i'm broke, skint, where you going to get money from?!"

She calls be a patronising b&stard and threatens to give me everything back i ever gave her. Constantly bringing up her ex saying "he did that to me to" "he used to say that, look what happened".

Sorry for the rant guys, makes things easier to write it down, but there's no reason why i need to put up with that at 23, and she really annoys me.
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Please dump her mate, you don't deserve that.
 
V3g3tto said:
This is wierd, i'm going to dump my gf today.
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V3g3tto said:
Haha, she's text me just now with the predictable:

im sorry we keep having disagreements, i'd understand if you don't wanna be with me anymore, i'm a mess, i just wanna see you happy, blah blah.

Same crap i here every week. My response, in its shortest form was i've had enough.

Now i can get that blonde i alwasy wanted for xmas!! :D
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V3g3tto said:
sDFGSFDJSSHKHKHSFHSFhg dammit!

She's broken me down again, i'm stronger than this but i've told her to get her head together or i'm gone, but i should be gone anyway! Dammit, such weakness! If it was other way around a woman wouldn't give a crap, but i cave in.

I probably do love her, but don't really like her, if that makes sense, like an annoying sister. Ffs, well at least i'm in the power position for a bit.
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You're clearly not going to dump her... so don't say it... nothing worse than when people drag the whole "this time it's over" routine on for 7 pages yet in the end are exactly back where they started!
 
Dave said:
Congratulations on getting her back, but do you not have a nagging doubt in the back of your mind as to whether she will do the same thing again?
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No I don't. The first weeks after we got back together were tough, and I was insecure about her feelings. I gave her space. For women, there is nothing more un-attractive than a man turning into a mouse begging for her.

We've been totally open and honest. We've discussed the mistakes both made. Both have also learned you cannot change anyone but yourself. We've also learned in order for a relationship to work there has to be clear communication, and both parties need to have their own seperate goals and be content with themselves. You need to be able to love yourself before you can love someone else. Only then will a relationship last.

Our relationship has never been better :)
We also got the bonus of falling in love a second time.

I will never know if she will do the same again. There is no point dwelling on it as it would destroy our relationship. Trust and respect.
One of the things I learned from this episode is that you cannot take women for granted. Be it your wife or girlfriend. They day you take your partner for granted, things get tougher.

The only woman a man can take for granted is their mother.
 
@ V3g3tto - She's must be a devil between the sheets otherwise i would have kicked her to the kerb after a few weeks never mind months
 
Dave said:
Ah well done on that. I'm not sure I could ever fully trust someone after something like that, but then again you're a better person than me :D
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Fair point (not the better person bit). Fact is I fully understand why she decided to leave me and she had every right to do so. I failed back then. No cheating or nasty stuff. It simply did not work.

For the others doubting their partner or relationship. If you doubt for longer periods, obviously something is not right. If you cannot talk to the other party about it, then your relationship is doomed.

Everyone has doubts. Everyone has downers. The key is to communicate.
 
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