Girlfriends and Gifts

tisonlyme

tisonlyme

tisonlyme

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Joined
7 Oct 2008
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Daan Saaaf
Hi guys,

Wondered if you could help me out...if you often buy your girlfriend gifts, pay for things she needs or for meals out etc, do you then expect her to do the same?

I just about earn a quarter of what my BF earns, so he usually pays if we eat out (usually twice a week), though when I have money to spare I'll get it. If I see something in a shop I like, he offers to get it for me - I always say no. In the 9 months we've been together, he's taken me on 5 weekends away, which he says benefits him as much as me, but they haven't been cheap.
It all sounds great, but I can't help feeling guilty as hell. Obviously I contribute to things as much as I can, but sometimes it's just not possible and I feel bad for it. He told me once that his ex girlfriend took advantage of his kindness, he bought her a laptop, paid her phone bill, paid her credit card etc, and I don't want anyone to think I'm doing the same :( Coming from a poor family, I'm a bit touchy about money and have never liked borrowing money or accepting gifts, because I've always felt I need to prove that I can fend for myself and don't need handouts. I know he doesn't do it because he thinks I can't afford it, he does it because he wants to treat me, but the more he does it, the worse I feel!

I'm not quite sure what I expect to get out of this thread, but if you were in my shoes, would you just lap it all up and enjoy it? Or would you feel the same?
 
You are being a bit silly and overcomplicating things. It's nice to buy things to treat people you care for. You are hardly being unconscionable considering your situation.

Enjoy :)
 
If your doing your bit and paying as and when you can afford it or at least attempting to as you've said in your op then don't worry about it, he obviously likes doing these things for you. :)
 
My own personal input:

I generally do the same, GF doesn't work and the "benefits him as much as me" comment is exactly what I say.

I wouldn't expect anything in return, I know her financial situation, but there's nothing better than coming home to a nice little meal and a dead easy, free of charge "Thanks" - makes it so much worth it :)
 
I can understand why you feel the way you do at the same time I think your worrying too much. Given you contribute what you can and obviously dont simply say yes everytime he offers you dont have reason to feel your taking advantange.

If he has the cash to spare he probably enjoys spoiling you a little and as long as your not looking to milk that then simply carry on as you are and appreciate having a generous other half.
 
Can only agree with what has already been said, personally i would never expect anything back in return if i paid for something.

If it is a real issue for you though maybe just try mentioning it to him?
 
Don't worry, personally I'm like your bf, I enjoy treating the girl I'm with, granted, it's nice if she treats me every so often, but doesn't need to be paid for, a homecooked meal etc. just make sure he knows how you feel about having him spend so much on you, he more than likely doesn't mind it and enjoys seeing you happy and having nice things.
I had a similar situation with my last girlfriend, she was paying for things and I hated it, though she hated it when I paid for things lol.
 
As long as you don't feel that you are taking advantage of him and are comfortable in what he does do then it's fine. If you feel as though he is doing too much, why not try and take him for a meal and pay for it. Refuse when he tries to pay and it will make you feel better. If he earns more 4 times more than you, perhaps every 1 in 5 meals you should pay for?

It's all about knowing if you are taking advantage I suppose, to me it sounds like you are not and he is a generous guy and wants to share his money/time with you, regardless of how much is spent and so on.

Just make sure you show your appreciation and sack his cook once in a while and things will be grand ;)
 
tisonlyme said:
Hi guys,

Wondered if you could help me out...if you often buy your girlfriend gifts, pay for things she needs or for meals out etc, do you then expect her to do the same?

I just about earn a quarter of what my BF earns, so he usually pays if we eat out (usually twice a week), though when I have money to spare I'll get it. If I see something in a shop I like, he offers to get it for me - I always say no. In the 9 months we've been together, he's taken me on 5 weekends away, which he says benefits him as much as me, but they haven't been cheap.
It all sounds great, but I can't help feeling guilty as hell. Obviously I contribute to things as much as I can, but sometimes it's just not possible and I feel bad for it. He told me once that his ex girlfriend took advantage of his kindness, he bought her a laptop, paid her phone bill, paid her credit card etc, and I don't want anyone to think I'm doing the same :( Coming from a poor family, I'm a bit touchy about money and have never liked borrowing money or accepting gifts, because I've always felt I need to prove that I can fend for myself and don't need handouts. I know he doesn't do it because he thinks I can't afford it, he does it because he wants to treat me, but the more he does it, the worse I feel!

I'm not quite sure what I expect to get out of this thread, but if you were in my shoes, would you just lap it all up and enjoy it? Or would you feel the same?
Click to expand...

As long you return in kindness with sexual favours then it's all good
 
FOR ALL THE GUYS - POINTS MEAN PRIZES

Its all about brownie points my friends!!!

BUT

Everything and anything NICE you do or buy is worth only 1 brownie point (BP) - but beware any cockups you make loose you loads quicker than you can say "hows your father"!!

Example . . . .

  • Do the housework +1 BP
  • Walk the dog +1 BP
  • Make sure she is fully satisfied +1 BP
  • Send her flowers +1 BP
  • Invite the Mother In Law around for dinner +1 BP
  • Invite her scary friends around for dinner + make the dinner + do all the clearing up and cleaning afterwards +1 BP
  • pick up all her dirty laundry that she leaves all over the bloody house +1 BP
  • Take her to NYC for an all expenses paid trip incl all the shopping bills AND walk around aimlessly (with a smile) with her holding all her useless and pointless clothes/accessories she buys pandering to all her needs +1 BP
  • Buy her the wedding ring of her dreams +1 BP
  • Agree to and pay for the wedding of her dreams +1 BP
However . . .

  • Leave her at the top of the ski lift because you have had enough of her moaning about how high the MOUNTAIN is -10 BP's
  • Forget the 11.5 week anniversary of the first time you ever spoke to each other -100 BP's
  • Invite YOUR mates round for an afternoon of football fun on the telly -1000 BP's
  • Sulk whilst she drags you around the shops -10,000 BP's
  • Forget to put her carnal pleasures first -100,000 BP's
  • Leave your smelly socks by the side of the bed -1,000,000 BP's
  • Blame her bad moods on her time of the month -1000,000,000,000 BP's (plus no sex ever again)
and sometimes - fornoreasonwhatsoever . . .

  • Do the housework -1 BP
  • Walk the dog -1 BP
  • Make sure she is fully satisfied -1 BP
  • Send her flowers -1 BP
  • Invite the Mother In Law around for dinner -1 BP
  • Invite her scary friends around for dinner + make the dinner + do all the clearing up and cleaning afterwards -1 BP
  • pick up all her dirty laundry that she leaves all over the bloody house -1 BP
  • Take her to NYC for an all expenses paid trip incl all the shopping bills AND walk around aimlessly (with a smile) with her holding all her useless and pointless clothes/accessories she buys pandering to all her needs -1 BP
  • Buy her the wedding ring of her dreams -1 BP
  • Agree to and pay for the wedding of her dreams -1 BP

Its the small things that really count - but for the rest of your days - you will always be in BP debt - its just the depth that will vary!

khushy
 
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Your contributing as much as you can which is more than enough, my ex had a full time job and I didn't so I used the little money I had and made it go along way, instead of taking her out ffor dinner I would cook a nice romantic meal instead, it's cheaper and a lot more effort is plugged into it.
 
mollymoo said:
If your doing your bit and paying as and when you can afford it or at least attempting to as you've said in your op then don't worry about it, he obviously likes doing these things for you. :)
Click to expand...

This.

As long as you are being thoughtful, and make it clear you aren't "expecting" anything items / help from him but you appreciate it. ALso that you are doing what you can and offering what you can then I (personally) would have no issues. :)
 
Thanks for the input guys, I kinda knew I was being a bit silly about it all. I do as much as I can, cooked dinner for him last night :) And I always make sure he gets what he needs ;)
 
Dark_Angel said:
This.

As long as you are being thoughtful, and make it clear you aren't "expecting" anything items / help from him but you appreciate it. ALso that you are doing what you can and offering what you can then I (personally) would have no issues. :)
Click to expand...


Yes, absolutely, make sure you do this, otherwise after a while he'll think 'what's the point?'
 
robgmun said:
Yes, absolutely, make sure you do this, otherwise after a while he'll think 'what's the point?'
Click to expand...

Yep, I'll always make sure he knows how much I appreciate it. After 9 months it would be easy for me to just not say anything when he pays for meals, but I make sure I say thank you for the evening and try to cook for him once a week when I'm at his as a thank you too :)
 
tisonlyme said:
Thanks for the input guys, I kinda knew I was being a bit silly about it all. I do as much as I can, cooked dinner for him last night :) And I always make sure he gets what he needs ;)
Click to expand...

sounds fine. I earn more than my girlfriend so i tend to treat her to stuff and pay for going out more than she does but thats not to say she doesnt play her part...
 
If he earns 4x what you do he won't mind. For over a year I had a job and my girlfriend didn't, so I paid for everything. It was annoying but I didn't mind as I love her. Now she has a job and it's really good to have her contribute and offer to buy stuff, but I still wouldn't ask.

She always did things for me that money couldn't really buy and always looked after me etc. I personally couldn't really care less about money, it's all about happiness.
 
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