Grassroots Football - So close to giving it up today

Loki · 19 Oct 2014 at 20:18

As some of you know I am involved in Grassroots football with my sons football team. I have done my coaching badges and made sure the kids have a safe and fun enviroment. This season we have made the step up to Under 13's and 11 - a - side. Is this team going to produce the next Ronaldo or Messi ?? Probably not. We are in the 4th division, we have had promotions, we have had relegations. All in all a great bunch of kids and parents who stick together.

Today left a real bitter taste in the mouth and I was so close to walking away from it all. An evenly contested game with no malice and played in the right spirit by the kids. Ref was a no show so I agreed with the other manager one of our parents would ref the match.

Five minutes in, and every single decision was being heckled and called by their parents. So this went on for the remainder of the half and our parent went over and said listen guys there is no bias here. So the match carries on and we are leading 3-1 with two minutes to go and a 50/50 decision got called in our favour. Next thing all hell breaks loose. All their coaches are on the pitch dragging their kids off and they take the decision to abandon the game. All of the coaches and parents then surround our parent and start threatning him. Calling him a cheating manc **** etc etc

I get our kids over to their parents and walk over to the incident and then one of their parents runs onto the pitch 'GET OVER TO YOUR OWN ******* LINE NOW YOU ******* So and So' right in front of their own kids. Hang on mate i'm just trying to difuse the situation. 'GET OVER TO YOUR OWN ******* LINE NOW YOU ******* So and So'

And so this goes on. Opposite team refusing to sign the match card. Parents threatening our parent. The worse part is when he is shouting, You better go over to your own line you manc **** before I knock you out in front of the kids to teach them a lesson they could learn from.

As I say the kids played it in the right spirit. My opinion is that by taking the kids off as a show of protest, they cheated their own kids. All they will remember from this game is how it ended and they will take nothing from how well the played.

Is it anywonder that there is less and less kids coming through the football system or the referee system with scenes like this. As much as I love giving my time up for this to spend some time with my boy doing organised sport, I look at days like this and think do I want him seeing this kind of crap.

No problem with competitve sport but this goes beyond the pale.

#spleenvented

Hodders · 20 Oct 2014 at 09:41

Problem is that this attitude seems to go all the way up to the premier league. Diving, cheating, hassling the ref etc. Of course there are decent people involved in football, but the minority of idiots is why we can't have nice things.

Move away, get involved with junior rugby - a different (and much much nicer) place.

mmj_uk · 20 Oct 2014 at 11:24

Is it possible for a parent to be neutral though? the Premier League/Football League won't allow referees with any affinity to a club to referee them because in all likelihood they will give 50/50 decisions the way of their bias. I'm not defending the parents actions but they must have perceived the referee to be extremely biased to have reached that stage of anger.

I'd blame the referee for letting everybody down and if it ever happens again just agree to sign for a draw and play a friendly?

a1ex2001 · 20 Oct 2014 at 11:49

mmj_uk said:
I'd blame the referee for letting everybody down and if it ever happens again just agree to sign for a draw and play a friendly?

This, to many people take youth football far to seriously and have no sense of how stupid it is to get all over excited about a kids kick around on the weekend.

div0 · 20 Oct 2014 at 12:01

That's well out of order, no one benefits from such over the top reaction.

Many amateur sports end up refereed by someone with an affiliation to one of the clubs and there's always some accusations of bias, but you're taught to accept the decision and move on, no matter how frustrating it is at the time.

Even if the ref had been blatantly biased, there's just simply no excuse for that sort of behaviour, particularly at an U13 game.

dannyjo22 · 20 Oct 2014 at 13:10

a1ex2001 said:
This, to many people take youth football far to seriously and have no sense of how stupid it is to get all over excited about a kids kick around on the weekend.

Too many dads trying to re-live their youth through their kids. My brother in law runs a very successful side and they are now U16 and he has ran them from Under 8's iirc. I went for two years home and away to watch them play and I saw some horrific parents. Parents that have no interest in getting involved to actually help the club but want to give all the advice under the sun from the sidelines. The coach is trying to organise his side while little Timmy's dad is shouting different instructions to his son. It got to the point I just didn't want to go watch anymore. A ref getting abused from the touch line by a father stopped a game and ordered a father from the park. They wouldn't restart the game until he had left. Some of the language at a kids game and threats of violence is horrific.

We had a goal keeper start letting in goals and after the game the kids was in tears. One of the opposing dads had threatened to break his legs if he didn't start letting in goals. Why would any father be happy to then see his sons team win in those circumstances.

My son is 5 and asked to start going on a saturday to the training as his friends go. There is nothing I want to do less and I hope he runs out of interest. My god the crying, rolling and laying on the floor like you are dead from 6 year olds is heart breaking. The screaming at the coach over every tiny decision is a rot that's eaten the game from the top down. Jesus we used to play on concrete for hours a day and never did you lay there crying. The only fear you had was if you got a hole in your trousers and had to go home to show your mum! You did all you could to stay on your feet and keep going.

I don't want any part of that **** for my son.

I went to Middlesboro academy a few years ago and that was just as heart breaking, the game was stopped every 4 touches for some kid diving or clutching his leg.

There should be more power for the refs, no player except the captain should be able to approach him and the respect would eventually filter down.

Loki · 20 Oct 2014 at 20:54

mmj_uk said:
Is it possible for a parent to be neutral though? the Premier League/Football League won't allow referees with any affinity to a club to referee them because in all likelihood they will give 50/50 decisions the way of their bias. I'm not defending the parents actions but they must have perceived the referee to be extremely biased to have reached that stage of anger.

I'd blame the referee for letting everybody down and if it ever happens again just agree to sign for a draw and play a friendly?

I agree that probably any parent can't be entirely without bias if asked to step in to ref a game.

Without sounding a jobsworth their was a ref allocated but didnt turn up. In that case, its the responsibility of the home team to get a referee according to the league rules.

Rroff · 20 Oct 2014 at 20:58

Given the context sadly (assuming someone would have stepped up) the better option would be to have a parent from each side ref a half each.

Loki · 20 Oct 2014 at 21:32

Rroff said:
Given the context sadly (assuming someone would have stepped up) the better option would be to have a parent from each side ref a half each.

Agreed and again this is where commonsense does not prevail. Rules from the County FA say it's got to be the same ref for both halfs unless injured

Rroff · 20 Oct 2014 at 21:45

Doh forgot that was commonly a rule with football.

Azza · 20 Oct 2014 at 22:12

Can't stand parents in youth football - thanks for the lifts now **** off.

It's strange but when I was younger I can't remember any instances of parents losing their heads at refs, players or 'opposition' fans. Now it seems to be the norm.

Rroff · 20 Oct 2014 at 22:21

Azza said:
Can't stand parents in youth football - thanks for the lifts now **** off.

It's strange but when I was younger I can't remember any instances of parents losing their heads at refs, players or 'opposition' fans. Now it seems to be the norm.

I used to play for my school team at junior school (late 80s) and the odd isolated incident aside mostly the parents just turned up to cheer their kids on win or lose.

londonbairn · 21 Oct 2014 at 12:36

I played for primary, high school and BBs, and never once witnessed anything near that (Central Scotland). I cannot ever recall even hearing a parent shouting angrily in any game. Sounds like a more recent problem

The Running Man · 21 Oct 2014 at 13:10

Do they even know how hard it is to ref a game? Honestly it's so tough. I did a half once and before yiu have a chance to whistle and react it's gone.

Sounds like common thuggery and threats by idiots. You get a lot of that in this country m

Mr-White · 21 Oct 2014 at 14:06

Send in the result as a 3-1 win.
Report them to the league.
Move on.

MW

MacMiniBoy · 21 Oct 2014 at 15:36

did no one video this ****

its 2014 ffs

Nate75 · 21 Oct 2014 at 19:57

Hodders said:
Problem is that this attitude seems to go all the way up to the premier league. Diving, cheating, hassling the ref etc. Of course there are decent people involved in football, but the minority of idiots is why we can't have nice things.

Move away, get involved with junior rugby - a different (and much much nicer) place.

yeap

HangTime · 26 Oct 2014 at 21:47

Hodders said:
Problem is that this attitude seems to go all the way up to the premier league.

I think it cascades down - the parents of kids playing football are probably mostly in their 30s and 40s and thus will have been exposed to the sort of vitriol so pervasive at both professional grounds and pubs up and down the country as coverage of football has become mainstream over the past 25 years or so. Abuse of officials is widespread and becoming ingrained in the culture of football fans. Throw the added spice in of feeling that not only your own club but also your own flesh and blood have been hard done by, and things tend to spill over.

I am not looking to excuse this type of behaviour but for many people in that demographic, insulting the ref/opposition is a weekly event and until that changes it will be hard to stop certain types of people carrying that into how they behave at youth games.

The Running Man · 30 Oct 2014 at 18:10

Id guess at 3-1 up and with a 50/50 challenge maybe he should call the right decision for the sake of the game.

Out of curiosity if it was 50/50 why did he call for his own team. It's obviously pushed the crowd over the edge as pathetic as it sounds. But could it have been handled better say he had just given them the decision?

Loki · 30 Oct 2014 at 21:37

The Running Man said:
Id guess at 3-1 up and with a 50/50 challenge maybe he should call the right decision for the sake of the game.

Out of curiosity if it was 50/50 why did he call for his own team. It's obviously pushed the crowd over the edge as pathetic as it sounds. But could it have been handled better say he had just given them the decision?

50/50 decision as in it was an offside decision not 50/50 challenge. The game could have gone either way being honest. We were 3-1 up and they hit the post twice. We had a goal ruled offside when I was convinced he was on.

As a team we have been on the wrong end of a few decisions over the years but you hope for some perspective. For every decision that goes against you, you hope that you get one the other way. A lot of lads out their reffing the game are 14,15,16 years old. It's some money in their back pocket. £25.00 for reffing a sunday park game.

You see maybe ten youth referee's and you get a broad spectrum. There is the the odd stand out one. One who is assertive and commands respect and even at an early age is very rarely swayed by the crowing parents on both sides. then yuo get the six who really are their just for money. The other four you can see are being pushed by their own parents.

The problem is when you face teams like this, the weak referees will often award the wrong decision because of crowd pressure and fear. When they hit fifteen they get to the point where enough is enough and just walk away.

As I say, you get caught up in the heat of the moment sometimes but you have to try and remember why you are their. For me it's simple

- Time with my own Son
- Structured Sporting Activity ( I Can't think of a bad thing about this)
- Giving a broad spectrum of kids some skills to take into future life

Last weekend we got beat 1-0. The opposition got a hotly disputed penalty 5 minutes into 'Injury Time' in 1st half. The only chance they made in all honesty. At the end of the game my lads measure of success is win=Success lose=Failure. All of them gutted.

Despite telling them they did pretty much everything right other than panic in the final 3rd and rush their shots, it was a cracking performance. Some coaches hammer them some try and nurture them. As much as I praise them when they win, I make sure that they know it was them who kicked every ball, Im just their for guidance. When they lose, it's also their responsibility for the most part.