Grief & Loss

[Wizzkidy]

Hi All,

Most of you don't know me. I am not an active poster, but I have been on these forums since the nuke and before. 6 days ago my wife of 39 passed away suddenly. It was a heart attack caused by a blockage. I was downstairs making the dinner for my 5 children and she was resting after feeling unwell and was awaiting an ambulance after phoning 111. It's only been 6 days and I am now having to support the house, children and many other things I had very little involvement in ( that I regret massively now) I took everything for granted prior to this, my wife did everything for the children and had the patience of a saint. I am at a complete loss at the moment. I have had a couple of OK days but mainly I have been in complete disbelief of the situation. Unfortunately my 8 year old saw everything I was doing (CPR) as he came into the room, all of this was in vain though as I suspect she had been gone for a period of time before I went back upstairs. The paramedics eventually arrived and took over but it was far too late. She was the rock of the family and I was just the person who worked and provided. All my children adored her and saw me as just a annoyance I expect.

I have barely had time to think anything through, my main concern is the children of course and I have managed to get the little ones back to school all this week after the event last week, it's not been easy but the school has been very supportive. The older two is harder and I will need to work on these two.

Thank you for reading

From
Ben (me)
Rowan
Juliet
Hugh
Thomas
Marie

In loving memory of Michelle.

 

[Wizzkidy]

So sorry to hear that. I can't imagine the shock you must be feeling.

Would you share roughly where you are in case anyone can help you out physically?

Sure, I am in Hertfordshire. I have my wife's family support and from some friends. Some people have been having the children here and there. I have not had much time for anything but the kids up to now really.

 

[Wizzkidy]

Where abouts? Do you have a good friend network?

I'm in Stotfold, I have a couple of mates that are helping but mainly my wife's friends and sister is helping out

 

[Wizzkidy]

Thank you all for your kind words. It's early I know but the hardest part is the children's grief. It absolutely kills me. Bedtimes are the hardest.

I only have two friends from over the years but they have been great, I have known them for 20 years.

This has changed my mindset and seeing the outpouring of support gives me strength that lots of people care.

I will never forgive myself for not being there at the time and being downstairs

 

[Wizzkidy]

Sorry for your loss, it's not easy, been through a few losses myself over the last few years. The main advice I can give, echoing what others have said, is some form of bereavement counselling for the kids. I've seen the effects of loss/turmoil affect kids down the line, even when they seemed fine. Also you need to look after YOU! Get whatever professional support you can, even if you think you don't need it. The kids need their dad to be well, now and in the future.

I'm lucky as I have private health care for myself and the kids so I have already had one therapy session and have that booked in for the next 6 weeks for myself. I was awaiting the schools to start something but I have been told that funding isn't available for this anymore, so I will be going through my private heath care for the kids as well. This shocked me really as this happens to a lot of children and to not have funding to do anything in school is crazy.

One day at a time, although I am really struggling with the kids uniform and getting it all out for the next day at the moment, So many clothes and there all everywhere, my wife had her own way.

Unfortunately I am being triggered from everything in the house, everything reminds me of her and it just hurts all the damn time. I forget for a moment when I am busy, but the dread and pain returns within 10 minutes and I am a complete mess.

I cannot get the images out of my head of Michelle on the floor while I tried to save her life when I knew it was too late

EDIT - I am thinking the funeral is going to be very expensive, money I just do not have. I was absolutely not expecting the outpouring of support to get the number the just giving page has got too, absolutely stunned

 

[Wizzkidy]

I do hope that your perception of this "joke of a community" has changed a bit

Hi,

This was a silly comment. I know and of course I appreciate anyone that decides to come in this thread and supports. I can only say I am sorry for the silly comment. I managed to get the 3 little ones to school all week this week and one of the older ones back today. I only have Juliet (10) to get back to school Monday, but she has taken this the hardest. She thinks this is my fault

 

[Wizzkidy]

Well the week has finished and I managed to get the younger ones to school all week and one of the older ones. My 8 year old has football training in the mornings, no one else is going to wanna go but with only me here they will now have no choice but to get up and come, that will be fun.

I am not sure why the just giving link has been removed? I was trying to get the funeral paid for and thought this would have been fine to leave on the page, astounding the amount of support I have seen on this but the funeral is going to cost a fortune.